Spreading Retardation Across The Nation

Rants

2012-01-22T01:48:00.000+08:00

I am facing an intersection in my journey and I have no idea what I should do and which road to take. So I've been camping out here at the intersection for quite sometime now. There were days where I determinedly venture into The Obvious Road for a few miles before walking back to the intersection because I'm not sure if this is the road that I'm supposed to take. And there were also days when I journey down The Less Obvious Road because it seemed like a good option then but not so much a few hours after that.

So now I have no idea what to do. I'm running out of patience and energy and determination and I just feel like sitting here and just wait for some kind of sign to come. But until when? What if I'm stuck here for..a very long period of time? I wish I brought a friend along, but they're all busy dealing with their own intersections. It would be nice to have some kind of clue on which road to take. Since I started my journey I've been faced with a lot of intersections and I admit that I have my justified share of wrong turns. But they're not all that bad.

The good thing about taking a wrong turn is that something good will eventually come out from it. You might not be able to see it immediately after traveling down that road, but you'll be able to see the significance of that wrong turn you made in a few years time. Of course you don't purposely take a wrong turn because that anxious, endangered feeling you get when you're traveling up or down a different road is not something you want to experience often. You usually act on instinct and sometimes, like your brain and your heart, your instinct somehow finds a way to fuck you up.

So I'm still here, stuck at this intersection. Waiting for somebody to show up and tell me which way to go. Waiting for some kind of enlightenment from the surrounding to point me in which way I should head to.

And to think that there isn't any right or wrong road this time.

Rational Update

2012-01-21T03:36:00.000+08:00

It's 3 in the morning. I'm supposed to be sleeping right now but obviously I'm not. I haven't written a single post for nearly 5 months haven't I? I blame Twitter for this. But somehow I kind of miss blogging. I miss not having a character limit here like they do on Twitter. I miss just writing whatever I feel like writing here, sometimes posting even three times a day. I miss the feeling of anticipating for comments from my 3 and a half readers. I just miss everything.

But then again I'm a very nostalgic person. The affection I have is really starting to wear me out.

So now I'm on a three-week semester break. And to be honest it's getting a little boring for me. The longest I could stand staying at home is one week. And it's been a few days over a week now and I just can't wait to go back to UIA. It feels a bit different not seeing the faces that you've been seeing for almost everyday for 4 whole months. I miss my friends, I really do :')

And the fact that the results are coming out on the 31st doesn't really help ease my big burden of nothingness either. I'm really hoping for a very good result because yes, my parents have been very..pressuring if there is such word. I know that it's necessary and probably healthy for my mental development and achievement or whatever but it can get really stressful. And probably because my results during my first semester was great so they have expectations of me getting similar results for every semester.

But unfortunately it just doesn't work that way mum and dad :/

Unless I'll be taking the exact same subjects for every semester that is.

Pressure can be a good thing or a bad thing. You can either succumb to it or get away from it. I think I have both kinds. Sometimes the pressure I get gives me the motivation to work harder for the things that I plan on achieving. But sometimes, they become an emotional disturbance that causes me to have hormonal imbalances for a certain period of time which is not good because nobody likes being around a moody Atikah since she might just punch your face for no reason unless you count her being in a bad mood as a valid reason, of course.

So anyways I think I might start writing here again. As much as I love Twitter, it's sort of too public to say everything that comes across your mind. I mean, blogs are public too but only to people who know of their existence, eh? ;)

So I'll end this post with a picture of me, Mee and Ayunie because I just happen to miss them a lot.

And also because we look nice in this one :3

Random emotional update that doesn't make sense number 2

2012-01-21T03:11:00.000+08:00

That awful moment when you realize that the old feelings are paying a visit and you don't know how long they intend on staying.

That awful moment when you realize that you still have your insecurities with you. They never left despite not having to deal with those issues anymore.

That awful moment when you realize that you can't control what you want to feel. Your feelings have to aptitude to come and go as they please and there is absolutely nothing you can do about it.

That awful moment when you realize that you still care and you were wrong if you thought that for even one second, you've successfully gotten over the hedge.

But you're not. And you're still stuck here until your feelings decide to let you out once more.

Your brain likes playing tricks on you. And oddly enough, there are times when even your heart complies to it. And together they work towards swerving your emotions. Making you feel miserable, incompetent, useless. And then comes the day when you finally break down. And when you finally do, they become enemies once more.

It's sick when you can't feel anything. But it's sicker when you start to feel everything at once.

Random emotional update that doesn't really make any sense

2012-01-19T00:40:00.000+08:00

I'm 21 years old. I'm supposed to know what I want. I'm supposed to be sure of what I feel. I'm supposed to be absolutely certain about the decisions that I make.

But I'm not.

Never have.

Probably never will too.

Doubts are such an annoying vibe to have. They make you rethink about the things you have decided for yourself. Works well alongside its faithful friend, time. Over time doubt will grow and you'll end up being completely mislead of the choices that you've made because you're unsure of whether they'll actually be taking you somewhere or they just seem to be taking you somewhere.

It's not such a nice feeling to stand like a statue at one exact point and just watch people walk by you, watch things happen around you, watch the needles on your clock reach their destination and not be a part of it.

I don't get myself most of the time. Maybe other people do. Or maybe they just think they do. Or I just think that I don't get myself most of the time.

And maybe, maybe is not such a bad word after all.

To the answers that are still trapped inside of you, I hope you'll find your way out one day.

2011-09-20T22:43:00.000+08:00

Sometimes, you just have no idea what you seem to be doing. You just go with the flow, tagging along life as it creeps slowly past you in dead silence. And when you finally start to notice where it has taken you, you start freaking out. Because you don't think you're ready for the bigger things that are coming. Your biggest issue, your greatest fear . You are never ready.

Change, please? For the greater good.

Day 08 - A Picture That Makes You Laugh

2011-08-22T22:56:00.000+08:00

Because I look like a hippo.

Day 07 - A Picture Of Your Shoes

2011-08-21T21:45:00.000+08:00

Well this one is a bit peculiar. Why would anyone be interested in seeing a picture of my shoes ._. oh well.

Last week I bought a new pair of shoes because I had been wearing my old pair for almost a year and a half already so you can imagine how worn out they were. But that was my favorite pair of shoes T_T They were grey-colored jelly shoes and are the most comfortable pair of shoes I have ever owned. They're really flat and you know how much I'm obsessed with flats because ~~I'm gigantic~~ I'm kind of tall and I don't really need heels so flats are the best option for me :)

I think I'm going to put a picture of my old pair of shoes as a tribute(?) to it for being a really awesome pair of shoes and my new one to mark the start of a new shoe-ship(??)

It surprises me how much sense I don't seem to make sometimes.

I've always liked this picture :) of course this was last year during the Terengganu trip at some jetty nearby Yunie's house. Such a nice place to take pictures. You can see my shoes here :D They still look nice in this picture. Now they look so worn out already :( But if I ever came across a similar pair I will definitely snatch it.

And these are my new pair of shoes! :D Quite comfortable because they're made of some soft fabric but still ada blisters jugaklah sebab new shoes kan. I bought them in this color so they would camouflage nicely with the color of my feet :3 But I've only worn them once so I can't really say whether they're a good buy or not ._.

So there you are. Day 7.

The Debate part II

2011-08-21T01:19:00.000+08:00

Bitch, you're gonna have to pull yourself together.

I know. Stop telling me that. I know what I'm supposed to do okay. Jeez, woman.

Na'ah. You don't know shit about what you're supposed to do.

How do you know that?

Because if you did, You would've done it instead of hesitating all the time.

I..just don't have the heart to do it..

Are you stupid or something? You saw what happened. You know where this is going. Why are you still like this?

Can you stop asking me questions? You're giving me a headache.

I will stop asking you questions if you'd just stop being so damn stupid.

I'm not stupid I just don't think tha-

Shut up and listen to me. BUCKLE UP BITCH. Nobody's going to wait for you. Nothing's going to happen if you don't do anything. You're the only one who can change this. What the hell are you waiting for? Some kind of epiphany? You better start acting now.

I CAN'T OKAY? I JUST CAN'T. STOP TELLING ME TO DO THINGS THAT I DON'T WANT TO DO. I like how I am right now. I feel happy.

Happy? Are you kidding me? LOOK AT YOURSELF? I don't see happiness anywhere. You might as well say you're jovial in agony. LOL the irony.

Not really helping.

Well it's not my fault you wouldn't listen. Stubborn-ass bitch.

Oh just shut up will you. Go away.

No I won't. If I go away, your sense of logic will follow suit and you will be left a screwed 20 year old.

Like I'm not screwed enough already.

No you're not. You can still make amends to yourself. I know you. I know all your strengths and weakness. I know you can do it. I have faith in you.

I..don't know..

Don't let it weigh you down. Don't let it meddle with the way you think. Don't let it play with your head.

I won't promise you anything but.. I'll try. Just don't keep on blaming me if it doesn't work okay.

Don't just say you're gonna try for the sake of saying it. Mean it, bitch. MEAN IT.

Okay, fine I will try my best to right the wrong that I have done. Happy?

Much better.

Day 06 - A Picture That Shows Your True Self

2011-08-21T00:44:00.000+08:00

I find the title of today's picture very vague. My true self? What's that supposed to mean? I'm a different person around my friend and an entirely different person around my parents and other adults. But I like myself best when I'm with my friends. When I'm around my friends I laugh and make faces a lot. So here's a picture that show's who I really am ;)

Tadaaaaaa ._. I honestly didn't know why I looked the way I look. But Yunie is laughing so somebody prolly said something funny..or something.

So there you go! Day 6 :)

Day 05 - A Picture Of Somewhere You've Been To

2011-08-20T00:36:00.000+08:00

So I didn't post yesterday because day 4 states 'a habit that you wish you didn't have." wtf? Does that mean i have to scout around for a picture of me biting my nails? Yep, my worst habit. I've been nail-biting since I was 8. When I was 13 I bit one of my nails until only half was left. LOL good times. I'm not such an avid nail-biter as I was now, but I still do occasionally bite my nails. Unknowingly, because you know, it's a habit. You don't actually realize you're doing it.

So here we are at day 5.

Well, frankly I've been to a lot of places. But I think I'm gonna put a picture of me on my Sabah trip earlier this year.

*7 seconds later*

Oh right. I just realized that I forgot to copy my Sabah pictures folder to my new laptop. FML maximum. But I can always take them from Lin's laptop or whatever. No big deal. So I guess I'll just have to find another picture. Let's see what's left of my photo album -.-

Oh wow look what I found. Went to Perth when I was 5. My first overseas trip :) I was so happy because I got to feed the kangaroos lol. They were so cute! And I look so...small. Well, I WAS five. But seriously was I that short? ._.

So there you are. Day 5.

Day 03 - A Photo Of You And Your Craziest Friend

2011-08-17T16:38:00.000+08:00

I think I have to upload more than 1 picture for this one because most of my friends are crazy lol. But I have friends from different parts of my life so it's not possible to upload just one picture with all of us in it because there is no such picture ._. K so Imma upload two pictures then hehe.

The first one will be the picture of my school friends. They were the craziest people I have ever met back then. I got sent to the bilik disiplin a lot of times because I did things that I'm not supposed to do of course. Like play around with the fire extinguisher and having to pay for the damages done (although the boys opened it first they should totally be the ones who paid for it, not us -.-) or make the Science teacher scream at us and drag us out of the lab. Boy, those were the days.

13 is the craziest year I have lived so far. My maturity level dropped down to negatives. I didn't care about my studies, I didn't care about how my parents would feel if they knew what I did ; I just wanted to have fun with my gang. And as a result, 2004 was the most badass year of my life. I grew up a bit when I turned 14 so I wasn't any fun anymore lol. I stopped doing crazy things because of that. That's the horrible part about growing up. You tend to think that fun things are always immature and because you desperately want to show people how much you've grown into a matured, young lady you stopped having fun :\

Growing up sucks. But staying immature doesn't really do much help to yourself either. I think it's best to have a bit of both in yourself. Don't be too serious and don't be too immature. There are times when you need to be mature and rational and there will also be times when you need to act like a 5 year old. Do things accordingly for maximum satisfaction!

So this is a picture taken with my school friends, who have sticked with me through thick and thin, who have comforted me whenever I was teased and most importantly, who are still friends with me regardless of the crazy shit I put myself into sometimes.

I wanted to put a picture of the ten of us when we were 13 but I forgot to ask Lee to take a picture of it using her camera :\ Maigod, look Hasan is in here too! (although he looks totally disconnected from the crowd) That should be fair enough because as far as I'm concerned he's one of the craziest guy I've ever met lol.

And the next picture I'd like to put is of my UIA friends not because they're my closest friends but because they also happen to be not right at the mind :p Mainly Mee, Yunie, Kartika, Faie and Nurul. But I don't really have a picture of us together so I'll just put a picture of me, Mee, Yunie and Kartika when I went to Terengganu last year :3

K I purposely had this one up because Kartika looked super energetic in it HAHAHAHAHA. Lompat tak ikut time ftw! Love these guys to bits :)

Day 02 - A Really Good Memory

2011-08-16T20:44:00.000+08:00

Woah this one should be hard to pick. Well, by far I think my best memories were made when we went to that Melaka trip last year. I love nothing more than to be surrounded by the people I love all the time :)

So I'm going to pick a picture of us while we were having fun there!

Continuos shooting so we ended up looking bersepah lol. God, I miss being around these people :')

The 30 days photo challenge. I have succumbed to it.

2011-08-15T19:07:00.000+08:00

I've always thought the word succumb sounds a bit like cucumber.

K.

So anyways I decided to do this, um thing so that I'll have a reason to update my blog everyday. And I have to put in pictures too! yeay!

So yes, Day 1.

Day 01 - A recent picture of you.

K. I'm vain and i love camwhoring no matter how big the camera might or might not be. This was 2 days ago, when we were waiting for Fatim to get ready sebab nak pergi that bazaar muhibbah(?) nearby. The camera was in my hands, I was not thinking straight so I am not to be blamed. LOL so serious. But seriously, I'm vain. Even my mum says so. If I get my hands on a compact mirror I would have difficulties in letting it go. I like to look at every possible inch of myself and convince myself that I look good. But I'm definitely NOT self-obsessed.

Self-obsessed people have their photos plastered all over their blogs and facebook albums and twitter right? I don't. Well at least I don't think I do. Umm, right? .-. K so maybe I am a bit self-obsessed. I should get help. K.

So there you go. Day 1! Wow I'm looking forward to Day 2 already. Teeheehee.

This is serious me talking.

2011-07-19T22:36:00.000+08:00

I just found that the older I get, I'll discover a lot of new things ergo a lot of changes will be made to my supposedly fixed future plans.

Remember how much the nineteen year old me wanted to get married last year?

The twenty year old me have decided to not get married.

At all.

Well maybe. I don't know how things gonna go for me. So let's just live for the time being. And for the time being, I have decided to remain single and I am focused on making myself happy eventhough I do not have a significant other. I discovered that I kind of have way too many priorities right now to be thinking of something serious (nope, a fling wouldn't do either) that involves my personal life.

So basically my plan to get married at 25 has taken a whole 180 degree turn. I don't intend to get married until I reach 35 or something because I want to concentrate on myself first ~~and because I refuse to learn how to cook and I don't want to take care of somebody else when I couldn't even take care of myself~~ and I want to do things happy, single, unmarried people do.

How the hell can people get married anyway? Marriage for me right now means committing to seeing only one face for the rest of your life. To live with the same person until you're dead. To deal with all that person's annoying habits and attitudes that you don't like. To take care of that person like how you take care of yourself. And the kids, urgh, don't let me start on the kids. I have no idea why I'm suddenly so pessimistic when it comes to marriage. I know it's supposed to be a divine union of two person ~~who agree to see each others' face only until they're dead~~ who really love each other but I just don't see myself being one of them.

Maybe this is just the twenty year old me talking. I don't know. I change my mind a lot. But remaining single until I'm 35 sounds like a really good idea to me. For now. I'm gonna tell you straight that I hate having responsibilities that I have the option of not having. Like marriage. Maybe I'll rent an apartment with Lee and spend our lives taking care of our white kittens white grey eyes until we die. And then we'll give our kittens away to somebody. I mean, before we die of course. See, no big deal.

Maybe I'll change my mind next year. I'm easily influenced by what happens around me. I mean, my stand on certain things are pretty solid. But on others, it's like Jello. I can like you one day and hate you the other.

Wait, that's PMS ._.

But you totally get what I mean right? An idea that doesn't seem to bad at the moment may seem absolutely ridiculous in a few years. People change, plans change, things change. Everything is constantly changing around us. So don't come screaming after me next year if I post about wanting to get married and have 30 kids okay. Like I said, everything changes over time.

Oh and if you're one of my really close friends you prolly know that I intend to minor in Psychology. And minoring means learning an additional 10 subjects. Yes, I am going to have to learn 10 more Psychology subjects. I know it's going to be a rocky road because my time management is shit and I fool around a lot but it's entirely my decision and I'm going to go through with it. I'm going to graduate an English major whose also minoring in Psychology. I don't want to graduate with just one measly degree without anything else. There's just no contentment in that.

I have a PTPTN loan and in order to convert that into a scholarship I'll have to graduate first class. Seriously dude I am not paying RM30k back. I'll die before I complete the payment ._. So I came up with this genius idea to graduate with first class honors so that I wouldn't have to pay back anything. Nada. Nil. Zilch. Zero. I'd say that's a pretty good idea if I was a big brained genius but I'm not. I just got really lucky for my first semester result and I know that. Some people think that I am indeed a big brained genius but I really am not. God has been very kind to me. I am very much aware of that. I didn't put in as much effort to get that good of a result.

So I have vowed to myself that I'm going to concentrate on that and ONLY that for my remaining four years of degree. I won't make room for anything else except spending time with my beloved bimbos :p

And I'm actually being really serious here. I'm taking a stand that I am not going to shift my focus onto anything else. Just my goal of graduating with a first class degree and a minor. Nothing else.

This is serious me talking. FEEL THE SERIOUSNESS OF THE SITUATION BITCHESSSSS

But seriously. I'm serious about this.

I am angry. I am really angry.

2011-07-14T03:22:00.000+08:00

Hello.

If you should know, my football knowledge is next to nothing. I am not a hardcore fan of any football clubs, I have never been and I probably never will be. Whenever there's a football match, I just cheer on the team that I like the best because of my own personal reasons. Like during the Terengganu vs Kelantan match, I was on Terengganu's side because I have a lot of close friends from Terengganu. See? My very own personal reasons. Nothing too serious or political.

I went to the match tonight because my sister asked if I wanted to come along. The only reason I came was because I wanted to know how it feels like to watch a live football match. That's it. Nothing more. And I was on Arsenal's side because most of their players are hot. That's it. My very own personal reasons. Nothing too serious or political.

I know a lot of people take football very seriously. I am not one of them. I rarely take things seriously unless I have to. And I think due to the fact that my football knowledge is inadequate, my opinions on football matches should not be taken seriously. Eventhough it is important to accept and respect other people's opinion, it is not wise to take every single little thing too seriously and have really serious opinions about it. Moderation is the key.

I reached home at 1am tadi. I am tired and cranky and my mood is not stable. When I'm cranky, I get pissed really easily and when I'm pissed I tend to say things that I will regret saying later. I am typing this post with my sensible mode on because if I turn my pissed mode on, things are going to get ugly and I do not like it when things get ugly because of what my anger had made me do so I am going to stop typing now before I say anything that might upset anyone.

P/s: It doesn't hurt to assess the situation before making a conclusion.

Bersih 2.0

2011-07-10T22:18:00.000+08:00

Hello. If you follow me on Twitter you'd probably know that I'm an avid supporter of Bersih. I support their cause and I think that what they're fighting for is a noble cause indeed ; a better future for Malaysia. I also think that it doesn't hurt to support a cause that you believe in because, well, you believe in it.

However, I'm very much aware that I do not share the same belief with all my friends. Some supported it, some were against it. But I don't mind. It's the differing opinions that make things interesting. It would be pretty boring if I have a circle of friends who were supporters like I am eh? I don't mind the fact that I have friends who were against Bersih, it's what they believe in and in my opinion they should fight for what they believe in :)

This is not a sarcastic post. I didn't write this post for controversial purposes nor to rise any political issues in my circle of friends. I believe in prioritizing friends before politics. Politics don't play a very big role in my life. Politics weren't there when I needed somebody to talk to or a shoulder to cry on. Politics didn't fail my papers with me and certainly didn't laugh with me about it. My friends did :)

While I find it a bit difficult to voice out my opinion in public because of our differing opinions, I still have no qualms about my friends being on the side that I am not. I was born and raised in a rebellious (anti-gov sounds too political) family. During the 1997 rally in which people were protesting about how the then PM invited cricket players from Israel to play here, my dad went along the protest and got caught. I didn't really remember it but my sister said he appeared on TV shouting "Allahuakbar! Allahuakbar!" I remember going to kindergarten the next day and my teachers were all worried and everybody kept asking me "Atikah, ayah awak kene tangkap kan?"

But there was one thing that I really remembered. I wasn't ashamed of my dad for spending a night in jail. I was a very proud 6 year old. At that time I was proud because a lot of people saw my dad on TV. But now I realize that he was fighting for a cause that he believed in and I admire my old man for that. When he doesn't agree with something, he doesn't just sit down and do nothing about it. He joined in a rally to show how unsatisfied he is with the issue. That's why I really look up to my dad :)

I'm telling you this to show you how different people are from each other because they were raised differently. I was raised in a family of rebels, perhaps my other friends were raised in a family who believed in a cause which is different from what my family believes in. It's nature. Not everybody will agree on what you say or what you do. People will always have different opinions on the same issue. The important things here is to accept that and to respect what others have to say. You may think you're right but you have to consider that they may think the same thing too and they will have their own arguments to rebut yours and who knows, maybe their argument would change your point of view.

I admit that I was kind of pissed off when I read my timeline because I have friends who were anti-Bersih. I was pissed because they didn't support what I did. Because they don't believe in the same thing that I did. But then I thought about the fact that we are two different people. We don't come from the same family, we don't come from the same area, heck we don't even come from the same school. Can you see where this is going? Because of how I was raised, I believed in A. But that doesn't mean everybody was raised the way I was raised. Some people might believe in B because of the believe that their family had instilled in them. Or maybe even C.

So you see, it's doesn't matter that others don't share the same belief as you do. It doesn't matter that your friends don't support the cause that you think is noble. The most important thing that you have to keep in mind is that there is completely no use to argue over politics. I think I have matured in a way that I don't blast at people for not having the same believe as I did anymore. I have accepted the fact that not all of my friends believe in what I do and I respect them for that. I respect them for having a stand and most importantly, I respect them for having the guts to voice out their opinion is a sea full of people who might share the same feeling or those who might not :)

Arguing over politics is the stupidest thing a person can do. No, let me rephrase that. Arguing over politics WITH YOUR FRIENDS is the stupidest thing a person can do. You can't impose your belief on other people, that's wrong. You can try, but it's just plain immoral to force people to believe in what you do. Respect others and in return you'll be respected too :)

Dear friends, regardless of which side you are on, I still love you guys and I always will :)

Indecisive

2011-07-05T00:13:00.000+08:00

I used to think that blogging was the only way to express. Until I discovered Twitter :\ And now I feel terrible for not updating frequently. Because I always thought that updating my blog is a kind of routine for me. It's like I have to do it, regardless of whether I actually have things to talk about or not. But then pointless ramblings are really just...pointless. And at the same time I discovered the majestic ability of Twitter, the place where you can ramble pointlessly about anything at anytime and you can limit your ramblings to certain people.

And because I have a serious case of cursing, I diverted my attention and my time to Tweeting. I made an account on January and so far I have tweeted about 18, 885 tweets. In just 7 months. Kill me now. I think that I'm the kind of person who have a lot of things to say about a lot of issues but I just don't really have the time or the discipline to sit down and write it all out here. So instead I just tweet short updates on Twitter. I feel guilty for not writing more often. No wonder I feel so depressed. It's been such a long time since I last expressed myself here. Writing is the only way to make me feel better. Unfortunately, there are ethics and rules to be adhered to when you're writing in a public blog. Hence, the use of Twitter.

But now I've made my Twitter account public so I don't know what's the use of having a Twitter account anymore .-.

So, umm, updates. Yeah. I honestly don't know who reads my ramblings here because duh, they're ramblings and pointless ones too. Unless you're a hardcore stalker then I wouldn't wonder so much. Or you find me amusing which is unlikely. Or you're just plain jobless and you like reading. Hmm, gotta like the last one better. So anyways I just completed my short semester and boy, was it a hectic one. My contact hours in the long semester was 13.5 but during this short semester it went up to 22. Wicked is it not .-.

I am going to admit that Arabic is indeed a pain in the ass because I sincerely find it confusing and not interesting and it is just not in my heart to like and learn Arabic. Yes, yes I know it's like the official language of Islam or something but I just find it so confusing. Maybe I'm better off learning another language. Like French, for instance :3 Ifinditsexydon'taskmewhy.

But thank God I managed to get through it but I'm really bothered with RASOK. With such a low CAM, I don't think I'm even close to getting an A- :( I really want to maintain my pointer but it's difficult when you get a lecturer like mine. I honestly don't know what he wants and it's just stressful because because he's really strict and stuff. I think I did Alhamdulillah for my finals. I just hope I get at least a B. Even getting a B+ is out of the question, sigh. I'm just thankful it's all over and I can get a peace of mind. Until the results come out of course.

So here I am. Home. With absolutely nothing to do until the long semester starts in September. Staying at home doing absolutely nothing is really not something I enjoy doing. I can't get a job because it'll be during the fasting month and everybody knows that I get easily pissed and tired when I'm fasting so there's a high probability that I'm going to get sacked because I might like, yell at the customers or get pissed at them for no reason.

Don't ask me what customers .-.

But the good news is mum agreed to buy me a new phone and a new laptop. And I have set my mind on getting an E5 because I like it and it's not too expensive and a Macbook :3 Just the regular one though, couldn't afford to go Pro hihi. I know it's not that my parents couldn't afford it. I know they could. But I think that they just want to give me a lesson on how to be reasonable when buying things. Of course, I face constant failure in this when buying clothes and food. I love spending money on things I love so you can't really blame me for tha. Buying new clothes and food makes me happy :B

It makes everybody happy. I reckon depression wouldn't exist if everybody were to have new clothes everyday and an endless supply of food.

Anyways a lot has happened in my life during these past few months but I just didn't have the time to update it here. So I'll put pictures instead because I love posting pictures in my blog. I think pictures will make it more colorful hihi.

This picture was taken during the Residency's Family Day. We got so bored waiting for food we decided to camwhore. Goofily.

LOLWUT.

One perasan cantik tapi senyum senget picture for you.

Tiyah's favorite picture because I look blergh -_-

Ok I'm too lazy to upload more picture HAHAHA. Go ahead, hate me for being lazy .-. Kbai.

Just sit back and listen

2011-04-22T00:40:00.000+08:00

You want to know the truth?

The truth is that I really really REALLY want to wear short shorts with sky high heels and a cropped top and just go outside and hang out with my friends like it's nobody's business.

The truth is that I really really REALLY want to hold a guy's hand and look him in the eyes and smile and perhaps give him a peck at the cheek. Married or not married.

The truth is that I really really REALLY wanna go to a concert and scream my lungs out singing along to my favorite song that's being sung by my favorite band on the stage.

The truth is that I really really REALLY want to.. well, do a lot of things that I know I can't and I'm not supposed to do.

I'm just me after all.

But don't worry. I'm still sane. I know my limits. I know my stand and I am well aware of my principles. But then again, I'm just me.

*Enthusiastically waves"

2011-04-20T01:13:00.000+08:00

I would like to open this monthly update with a plead,

Please don't hit my head for being on a hiatus without any notice :3 Not that anybody would notice or care lol. It's just me being perasan and basking in own self-claimed awesomeness and I don't know what the hell did I mean by that.

So, umm hi everybody. *awkward wave*

I honestly don't know what to blog about anymore. I'm a terrible blogger. I deserve to be cut up into pieces and be fed to the dogs. SOBS. So should I blog about what I'm feeling? How my day was? How my nephews annoyed me today? LOL I sound like a noob blogger. I should stop sounding like that and start sounding awesome instead. I think it's because I made a Twitter account and I already have a tumblr account so when I feel like venting or rambling or ranting or whatever I just do them either on Tumblr of on Twitter. Poor blogspot. Now I feel so guilty :|

So, umm can I compensate this few-worded post with pictures instead? Had a sleepover at Lee's last thursday and it was AWESOME. She baked these cute little cone-cupcakes for me and bam and she made peanut-butter pie! The con-cupcakes were really cute. She baked them in ICE CREAM CONES YES PEOPLE YOU HEARD IT RIGHT. FREAKIN ICE CREAM CONES.

I swear it looks like McD's sundae cone on the outside! But the kind that never melts ._.

And Amr got me a birthday gift! Lee went over to her house to pick it up ♥ so she could give it to me that night. Lee told me Amr asked her what do I like and she said something colorful and London-ish so I could just, you know, nonchalantly tell people where it's bought.

It's surprising how well somebody knows you.

So Amr got me this really cute bag with colorful 'London' all over it! It's so cuteeeeeeeeee I just can't seem put it down that night. I kept looking at the mirror posing with the bag because it was so cute :3 Thank you Amr. I love it!

Behold! The bag with colorful Londons. LOL cute kan :3

The bag I mean. Of course I mean the bag, duhh.

And the next day we went for a haircut! We had to really look because most shops didn't offer that tempat tertutup for people who wear tudung to have haircuts :| And we came across this saloon (HAHA) and there was that tempat tertutup place and THE PRICE WAS SO CHEAP OMG. Hair cute + blowdry (weird incomplete version) + basic hair treatment for only RM35! We'd be crazy to not agree. But there was only one chair for the tempat tertutup so we had to take turns having haircuts which resulted in us spending nearly 3 hours there teehee.

And we agreed to meet up with Halim suppoedly for lunch but since the haircuts were taking really long hours we decided to meet up for tea instead because it's been such a long time since I saw Halim and his girlfriend Nurun is coming too and I've never met Nurun in person so it would be nice to finally meet and greet her hehe.

Pictures at the saloon!

Bam's dream haircut lol.

Me flipping through haircut magazines wondering whether I've made the right decision by getting this kind of haircut.

Lee playing her favorite game :D

So after having our haircuts we went to see Halim at this place called, umm, Axis Atrium? I forgot what it's called. But it sounds really hip so Axis Atrium must be right HAHA.

Halim and Nurun! The moment Halim saw me taking out Lee's camera from my bag he was all, "Koz, tangkap la gambar." multiplied by 10 -.-

The iFamily. Bam's not in it though :P While we were all on the restaurant's wifi checking in and tweeting Bam was just sitting there staring at the table and going "I hate my phone" HAHA well she didn't really say I hate my phone. I'm just making it more dramatic. Teehee

I like taking pictures of the same gadgets because it looks like I have a store that sells gadgets(?) Lee was all "Eee asal tangkap gamba camni gelabah la macam nak show off eee." I like to feel like a store owner ok.

Lee's purposely mismatched socks. Nurun thought they were sold like that -.-

Bam was so amused by this board because the waiters took the initiative to actually draw mee goreng and ice lemon tea LOL.

Ooohhh and Bam painted my nails for me ~~because I have minor Parkinson and can't paint my nails properly~~ because she's really good at doing so. It's bronze and I look like I have no fingernails because it matches the color of my skin! Camouflage FTW.

Selamat Hari Raya Maaf Zahir dan Batin dari kami sekeluarga.

Halim in a desperate attempt to make me take pictures of him 'willingly' HAHA. He walked up the escalator looking like there's somebody at the end whom he'd like to punch. No kidding.

So that's all for now. See I wrote quite a long post to compensate my unannounced hiatus. Please love me now :D

I set fire to the rain, watched it pour as I touched your face.

2011-03-21T10:37:00.001+08:00

Hi. I know everybody must hate me being on an unannounced hiatus for more than a month. I think it's because I have other priorities now. Or whatever.

Do you know how much I ~~hate~~ dislike it when people bring something up from my past and slam it in my face? It makes me want to howl in memory of the pain I used to feel. I had a hard time in school, you should know that. Albeit having awesome friends, my school days is certainly not something I like to talk about openly. I always feel tears coming up when somebody brings up about what people did to me in school. I know I don't get that anymore now. But there will always be those scars. And sometimes I think that they're the kind of scars that can be opened once again. It used to hurt and it still hurts. Not showing it to anybody doesn't mean I don't feel it. I do, I'm just trying not to make such a big deal out of it.

I'm scarred for life. You should be well aware of that. Or maybe you're not because you didn't really know what happened. Not that I'd want to share it with you. It's just something I can't talk about. Everybody has that one thing they can't seem to express to others. This is mine. People can try and convince me I don't look like how I used to back then. They can try and try and try. And I can act like I'm convinced. But no, I'm not convinced and I think I never will be convinced. I hate it when people bring that up and all those shitty feelings I used to feel about myself, those feelings that make me feel like I'm worthless come surging up again. Strangling my new faith until it suffocates and leaves me feeling like a piece of shit all over again.

I don't know whether you've felt that worthless before or not. But I have okay. And I'm not lying when I say that I didn't enjoy even one bit of it. It used to make me feel miserable about myself and now I know that it will keep haunting me until the day I die, literally. I don't know how many assholes I've killed in my mind everytime that feeling comes. Assholes that made me feel that way. I may appear to be okay with you now. Everything seems to be well doesn't it? However well I may treat you, please do know that I will never forget what you did to me. How I'm really scarred for life because of your words.. Your mindless, stupid words that you uttered to me, I still remember from years ago. And I think I'll remember them forever. Unless I get brain damage. Thank you for permanently scarring me. Thank you from my fucking broken confidence. Thank you from the bottom of my scarred heart. Thank you fuckers.

I hate you for what you did and I forever will. You can say sorry all you want. You can forget. You can do anything that makes you feel good about yourself. But sorry, I won't be able to do that. I won't be able to forgive you, I won't be able to forget and I won't be able to do things that would make me feel good about myself. You may think that this isn't a big deal. That I'm over-reacting like a little bitch. But no. I'm not. This is now I really feel and I'm nto afraid of being accused as a drama queen. You're not in my shoes. You don't get to feel all those feelings I used to feel. You don't get to feel like somebody just stomped on you until you feel so worthless you just want to curl up and never go out ever again. You've never felt all that, so you can say whatever you want and do whatever you like.

I am honestly sick and tired of constantly feeling like this. Sometimes I wish that I would wake up one day and all my emotions would be taken away from me. So that whenever people try to make me feel worthless I won't even feel shit. So that when people try to stomp on me, I ain''t even mad. I wish I would stop caring and loving and missing and whetever other feelings that I constantly feel, for once. I'm tired of feeling. Right now, I just want to feel nothing. Nothing at all.

For all the people who have made me feel worthless, this is for you.

Here is to what we are. Or what is left of us.

2011-02-10T15:45:00.000+08:00

Emotions, emotions, emotions.

I wish I had less of them. I have been a very emotional person as far as I can remember. I get upset and emotional over every little stupid thing. It kind of runs in the family. Except my dad. He's always very calm and relaxed. I wonder how he does that. Or maybe it's because I'm a girl and I'm meant to have all these emotions in me. Hmm.

Anyways, I'm tired of being emotional. I wish I could just stop giving any fucks so that I won't be so depressed when something emotion-related happens. Like if my cat dies. If I have a cat that is. I'm sure I'd be pretty depressed for a minimum of a week. I mean, it's my cat we're talking about. And it's no longer there for me. I wouldn't be able to cuddle with it anymore. Or feed it. Or talk to it. Or pat it. The feeling's kind of different knowing that my pet cat is no longer here with me. RIP my imaginable pet cat.

I've been on a roller coaster of emotional release for quite a few days now. Thank God it's not that bad to the extent that I can't even study anything. Plus I have a test coming up tomorrow. Linguistics. And I don't understand shit about chapter six. There's only so many things to learn in a chapter it's getting exhausting! I can't wait for this semester to end. Ayunie's gonna start next semester OMGGGG! I swear I'm so excited at the prospect of seeing her face everyday until I puke out of an overdose of Ayunie lol. Nah that's unlikely :P

Hmm I don't know what to write about anymore. I'm having a lot of thoughts in my mind. But they're the kin of thoughts that you can't really say out loud. Private thoughts, yes. So I'm just gonna go ~~drown in my sorrow~~ and start studying on chapter 6. Plus I need to memorize the phonetic alphabets. K bye.

Sorry. I can't think of a title.

2011-02-03T00:47:00.000+08:00

I went to One Utama with Lee and Bam today. Anyways (directed at Lee and Bam, but you can read it too like DUH of course you can read it) do you notice how our nicknames have only three letters in them? Lee, Bam, Koz. Oh and Amr's too. I used to say Amr with a very prominent R sound but then I heard how Lee pronounced it and I started pronouncing it as Am which doesn't sound as retarded at pronouncing it as Amr with a strong R. It usually ends up sounding like AMMER. HUMMER HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA.

Ok I really shouldn't make fun of Amrina's nickname ._.

So anyways (CAN SOMEBODY SUGGEST ANOTHER PARAGRAPH OPENING FOR ME? URRRGGHH) it's been quite a while since I saw Lee and Bam so it was very nice to get to spend the whole day with them. Lee was supposed to come and pick me up and 1030 but due to unavoidable (MEH) circumstances she arrived like an hour later ._. They were calling me like every 5 minutes asking for directions and I THINK I guided them clearly enough through the phone but it turned out that my sense of direction sucks. Even on our way to One Utama with ME in the car and Lee driving around MY neighborhood we nearly made a few wrong turns. I have just realized that I have problems with my right and left side. When lee asked, "Right of left?" I had to show her the direction with my hand which pissed her off because she was driving and what the hell was I doing showing her the directions with my hands instead of just saying it out loud.

She kept screaming at me. It was frightening ._.

So after a lot of screaming and tarts being eaten(?) we reached our destination and parked the car and yada yada yada and walked and yada yada yada and ate at Johny's where the food is surprisingly quite cheap. Lee had green colored noodles wtf. I think they were called Spinach noodles. I forgot to ask her how were they. But she finished it. So either it tastes ok or Lee is a pig and eats every single thing in her way. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Ok I'm just kidding you're not a pig please don't scream at me.

Bam ate this weird rice and BBQ chicken thing which looks very boring and I had kuey tiaw soup which IS very boring because I didn't know what else to eat. I wanted to try the steamboat but it's too time consuming and it's not like we have until 11pm to stay out. My dad asked me just now "What time did you reach home?" and I answered, "About five pm" and he went, "SO LATE?" and I was like looking at him and going ._.

Dad, I love you and everything but you have to understand that I'm 20 years old already. Yes Dad, your youngest little girl has grown up into this young ~~bitch~~ lady and she can manage herself pretty well without you having to worry about her. I think I'm doing okay so far. So you don't have to worry about me. ~~I promise I won't have unprotected sex before marriage and get impregnated by some random guy on the streets if that's what you're worried about~~ It's all right to have a little trust in this young lady :)

Lol what the hell I sounded so grown up just now. But I really do think that 20 is a big number. I'm not a teenager anymore. I'M AN ADULT NOW BITCHES! And you could hear me saying that exact sentence in two months time when my birthday comes lol. I'm still nineteen right now. But feeling so twenty already wtf. I'll get married in five years time and then comes the baby :O

Ok let's not get THAT carried away.

So today was really fun. Lee acted like a drunkard on cough syrup all day long lol. It was secretly entertaining because seriously, how much close would you get to a drunkard act-a-like if not your awesome as hell friends? And I mean that in a nice okay DON'T SCREAM AT ME. God, I can still hear you voice ringing in my head I swear ._. I hope I don't have nightmares tonight. A nightmare which would comprise of Lee yelling and screaming and shrieking at me throughout our journey from Malaysia to Ice Land. By foot. Carrying Polar Bears.

DAMN THAT WOULD BE ONE HELL OF A NIGHTMARE.

Ok scratch the Polar Bear part that was just plain stupid wtf.

Oh and I bought a new pair of jeans today! I initially wanted to try another pair but they were too similar to a pair that I already own so when Lee found this really nice comfortable wide leg jeans I just HAD to beg her to let me have it. HAHA Ok so maybe I didn't beg her. She was all, "Meh. Judging by the long legs they'd probably suit you better anyways." So I tried them on and I was like SO IN LOVE WITH THE CUTTING AND THE FABRIC AND THE BUTTONS AND OHMYGOD IT WAS THE FIRST TIME I FELT SO MUCH LOVE FOR AN INANIMATE OBJECT I ALMOST WANTED TO RUN AROUND THE SHOP WITHOUT MY PANTS ON AND SCREAM IN DELIGHT.

But they were actually a bit too long so I'm gonna have to ask somebody to alter it so that it would fit ._.

BUT WHATEVER I LOVE IT.

And if you're wondering why isn't there any pictures it's because Lee hadn't put them up yet. One of the reasons why I love going out with her is that she will ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS upload the pictures we've taken with her big camera on that day into a whole new album♥

Oh and I wore a skirt today for the second time this year. I think I'm starting to like it. It makes me feel so..gay. In a good way. Don't ask me how gay in a good way is like I don't get what I myself am saying half of the time lol. So there you have it a motherfather long post because I felt guilty I hadn't updated this blog for quite sometime :( Only 4 posts in January WTF is wrong with me. I must blog more often after this or I'll lose my innate writing skills whatever that's supposed to mean.

I'm going to end this post with a disturbing picture of me, Lee and Bam eating Subway because we're awesome shizz like that yo.

Eh lupa pulak aku ada blog

2011-01-27T15:12:00.001+08:00

I wore a skirt to class today. It felt weird lol I was so conscious of myself the whole day I kept looking at mirrors everytime I walk pass one. I am really NOT a skirt person mind you. I feel so gay wearing them which is what I shouldn't be feeling because I am a girl after all and girls don't just feel gay. Unless they like another girl. But that's a whole different story. The last time I wore a skirt was when I went to Terengganu 4 months ago. And that was the first time in many many many years. I would totally rock pencil skirts but I'm a hijabi so yeah lol.

Nurul and Najwa wore skirts too today. We were supposed to wear them on Tuesday but I couldn't find anything to wear mine with so I didn't. And being self conscious of how I look in a skirt doesn't really help too. But Kartika said I look really nice in a skirt prolly because I'm kind of tall so that made me feel a little better hehe.

My first post in almost two weeks and I end up talking about skirts.

Great.

OH MY GOD I almost forgot that I'm going back home tomorrow! Can't wait to see my nephews. Plus my dad is picking me up tomorrow because I called my mom yesterday and asked her to PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE come and pick me up mainly because I can't stand going back home by KTM. I don't have a proper backpack for my laptop so I had to used a normal backpack and my shoulders hurt like hell everytime I lunge that thing home. That thing, my laptop, yes. Maybe I secretly have osteoporosis ._. God I hope not. I heard that when you're pregnant you'll need a lot of calcium for your baby's growth and you'll end up losing a few teeth or something. I don't really care about the teeth part because if my child pisses me off I can just tell pull off his/her teeth as revenge HHEGhhehGEHEGHgehgHGEHEGHGhge. Yes, I am going to be a creepy mother.

So anyways (I just HAD to use this) I had three mid term papers this week. No, Mass Com was last week. Poetry and BM was yesterday. I only slept for an hour when I was studying for my Mass Com because eventhough only 4 chapters were included, they were 4 REAAALLLLYYY REEEAAALLLYYY LOOOONNNGGGG chapters. Thank God for Nurul and Mee otherwise I would've slept at 10 and not wake up in the middle of the night to study hihi.

I think I shall go have some more sleep because I was so deprived of sleep that I overslept this morning. I woke up at 0935 and started freaking out because class was at 10 and this was the kind of class where you would have to sit on the floor of you were late. Lol ok so maybe not on the floor. But this class was so packed it's almost impossible to find yourself a seat if you turn up late. And because I was late today I didn't get to sit at my usual spot. Instead I end up sitting between Eryna and this half chinese half malay guy who looks like Fatim OH MY LAWD I SWEAR ON THE CUTE PURPLE COVER OF MY ITOUCH HE IS THE MALE VERSION OF FATIM THEY COULD'VE EASILY PASSED AS TWINS I TELL YOU. His complexion, his nose, his eyes and the fact that he is really thin MAKES HIM LOOK 99.9999% LIKE FATIM I AM SO GOING TO TAKE A PICTURE OF HIM.

And I don't care how creepy I'd look. IT MUST BE DONE.

Ok I'm going to get more sleep so that I can function normally tonight. Bonne Nuit! Well, not yet but whatever.

PTPTN

2011-01-13T23:09:00.000+08:00

You could not imagine my relief as I handed my PTPTN forms to that akak this evening. I should be relived. I kind of went through hell for that. It's true. They'll make you run for the money. In my case, they made me wet. Well not technically anyway. And by wet I mean rain-wet. Not the perverted kind of wet. Whatever.

So how my PTPTN story begins ;

I went to the Main Audi at exactly 2pm today because I want to be first in line because I hate waiting for such a long time only to have that thing done in seconds. Like handing the PTPTN form. So I waited for like half an hours before a guy from the office prolly showed up to certify my documents and stuff. Good looking, he is indeed :B So after that I went inside the Main Audi to hand in my forms but there was this small queue so I and Nurul sat for a while at the front row while Mee settled in at the back of the hall. So after a few minutes my turn finally came up and I went to that guy in the PTPTN uniform to have him check my forms and all the signatures and whatever other shits that they wanted to check.

AND GUESS WHAT?

Absolutely nobody told me that I had to do that bloody bloody cetak maklumat thing which of course I didn't and I was asked to go and do it right there and then because they wouldn't accept my form otherwise. Fruck knows what website was I supposed to log into. So anyways I went running through the rain with a very crumpled PTPTN offer letter (they told me to make a copy of this one too) in my bag and rain gaily coming down on me. Whatever that's supposed to mean. So first I went to the photocopy shop to potosetet my offer letter and after that I was all WTF WHERE THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO PRINT THAT THING because apparently, the photocopy shops around that area doesn't have internet connection FML.

So anyways I was panicking and calling messaging Nurul asking her if she knows where the nearest CC is which she doesn't of course. It couldn't get any better than this could it. So I wandered back and forth the shops for like 10 minutes because it was raining to heavily and I didn't know where on earth I should go to print that stupid mofoing thing. And a few minutes later Nurul send me a message saying I have to go the ITD and save a copy there and then bring it to the printing shop. So I went to the ITD and made a few wrong turns before finding the lady lab. I almost went into the gent's lab because I was so desperate I swear.

So I found a vacant computer and I logged in and immediately clicked open the Internet Explorer. The internet was so amusingly awesome in that lab that the PTPTN website opened in a matter of moments. So anyways I typed in my IC and my password and THEY WOULDN'T LOG ME IN. "Sila masukkan nombor kad pengenalan yang anda gunakan semasa pendaftaran" kept popping up whenever I tried to log in. So then I rummaged in my bag for my thumbdrive and what would I find other than the fact that I left my thumbdrive in my room? I know, I am so awesome things just have to fall that way. And there I was, unable to log in and with no thumbdrive looking at the clock as it ticks away precious time. The weight of the situation finally hit me in the face and I was on the verge of tears because I didn't know what to do and I keep messaging Mee and Nurul asking for help (I made them depressed too lol) when it suddenly occurred to me that maybe I could ask Sasa.

And so I send her a message asking her for the exact website and her reply made me realize that I had been wasting nearly 45 minutes trying to log in on the wrong website. HOW BLOODY STUPID COULD I HAVE BEEN. After that I quickly logged in and searched for that cetak maklumat thing but I had another problem. WHERE AM I SUPPOSED TO FIND A THUMBDRIVE? I considered asking the stranger sitting next to me for a QUITE while when Gihah called my name. IT IS IMPOSSIBLE FOR YOU TO IMAGINE HOW RELIEVED I WAS WHEN SHE TOLD ME I COULD BORROW HER THUMBDRIVE. I promise I will belanja you when my money comes in Gihah, I PROMISE YOU. At that time I was sure that Allah had sent her to me. I know it sounds silly, but Allah works in mysterious ways doesn't he? Hihi.

So after saving the file on Gihah's thumbdrive (she was such a darling. She told me I could return her thumbdrive through Nas or Ira and that she didn't need it in a hurry ♥) I raced out of ITD and down the stairs and then I half walked half ran to the printing shop. I plugged in the thumbdrive and voila! The only thing I have to do now is click the printer icon. So I clicked it and waited for the papers to be printed. But the outcome was horrible. The fonts were too big so my info was kind of off the papers so the papers looked incomplete and I remembered Sasa telling me that if my infos don't fit on the paper, I should try printing it landscaped. So I did. But I still had to pay for the odd ones though. Sigh. By the time I finished printing it was already 4pm.

So I ran back to the main audi to find it completely empty of students and the PTPTN people looked like they were already packing their stuffs. The guy who was dealing with me earlier was talking to Mee and Nurul and when I showed up he was all, "Hah, dah print?" So I showed him the landscaped cetak maklumat thing and his friend went, "AARGGHH DIE PRINT LANDSCAPE PULAAKK" I seriously considered crying and begging them to accept my from at that time. Seriously. Anyways I panicked again and tears start swelling up in my eyes when the guy told me to follow him to the counter with all my forms. So I did. And he was going through all of them and making conversation with me when he suddenly said, "Dik, awak hantar dengan second group la eh?" (Today is the last day for the people from the first group to submit and the second group will be formed around end of february) So naturally I started freaking out and had tears in my eyes again because I thought that he had accepted my form. So I asked him, "Uhh. Habes semue ni kene buat balik ke?" and he answered, "Haah, kena buat balik" I was like WTF THERE IS NO WAY IN THE WORLD I AM GOING THROUGH THAT KIND OF HELL AGAIN and I think he could see I was starting to cry so he laughed and handed me the form while saying, "Ha nah, pegi hanta kat kakak tu."

I went to this lady and handed her the form. She asked me for my IC and while she was keying in my details I asked her, "Umm kak, ade possibility nak kene reject tak borang saye ni?" Because I was mega freaked out and to my surprise the lady said, "Reject? takdelah dik. Ape-ape jadi pun duit mesti kitorang masuk punye"

That guy lied to me. Bastard.

So anyways I was so relieved after that I went to Mee and Nurul and bawled my eyes out because I couldn't stand the pressure any longer and they started freaking out when they saw me cry lol.

So that was it, my PTPTN story. I do hope I'll never have an episode similar to that ever again. A big thanks to Ayunie for posting my transcript from Nilai, to Sasa for briefing me on what to do when I was panicking like a madman, to Gihah for lending me her thumbdrive and of course to Nurul and Mee for having to wait for me for hours and for comforting me when I cried. You guys are eligible to pester me for a treat the moment my money comes in. I ♥ my friends :)

Rants III. Or is it IV?

2011-01-10T14:27:00.001+08:00

I used to love looking at really gory 18SG pictures before. Like pictures of people being stabbed and cut up and people taht went through some kind of shredder and things like that. But after I opened this Oh!Tidak website I got overdosed with gory pictures and now I can't even look at even a slightly gory picture. It has become very puke-inducing for me. Just now one of my friends on facebook posted this link from Oh!Media about this woman who either committed suicide or was killed in her filled bathtub and she was found like, weeks later. So if you are a fan of gory pictures you can prolly imagine what the pictures look like. Thankgod I haven't eaten my lunch yet. Thank God.

So anyways (do you realize how frequently I use this phrase when starting the second paragraph? Lol) I think I'm getting pretty good on the not-giving-a-damn-about-boyfriends thing. My shabby sense of style and my tone of voice when I talk to guys are major contributors I should think. You know how you have these different tone of voices depending on whom you're speaking to? When I speak with older people it would be the miss goody two-shoes tone of voice but when I speak with my friends I would use the LOLWUTOMGWTF tone of voice. But when I speak with guys (those who I'm not comfortable around with anyways. When I speak to close guy friend I use the Hi-I'm-a-nice-friend-aren't-I tone) I usually make use of the defensive tone which would of course, shoo them away from any prospects of having me as a girlfriend. Yay me.

Meanwhile, the PTPTN thing has made me go absolutely bonkers because it's just so complicated and there's just so many things to do in a short period of time! I hate doing things like this. I really do. Although I have to admit that I work best under pressure, but a bit too much pressure won't do anybody any good would it? So I still haven't had my papers verified by the Dean of the Kuliyyah yet. I hope to do that tomorrow otherwise I can just wave bye bye to my loan. Sobs. I really need that loan ok mostly because I don't like to use my parents' money for entertainment which I do a lot lol. I'll feel really really guilty afterward and I'll go spiraling deep down into temporary depression which I always do ._.

If this is the fuss I have to go through in order to apply a loan, I can't imagine what complicated things I must do when I apply for a scholarship. Funfact: Did you know that out of all the scholars I checked out on the scholarship website only one company (NST) offers a scholarship for English Majors? LIKE WTF ONLY ONE. English is a very important field ok T_T And the government goes around telling everybody how they must acquire english for future use but at the same time they don't provide a special scholarship for English Majors! I demand that the Ministry of Higher Education (if there is such thing) do something about this. I don't want to depend on PTPTN until I graduate. What if I don't find work immediately after I graduate? WHO'S GONNA PAY MY FRICKIN LOAN FOR MEEEEEE.

This is depressing.

It's funny how easily depressed I get. One minute I'm all smiles and thinking about my supposedly bright future and the next I'll be all gloomy and tensed because I don't really know what I would be. I mean, I do have a plan for myself but what if it doesn't go accordingly? What if I mess up along the way and I'll end up being a hobo AAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH TOO MUCH DEPRESSIONNNN.

Anyways I think I'm out of things to say. I'll end this post with a picture of Kartika, Me, Ayunie and Mee because I know that all of us miss her :')

STOP ASKING ME TO PUT A DAMN TITLE HERE DAMN IT

2011-01-04T16:12:00.000+08:00

I have finally accepted the fact that I will never have a boyfriend. Today while I was walking back from class it suddenly hit me that all the hot guys are either taken or gay and I don't have the heart to date guy whom I'm not physically attracted to. I think this has something to do with my dream last night. I dreamed about being forced into marriage with this average chinese looking guy. I'm going to assume he's a Muslim because unless he is, my dad probably wouldn't force me to marry him. Er, right?

I think my dad was declared bankrupt or something in that dream because my whole family was living with me, and my husband and his family. And apparently, I have a son with him. I remember not liking him at all during the early stages of our marriage but somehow my love for him developed throughout our marriage and strengthened when our first son (who looks very much like his father) was born. Oh and did I tell you that my husband is a pekerja kilang? Or a petani. Either one. We kind of live in a hut and I was rebelling because I'm not used to that kind of life. I know, I can be a bitch.

So anyways the only thing that made me remember the dream so prominently was his love for me. I felt so loved in that dream. And I really, really, really love that feeling. I feel loved and appreciated and cared for eventhough we waren't living in a multimillion dollar mansion by the lake. I was just happy to have my husband and my son by my side. It's kind of a weird dream for me to be having and I don't know if that's just some random meaningless dream or my future husband actually looks like that lol. So that prolly means I'm marrying a chinese convert. Because he looks really chinese. Just and average looking chinese. But I loved him (in that dream) and for a moment I felt as if that was all that matters.

But then of course, I woke up and realized that I am still single and miserable.

So I came up with a new year (this might be a bit too late. But whatever) resolution for myself. The only one because I doubt I would be able to achieve anything in my resolution list if I made such a list. I'm just not very disciplined. My new year resolution is to not give a rat's ass about boyfriends, ever. I'm tired of this, I really am. I don't care if my friends have thirty boyfriends each anymore. I just refuse to care. And I think it's better that way because for once, I can stop feeling bad about myself because nobody is physically attracted to me whatsoever. I don't care. I just don't care anymore.

I think one of the reasons as to why I still don't have a boyfriend is prolly because of over exposure to testosterone while I was in the womb. Seriously. I googled about women who have ring fingers that are longer than their index fingers and the result came up like that. Plus they also conducted a research on this and it shows that women with longer ring fingers (I think this was referred to as the low something something. I couldn't remember) showed aggressive traits when dealing with challenging tasks. I'm normally a very relaxed person but I tend to get really really physically and verbally aggressive when people piss me off. And by really really I mean REALLY REALLY.

I think that the probability of me getting into a physical fight with a man is very high if that man does something that can really really piss me off . I have my mom's brute strength in this department so I think it's possible. Plus I have this stupid ego most people don't know about. It's not obvious, but I can feel it taking over me sometimes which explains my sudden mood swings. And I think that's the best alternative for me to handle my ever-expanding ego right now. Everybody is equipped with egos. The problem comes in how you handle them. My handling is shit, so whatever.

Anyways what was I talking about in the first place again? I hate digression.

On the last day

2010-12-31T15:11:00.000+08:00

Looks like I won't be seeing the fireworks this year too. Great. Not that I've ever seen the firework display before. It just seems nice to look at with a group of friends.

So anyways today is a busy day because something-I-can't-mention is happening and is taking place at my house. Meme told me Rasulullah cakap tak baik sebarkan this thing that is gonna happen. Take a guess lol. And tomorrow there will be a big celebration for my Tok Mama who is going to turn 80 this year or something. Dua hari berturut-turut rumah kau penuh orang. Bayangkan Mak jadi neat freak dua hari berturut-turut. Yerghhhh

Today is the last day of 2010 like wtf time flies so fast weh. Some of my friends are freaked out on the prospect of turning 20 because it's such a huge number ._. I think 20 sounds like a sensible, I'm-gonna-get-married-in-five-years age. Lol I hope. But I don't really care about turning twenty. I'm still five on the inside. Hihi. Plus I like being a little older. It makes me feel like very..grown up. And that also means another forever alone year for me. Yay -_-

5 more years till I get married 5 more years baybeeee!

Oh and sudah-sudahla buat new year resolution tu. Bukannya kau berusaha nak mencapai resolution kau pun. Setiap tahun benda sama je dalam list. Buat sebab semua orang buat. Lol cepat betul succumb dekat peer pressure. Dahlah tahun baru bukan Islam pulak tu. Ish ish ish.

So anyways dah 5 tahun berturut-turut aku ada post on the 31st of December :B Haha sukeee.

Rants III

2010-12-17T11:19:00.000+08:00

If you were given another chance at life, would you do it differently?

You know, I can't really answer this question. Because there are some parts of me that I love and some that I hate. But the parts that I hate makes the part that I love. I mean, without the parts that I hate doing what they had done, I wouldn't have the parts that I love. It's all one big complicated cycle. But whatever. Nobody gets what I'm trying to say most of the time anyways.

So I was supposed to go to the library today because I'm bored out of my wits because I just feel very alone in this small compartment of mine because I am alone because my roommates went to godknowswhere they were gone by the time I woke up. So here I am in front of the laptop trying to live a life but failing, miserably. I mean, who lives a life in front of a laptop. People go outside and socialize and have fun okay, that's what living a life is all about. I wanted to go to the library to borrow a few books so that I wouldn't be so bored. As nice as it is to have internet here, it would've been nicer to have a broadband as well.

But because I am always fucking broke, I can't afford a broadband. And a couple of other things as well. I hate having to depend on my parents for money I HATE IT. They wouldn't let me work and I hate that too. I'm 19 so I should know how to take care of myself. I have my principals and my beliefs so seriously, they shouldn't be worried about me mixing with the wrong group of people (which is what they were obsessing about whenever I told them I wanted to work) or whatever. I had learned my lesson from before and I'm not stupid enough to do the same mistake twice without any realization that I am doing it.

I am so stressed out that even surfing the nest is pissing me off. I don't know, I'm just not contented yet. With anything. Emotionally, financially, mentally. I'm not happy with myself. And that sucks because I can't remember the last time I was happy with myself and with what I had. People always say that you won't get the things you want but you'll get the ones you need NOW I NEED A FUCKING BROADBAND HOW COME I DON'T HAVE ONE YET HUH. I must be so pissed to have the f-word come out loud in public. My sisters would flip, they always do.

When I say fucking accompanied by an adjective, it's to emphasize the adjective. Not just random cursing. And I find fricking or friggin not satisfactory enough so when I am in the mood and I feel like saying what I want to say, I used fucking instead. Plus I read the paper a few months back saying how they had done research which shows that if you curse when you're in pain, it'll make you feel better. Psychology's weird like that. But it works for me and that is all I care about. And not just physical pain too, I think it works on emotional pain as well. Although I don't really know why am I in pain but saying the f-word followed by 'it all' really does make me feel better.

And don't judge me on the f-word. People have this kind of mentality where everyone who curses are sluts and whores and cheap bitches. I know, I had that kind of mentality before too but I've grown out of it because the level of immaturity didn't fit me very well. I'll be 20 next year so I think I pretty much have the right to say whatever I want to say without judgmental glares or pointing fingers in my face. It's just a part of who I am. The neutral part. Because I don't hate cursing and I absolutely don't like it. It's like a quick getaway for me.

I am so stressed out and pissed off I can't even think straight anymore. I think I'll go listen to my iPod now.

Ze Main Kampus

2010-12-16T18:54:00.000+08:00

Wow it must've bee almost two weeks since my last post. So anyways, it's quite nice here in Gombak. Lots of places to eat, ok accomodation (although I do miss being in the same room as my dormmates ._.), and most importantly, A LOT OF GUYS. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH. And I've kind of gotten the hang of where is where and how to get to that where so everything is pretty much okay.

But I'm still not used to walking that good what 200,300m to class? Dekat Nilai the classes are like 3 minutes from my room okay. So yes, although my Mahallah is the nearest one to my Kuliyyah, I still feel that it's a long walk. I'm just relieved that I tak sampai classes panting and gasping for air and being sweaty all over. I mean, people from Mahallah Sumayyah prolly would because their Mahallah is SO BLOODY FAR INSIDE. Most of my dormmates got accommodated there and I had spent a night in Sasa's room so yes, I would know lol.

And I'm taking only about 5 subjects this semester with 13.5 contact hours. People always tell me it's too sikit but I know my limit and how much I can carry so I'd say that 5 subjects are just fine for me. Plus I'm also taking the Halaqah I class and the Library Skill class and on my CRS it looks as if I'm taking 7 subjects lol.

My subjects are; Bahasa Melayu Lanjutan (wtf right kena learn BM all over again. I just hope KOMSAS is not included), Poetry, Linguistics, Intensive Writing and Intro to Mass Com. So far I've met all my lecturer except the one for Lingu because she's supposedly not in yet and classes will commence on the 20th which is next week.

My BM lecturer ROCKS I TELL YOU. He's in his 30s and likes to make faces and doesn't look garang at all. I've only spent an hour with him and I really really like him already :D And so is my poetry lecturer, Kak TJ. I think she's almost in her 40s but she insisted on us calling her Kak TJ WHICH IS REALLY COOL. She's half german so she looks really pretty and of course her english is gilbabs. Seriously, all my lecturer are awesomazing as far as I can tell. I asked a senior of mine from school about the lecturer choices I've made and she said they were all A-okay which is good news because I wouldn't wanna be stuck with somebody I can't really stand for 4 months.

So anyways everything is okay as I see it. Although lunch at Evoke is pretty expensive ._. I've eaten Nasik Bujang like 3 nights in a row now. It's just that, that is the only dish that comes to mine when I think of dinner every night. Plus they only cost me like RM1.80 which is cheap sebab nasik die tarok sumpah banyak gile.

Mee went home just now because she doesn't have to go to some stupid camp because her name didn't pop up during Taaruf Week's SLEU briefing but MY NAME FRICKIN DID. I MEAN, HOW UNFAIR IS THAT? There I was minding my own business while some lady promoted SLEU (it stands for student languange enhancement unit I think) on the stage and suddenly she got to the part where apparently, they had randomly selected 6 people from each kuliyyah for some camp in Port Dickson AND THERE MY NAME WAS, NUMBER 1 AS THE PERSON CHOSEN FROM THE KULIYYAH OF ISLAMIC REVEALED KNOWLEDGE AND HUMAN SCIENCES. How lucky can I get right.

So while everybody gets to go home this week, I have to go to this dumb camp because if not they're gonna send some kind of letter to my Kuliyyah saying whatever. STILL. Urghhhhhhhh. I'm just going because I don't have to pay for it, free food and because it was stated in the contract that they made me sign that there would be 'mixed gender' activites. HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Ok tipu I'm not that desperate. But it would be nice to have a few more male acquintances around campus. As of now I only have like what, three? Syafiq, Hasif and budak-budak alamin that I say hi to when we bump into each other. Which makes it 5. Whatever. I suck at making guy friends ok. So sue me.

Ok I think I better stop now because I haven't showered yet. The water here is ICY COLD I swear on cookie crumbs it's like taking s cold shower on the top of Mount Everest. TAK TIPU. Now I know why people don;t shower during winter. CEH HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Ok I'm off to my winter shower. See yeah.

Neighhhh

2010-12-07T00:50:00.000+08:00

Semalam aku tidur rumah abang aku kat Shah Alam. Lin la punye plan ni. Mula-mula aku malas gila cam FFFFUUUUUU nak ikut sebab lagi 2 hari nak pegi Gombak and aku belum pack apa satu haram dahlah bilik semak dahlah almari pun lebih kurang semaknye plus dalam beg peti aku ada baju-baju lama yang aku dah taknak so nak kena fikir pulak nak tarok mana baju-baju tu. Hoh banyak kerja jugak packing ni.

Plus semalam aku pergi Giant nak beli toiletries sebab toiletries memang wajib kena beli DUH. Aku beli sabun Ginvera dengan spa scrub(?) perisa(??) lavender sebab sabun tu adalah sabun paling bes dalam dunia tambah-tambah kalau kau pakai dengan benda spongy-spongy tu macam PERGHH AKULAH MANUSIA YANG PALING BERSIH LAGI SUCI DI DUNIA YANG FANA INI! Serious, tak tipu. Tapi kena pakai dengan spongy-spongy die skali baru rasa bersih. Kalau kau pakai sabun tu ala carte rasa macam tak sabun pun.

Berus gigi pulak (apa ni beli berus gigi ape pon nak cerite) aku beli jenama systema sebab Lin cakap berus die adalah sangat nipis dan boleh masuk sehingga ke urat-urat gigi kau. Aku pun percaye dah beli jelah sebab aku tak pernah pergi jumpa dentist dan lin ada pengalaman memakai braces dan berjumpa dentist setiap bulan jadi mungkin kata-kata lin adalah boleh dipercayai. Tapi aku pelik la aku berus gigi sejak kecik tak pernah tinggal (kecuali masa skolah rendah lol malas gila berus gigi sampai kena pukul dengan mak) kenapa sampai dah umur 19 ni gigi aku tak puth-putih lagi? Aku suka tengok gigi orang yang betul-betul putih tapi mungkin they had veneers on their teeth so, er, nevermind. Aku pernah cuba nak try apa eh yang colgate punye produk tu? Simply White? Aku macam dah nak terconfusekan dengan simplysiti. Hahahahahahha. Tapi lepastu ada kawan aku cakap kalau gigi kuning(mild) tu mungkin sebab genetik. So aku give up.

Lepastu aku juga beli *glances at plastic bag full of toiletries* spongy-spongy, dynamo and a few other things not really worth mentioning here.

Ohh, hari semalamnye pulak aku pergi OU nak cari kasut kelas dengan beg kelas sebab beg polkadot aku macam dah sangat buruk sobs sobs aku sangat sayangkan beg itu. Tapi apakan daya, life must go on. So anyways aku memang dah ada idea kasut apa aku nak sebab Tiyah cakap kat sana nanti mesti banyak berjalan (ke die sorang yang banyak jalan sebab mahallah die jauh dari kuliyyah hahahahagahgaa) so aku macam nak kasut vans yang canvas, lace up deck shoe tu sebab macam ideal gile aku taktau kenape tapi memang macam ideal habis ah.

But then I wasn't sure OU ada ke tak kedai vans sebab aku macam tak pernah nampak pun padahal OU tu aku dah boleh jadi tour guide kot hahahahahh. And the night before aku ada baca blog Kiko ada satu post die ni pasal how bad she wanted this kind of kasut and she mentioned that dekat Cotton On ada and so I went to Cotton On and I bought a grey pair! Mak aku tengok she was like, "Hang nak pakai kasut NI pi keleh?" So I was like, "Mak, mase sekolah dulu Tikah pakai baju kurung dengan kasut ape?" and she went, "Tapi tu mase sekolah fgrejkehrfuewgkerget" I win. Hahahahaha.

Tapi kasut aku macam perempuan sikit kot. And lace die putih so aku nak cari lace hitam supaya tak cepat kotor plus lace putih nampak macam kasut sekolah sangat hegehegehgehge.

Beg pun aku beli kat situ jugak sebab masa tengah cari warna kasut ideal tetibe ternampak beg paling cool yang aku pernah jumpa dan beg tu adalah exactly what I had in mind untuk beg kelas ok the color, the design SEMUANYA SEPERTI YANG AKU MAHUKAN! Jadi aku pun beli. Ish, mesti cool habis aku kat UIA nanti. Mak aku tak cakap banyak bila tengok beg aku she just went, "Beg apa ni?" which made me say "Beg ni in-thing tau mak. It's the IN-THAAANNNGGG." So instead she said, "Toksah dok in-thing in-thing. Blajaq je elok-elok." Mak slalu menamatkan perbualan seperti tu because honestly, who can argue with what's In and what's Out kan hahaagahgag.

Ok yang sebenarnya yang aku ingin tekankan dalam post ni adalah aku tidur rumah abang aku semalam iaitu yang merupakan Lin punye idea. Kitorang sampai rumah abang aku dalam pukul 6 macamtu lepastu abang aku bawak pergi satu tempat charity abenda tah dekat dengan rumah die ni sebab Naqib nak tengok kude wtf. Tempat ni macam agak cool la sebab die cam ade cafe, gym, horse stable (untuk orang yang naik kuda for recreational purposes or nak amek lessons) and yang paling penting sekali ADA TRAMPOLINE SIOT. Cafe die pulak adalah macam sangat cool. Kau makan minom je apa kau nak, and then kau bayar ikut keikhlasan hati kau nak bagi berapa kat charity. Abang aku la cerita ni, aku taktau die tipu ke tak tapi muke die serious je so must be true.

So anyways kitorang pon pergila tempat naik kuda tu sebab naik nak kuda and turns out that die takut nak naik sorang-sorang so aku kesian aku pun temanla die naik kude. Like wtf habis cool aku naik kude FOR RECREATIONAL PURPOSES KALAU NAIK KUDE YANG BERLARI TU NAMPAK COOL AR GAK. Tapi naik dengan budak kan, so takdela nampak loser sangat hahahahaha. Last skali aku naik kude was like 7,8 tahun lepas aku rasa.

Nazif yang 24/7 tak dapat tangkap ape yang sedang berlaku di persekitarannye.

"Tikah, nanti hang letak caption gambaq ni abang saye yang hensem tau." -__________-

Orang pro naik kuda dengan attire yang sangat cool. Sobs.

Satu stable budak ni nak jalan.

Muka dendam sebab kena jadi loser naik kuda dengan cara yang tak cool. DAHLAH AKU SORANG KENA PAKAI HELMET SENGAL NI PULAK TU APAHAL NAQIB TAKYAH PAKAI HELMET PON.

"Ye sabar bang saye belom stable lagi ni lek lu lek lu." Tangan atas peha aku tu tangan Naqib ok. And kurangajar helmet tu ada tulis 'Epic' aku rasa helmet tu nak perli aku. Serious.

Hek eleh kau dah naik kuda buat muka masam lak AKU TENGAH BERKORBAN COOLNESS AKU KOT NAIK KUDA DENGAN KAU UNGRATEFUL PUNYA BUDAK! Aku pulak yang puas dapat naik kuda wtf.

Tiyah teringin jugak nak naik kuda.

Told ya.

Tiyah lagi lame sebab ade gambar naik kuda dari jauh. Hahahahahahhaahah.

Bebi yang tak sedar die tengah naik kude -_-

Gamabr cliche habis 'Keluarga Saya dan Kuda'. Kakak ipar aku suka betul amek gamba camni ._.

Ni counter kat cafe. Budak pakai spek yang jaga counter ni agak cute jugak. Hihihihihi.

TRAMPOLINEEEE OMG OMG OMG. Aku rasa untuk budak-budak tapi time nak balik tu aku masuk jugak lompat 2,3 kali HAHAHAGAHGAHGA. Lepastu aku baru lompat sekejap Naqib jadi clumsy ~~or maybe sebab aku berat sangat~~ lalu jatuh and mase tu aku still melompat dengan penuh kegembiraan so either I accidentally jumped on his hand or he accidentally crushed his own ~~damn~~ hands lepastu die menangis lepastu abang aku ajak balik. Like, APA NI AKU TAK PUAS LAGI NAIK TRAMPOLINE.

Terpaksa ambek gamba sendiri lagi sebab takde orang nak ambekkan. Sigh.

Jat's attempt to actually smile while his picture is taken. Bravo -_-

Aku tarok gambar ni sebab Lin selekeh. HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA.

Ok la dah elok sikit.

Nama restoran yang kitorang makan malam tu. Aku nak makan TomYam sebenarnya tapi abang aku nak cepat sebab kitorang nak pergi iCity (tapi tak masuk pun sebab banyak gile kereta wtf plus abang aku kerja harini so macam tak appropriate la kalau balik lambat) so abang aku suruh order ala carte je and aku dah BORING GILA KOT ASYIK NASI GORENG NASI GORENG KAT NILAI MENGADAP NASIK GORENG KAT RUMAH NASIK GORENG KELUAR MAKAN PUN NASIK GORENG GAK MELEBIH AAA KAAAAAAAAAAANNN. Tapi aku terpaksa jugak order sebab sangat lapar ._. Aku order nasik goreng petai campur sotong. Tak sedap ._____________.

So anyways tu jelah aku nak cerita. Pergh dah lama jugak aku tak tulis panjang-panjang macamni. Disebabkan sekarang dah pukul 12.49 which means that it's already 7th of December, OMG ESOK MASUK GOMBAK OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG. Wish me luck :|

Right. Great.

2010-12-02T17:39:00.000+08:00

So I finally discovered what my eczema is called. Eczemas have different species(?) too okay. No, shit I'm making it sound like I have living microbes on my palm. Disturbing.

So anyways, it's the pompholyx eczema. If you love me and you care about me, google it up because the pictures are too graphic to be put on display here :(

HAHA like I care. Well, I do really but the pictures aren't THAT graphic so it would be okay to put it up here. Heck, I've had a picture of poop up on here before, why not an eczema-infested hand?

Ok I seriously need to stop making my hand sound disturbing.

Remember I had this picture up in my eczema post before and joked about how my hand looked like this? Well, this is it. This is a severe case of the pompholyx eczema. Stupid, backstabbing joke. When you have this kind of eczema, you'll get blisters all over your hand and it'll hurt so bad that you won't be able to do anything with the infected hand. Tiyah had a fever a few days ago and when she recovered, blisters started sprouting(?) on her right hand. Her fingers look like the ones in this picture I KID YOU NOT. She even took a picture of it and I wanted to post it on here but she wouldn't allow me because it was too creepy :B So anyways my mom sort of freaked out and took her to see a doctor (mom rarely does that, TRUST ME) and she was given two courses of medicine. It's like you have to complete the first course of medicine before moving on the next. And not forgetting being aware of what you mustn't it so the blisters wouldn't come again.

Takboleh makan terung. sambal belacan, udang, sotong wtf wtf wtf udang dengan sotong takleh wtffffffff. But anyways, I'd say that I'm having a pretty minor case of pompholyx eczema because I only have a few blisters on my fingers and only one on my feet (yes, they can grow on your tapak kaki too) so I'm kind of limping everywhere right now because I can't let that stupid blister touch the floor or it would hurt. And my hands aren't infected that bad so I can still type. Tyah typed with one hand for like 3 days because the blisters won't go away. And she had to ask me to kupas her ikan and ayam for her masa makan please she can't eat using her hand. It was scary ._.

But mine is only a minor case so I'm still going to gobble down as much seafood and terung and belacan as I can because who knows, maybe one day my hand is going to resemble that creepy hand in the picture and all I can eat is porridge. HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU.

I honestly hope that day wouldn't come.

Today, when I realized that I have the same type of eczema as my sister, I got a bit worried because I kept thinking what would happen it if got worse. I mean, WHO WOULD WANNA GET MARRIED TO A GIRL WITH A HANDFULL OF BLISTERS? HAHA LITERALLY HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

But seriously. How am I supposed to cook, siang ikan, siang ayam (dear husband I hope you hate chicken),basuh sayur, bagi mandi anak WHEN I HAVE BLISTERS ON MY HAND ARRRGGGHHHH, Nobody's gonna want to be married to me. I'm gonna be forever alone. From the moment I saw that meme I KNEW it was trying to tell me something. This is such a tragic turn of events for me. I think I'm going to drown my sorrows in a rerun of the vampire diaries. Goodbye.

Oman National Day Thing

2010-11-29T18:33:00.000+08:00

So anyways two days ago I went to watch Hair Reporter dekat OU hamagah bes gila serious bes serious serious sirius black besttttttt. Semua orang looked so grown up I remembered watching them so small dengan suara tak baligh lagi(?) tsk tsk tsk :')

And I bought yet another checkered kemeja dekat jusco the cutting was perfect because seriously susah gila ok nak cari baju yang falls mid-thigh so kalau jumpa and it's the perfect size you should just bayar without anymore hesitations. SERIOUSLY.

So anyways pictures from the Oman National Day thing.

This guy scanned the machine under every single car yang nak park dekat basement. Looking for bombs I think.

Ok it's either Oman's national day and Oman is actually called The Sultanate of Oman or it's really the Sultan of Oman's National Day(?) But whatever. FREE FOOD!

Lin and Naqib in the toilet. I really like going in and out of the toilet. It's so clean and fancyy.

Tiyah high -_- And I seriously think that all the food I'm eating is going to my cheeks. Seriously. Not in a gedik way ok ni bukan nak kata "alah pipi I makin tembamlah!", no. This is the acknowledgment of how big my cheeks have recently grew into.

Naqib took the picture, hence the reason why it is blur and shaking -.-

Pergh delighted habis muka dapat makan.

DESSERTS ARE LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVEEEEE.

Banyak betul orang-orang arab umur lebih kurang aku berjubah malam ni. Yang hensem pun ada♥

Ada live orchestra lagi tu cool gila kaaaaaaaaannnn. Kuwait kedekut taknak hire live orchestra. Hahahaha.

The biggest cake. There waren't that many cakes tapi yang bestnya they provided forks and knifes so that the guest boleh potong and rasa the cakes!

Tiyah and Lin waiting for the shawarma.

The shawarma! Cool gile die letak orange kat atas skali too so that the meat would serap the juices and the meat would have this tangy taste to it cool gile cool giel cool gile.

One of the smalls tables yang ada in the hall.

People awkwardly standing and networking.

Ayah, cuba senyum sikittt.

Gay habis muka kenyang weols.

MatNaqibss.

Setiap kali pun mesti ade cheesestick ni.

So tu je lah hahahahaha. Bes jugak pergi dengan Tiyah dengan Lin sebab ada orang nak amek gambar aku so takyahlah desperate sangat asyik amek gambar sendiri je hehegegehgege.

Awkward first vlog

2010-11-27T22:54:00.000+08:00

Well actually I made this vlog like 2 months ago it's just that I didn't publish it right after because it was too awkward and I didn't really like how I sounded in the video which is like a mentally challenged chipmunk. Seriously. But then I saw Lee's first vlog in which she spoke english and I was thinking like hey, everybody has their first english speaking awkward vlog and seriously, who gets a perfect 10 the first time huh?

So I present to you fellow bloggers, my awkard first vlog. (and prolly my last HAHAHAHAH ok I haven't decided on that yet)

*thinks for another 30 minutes*

Ok seriously I don't know whether I should put this thing up because I am very very self-conscious of how I sound and how my eyes blink(wtf) in this video.

*spends another 30 minute rewatching video*

Oh god. I hope I'm doing the right thing by publicizing this awkward video. Although I don't really know how that's supposed to be the right thing to do, but whatever.

So okay here go ahead and be disgusted with me.

Just please don't deny that we once knew each other after seeing this. Sobs.

Debaran menanti saatnya tiba

2010-11-26T12:49:00.000+08:00

So, wow 12 more days to Gombak. I don't know why I'm so freaked out on this. Maybe because it's a whole new environment and stuff. Haha not like I've never been to Gombak before. Masa darjah 6 dengan form 3 dulu kalau ade seminar ke, PUI ke, semuelah kat Gombak. Kuliyyah law tu aku dah khatam dah la. Kedai makan katmane, toilet katmane, kiosk katmane tapi sayangnye yang aku khatam adalah Kuliyyah law dan bukan KIRKHS T_T

Mungkinkah selok belok semua kuliyyah di UIA sama sahaja? HAHAHA. Harapan. Isk. Harap-harap aku akan hafal selok belok dan lokasi kelas dengan secepat mungkin. Yang paling kena cepat hafal adalah lokasi-lokasi kiosk di serata UIA dan juga lokasi tandas in case terpaksa menghadapa hari-hari dimana tudung adalah haram dari keluar bilik sampai masuk bilik balik.

So anyways aku still tak rasa berapa bersedia untuk masuk Gombak ni. Walaupun aku tak berapa pasti akan apakah yang patut sediakan diri untuk, tetapi aku yakin aku perlu sediakan diri untuk at least, something. OH TAARUF WEEK. Ramai orang kata Taaruf Week adalah disaster week. Aku tak sempat lalui Taaruf Week dekat PJ masa matrik dulu sebab balik PLKN lambat so aku tak tahu nak expect apa. Tapi yang good newsnya Taaruf Week di Gombak ni adalah boleh pakai tudung sendiri. Yang bad newsnya pula tudung itu mestilah berwarna putih. WASAP LA UIA DENGAN TUDUNG PUTIH NI?

Untuk orang yang tidak berapa mengenali aku, aku benci tudung putih. Serious. Tahap kebencian aku terhadap tudung putih adalah sama dengan tahap kebencian aku bila orang ambek the last piece of ikan/ayam/daging yang aku desperately nak semasa makan di apa-apa restoren. Ya, begitu tinggi sekali kebencian aku terhadap tudung putih bukan? Sebab-sebab aku benci tudung putih adalah seperti berikut;

1. Aku adalah seorang pemaia tudung bawal dan kebanyakan tudung bawal putih adalah jarang jadi adalah perlu untuk memakai inner di dalam jika tidak akan menampakkan rambut dan tengkuk kamu. Jadi disebabkan saya bukan seorang yang suka memakai serkup (serious aku sangat tak suka pakai serkup) dan inner = serkup jadi sebenarnya adalah amat tidak suka juga bila memakai inner. Tapi adalah perlu redha atas dasar menutup aurat.

2. Kompleksi muka aku yang kurang cerah gemilang adalah menyebabkan kelihatan sedikit seperti tahi cicak apabila memakai tudung putih. Tambah-tambah bila berpeluh kronik dan muka berminyak serta kelihatan sangat jelek dan pula itu memakai tudung putih. Hodoh kuasa 30983622765428 dah pasti tiada orang yang mahu mengurat aku semasa Taaruf Week kerana terlalu hodoh SOBS SOBS. Ladiva, silalah mengubah nasibku!

Walaupun Aqilah adalah pernah mengatakan muka aku kelihatan seperti orang yang baik dan suci semasa memakai tudung putih tetapi tidak lut pujian itu kerana baik dan suci bukanlah bersamaan dengan cantik. SOBS PATLIMA KALI. Lagipun tudung putih sangat cepat terkena kotoran dan sangat sensitif dengan debu-debu berterbangang jadi bagaimanakah untuk maintain tudung bersih sepanjang Taaruf Week? Harapan adalah UIA tiba-tiba menjadi cool dan memberi izin kepada semua pelajar untuk memakai tudung warna bebas sepanjang taaruf week. Tradisi tudung putih dan baju batik buruk UIA patut dihapuskan kerana memalukan pelajar. UNIVERSITI LUAR NEGARA MANA ADA TUDUNG PUTIH BAJU PUTIH NI SEBALIKNYA ADA SWEATSHIRT YANG SANGAT COOL OK KENAPA UIA TAK ADA SWEATSHIRT COOL SEPERTI UNIVERSITI-UNIVERSITI DI LUAR NEGARA KENAPA?!

Lee, baca dan ingatlah ini. Bila kau dah berjaya terbang ke salah satu universiti di US nanti bawa pulanglah satu sweatshirt cool untuk aku T_T kejutan coklat reese 8462286438 paket juga adalah sangat dialukan♥

Tapi UIA agak bagus kamu ya, kerana membenarkan pelajar memakai tudung putih mereka sendiri be it tudung bawal, pashmina, selendang, syria, sarung etc etc. Kerana jika kamu lakukan seperti yang telak kamu lakukan di PJ dahulu yakni memberikan semua orang tudung putih kain susah nak bentuk bidang ENAMPULUH, nescaya akan kita saksikan revolusi tudung oleh pelajar-pelajar UIA. Salah satu sebab aku bersyukur kerana tidak mengikuti Taaruf Week si PJ adalah sebab tudung yang susah mahu dibentuk ini. Lagipun itu bidang ENAMPULUH?! Bukanlah mahu mengatakan bahawa aku amat benci dan berasa jelek kepada tudung bidang enampuluh kerana kamu tahu kan, aku di sekolah dahulu pun bertudung labuh ~~tetapi sayang kerana perangai macam haram walaupun bertudung labuh tapi takpa at least I had my fun~~ tetapi sayangnya, aku bukanlah jenis orang yang apabila keluar sekolah pun tetap dengan tudung labuhku sebaliknya aku lebih selesa bertudung bawal bidang empatpuluhlima ataupun bertudung sarung ringkas sahaja.

Oleh sebab yang damikian adalah agak kekok jika aku ditakdirkan untuk memakai tudung bidang enampuluh kerana gaya apakah yang mungkin aku kenakan bersama tudung itu? Gaya straight kebawah adalah a big no-non kerana tudung akan mencecah lutut dan akan kelihatan aneh, percayalah. Gaya rama-rama mungkin acceptable kerana tidak mencecah lutut dan biasa digayakan oleh produk-produk berjaya al-amin unlike diriku sendiri tetapi yang mungkin paling kena adalah gaya lilitan di atas kepala untuk membuat tudung itu appear kecil sedikit dari saiznya yang sebenar dan masih didalam konteks menutup aurat.

Jadi harapan saya untuk Taaruf Week di UIA ini adalah semoga mendapat baju batik yang cantik dan muat dan baju sukan yang tidak nampak palat bila dipakai dan yang paling penting adalah dapat memakai tudung putih kepunyaan sendiri!

Apa-apa tips-tips untuk taaruf week dari senior-senior saya yang sudah berada di Gombak amatlah dialukan ya.

Makan free

2010-11-24T17:09:00.000+08:00

Malam ni ada open house Oman dekat J W Marriot lagi. Sila berasa jeles. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

btw tahap malas nak update adalah sangat kronik. Nak tulis pun dah macam awkward. Berapa hari dah aku tak update, seminggu? Fuuhh. Nanti masuk gombak jadi rajin balik kot CEH. So okelah nak pergi kerobek almari cari baju apa nak pakai hikhik. Lin dengan Tyah pun ikut wtf semangat gila nak makan free kat hotel Lin siap cakap kat bos die yang die nak balik kerje awal harini HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH.

Ok nak siap, byeee.

Rants II

2010-11-15T16:34:00.000+08:00

I'm currently re-watching(what?) Boys Over Flowers again. Well, it's not like I've watched it a million times anyways, this is just the second time. And this is mostly because I haven't gotten my season 2 of Vampire Diaries from Lin's colleague (haha very random. But seriously that guy is like our movie and series supplier since we're too lazy to download all those stuffs ourselves) and the only interesting series I have in my laptop is Boys Over Flowers.

I've written a long synopsis on it here when I watched it for the first time. And seriously, these korean series always makes you come back for more. Their fantasy themed storyline is really engaging and makes you want to finish the series in one day flat. I just love how the storyline is highly illogical and it is very unlikely that all those things that happened to the heroine will happen to me.

I can turn the reasons of unlikeliness into a list.

- My father doesn't have a laundry shop and my mother does not work at the bath house. So how the hell can I go and send clean laundries at some posh school? Plus most posh schools have laundry services. Why would they send their laundry to my father's shop really? And it's not like I know how to write a bike so how else would I send the laundries? And like my father would let me go riding a bicycle to send clean laundries to posh schools. Getting his permission to go out is hard enough already.

-I don't know how to swim. So on what scholarship would they admit me into that posh school (if there is one in Malaysia) if I were to save a bullied student from jumping off a building? A writing scholarship? Meh. It's not like I'm THAT brilliant with my words. And if I'm not there on a swimming scholarship then how would the hero mess around with me? By sending viruses into my specifically-used-for-writing laptop? That is not romantic and nerdy. And the hero should be uber hot and romantic and not nerdy. He should mess around with me by dumping trash into my swimming and releasing ducks in the pool whenever I have my swimming practice. But I can't swim. So yeah.

-My parents aren't that relaxed and laid-back. Over their dead body would they ever let me go on a randomly planned trip overseas with a hot guy who is also heir to the most successful company in the country. Even if Lee were to tag along and end up being an item with the hot guy's also hot friend. Seriously, there is no way in the world my parents would do that. Even if the guy had said that he will take full responsibility for whatever might happen to me. No way, na'ah. My parents wouldn't even let me go on a date with him for that matter. Or let him spend the night in our house, in the same room as I am sleeping. So you can see how I simply cannot relate my life with Jan Di's.

- I have this I-don't-touch-non-mahram-guys policy. It's a principle I live by. Well, most of my friends do too anyways. And if this is my principle then how would the hot guy carry me in his arms when I nearly died of being bullied and nurse my wounds and hold my hands and kiss my forehead and hold me in his arms when I'm sad? HOW WOULD HE DO ALL THOSE IF I DON'T EVEN WANT HIM TOUCHING ME?!! Ok I'm not saying that I have to abandon this principle at all costs or I have made a bad choice by living by this principle but you get it right?

And the list goes on and on and on.

But despite the mountain of differences I have with the heroine, I find myself smiling throughout this whole series because however illogical and fantasy-themes it may be, I still like watching the story line being enacted and the how the plot unfolds because it's just nice seeing the hardships they go through for their love. It's just really cute and I like watching cute series and seeing myself in the heroin's actual spot. It's what most girls do when they watch this kind of series or read romantic novels. Trust me lol. So I've just finished watching the fourth episode. 21 more to go!

Bengang la aku tu

2010-11-09T15:21:00.000+08:00

Kalau 2.30, cakap 2.30. Kalau kau rasa kau belum siap lagi web tu, belum buat final checking, TAKPAYAHLA CAKAP 2.30 BANGANG. Kau tau tak system kau macam haram. Aku taktau ape pekerje kau buat. Seriously aku rasa diorang semue makan gaji bute. Pergi kerje tengok Glee ramai-ramai dekat laptop ye? Lepastu kerje satu ape tak jalan. Inilah yang dikatakan management system HARAMMMMM.

Seriously aku benci gile uia ni pune system. Cakap tak pernah serupa bikin. Tak pernah accurate. Tak profesional langsung. Bukan kau proclaim diri kau sebagain universiti bertaraf antarabangsa ke? Kenape standard macam lagi rendah dari third world country? And I'm not just pissed about this. There are other things too. Uia buat kerja lembab nak mampus. Kenapa hal yang simple pun kau kene bawak-bawak sampai almost a year untuk nak selesaikan? SEBAB KAU LEMBAB! LEMABB SERBA SERBI. HUH AKU PANTANG BETUL BENDA MACAMNI JADI. NAK PROCRASTINATE PUN BERAGAK LA.

Menyusahkan orang kau tau tak. Cuba letak diri kau dekat tempat kitorang. Kau suka tak kalau kitorang buat camtu? Tak kaaaaaaaaan? Kalau tak suka takyahla buat kat orang. Menyampah.

Rants

2010-11-07T14:09:00.000+08:00

Hi. I'm at my brother's house in Shah Alam. I've been here since yesterday because saja want to teman my kakak ipar because my brother will be in Sabah for two weeks starting last week because of work.

Wah banyaknya because.

So anyways there's not really anything much one can do around here. It's just like being home. Seriously. Putting aside the fact that mum and dad are not here and I can wake up at any time I want HAHAHAHA, it's just like being home. And Naqib's being really annoying. He would punch me and kick me randomly whenever he walks past me AND IT HURTS OK. I'm stick thin and he's chubby for a four year old. I think the bruises that randomly appear on my body once in a while is because of his punches. And maybe Nazif's constant tripping with me as the safety landing mat. Blergh, nephews.

So anyways that day I was having a conversation with Naqib about people being pissed and yelling at him. I told him people yelled because they love him (which is half-true. HAHAHAHA. Other times I just yell because I feel like yelling. Keji, I know) and then he asked, "Habis yang Aunty Kah selalu pegang Naqib kuat-kuat tu kenape?" and then I jokingly answered, "Oh tu sebab Aunty Kah nak tunjuk yang Aunty Kah sayang Naqib HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA." But his question actually strucked me deep in the heart.

See, I was frequently beaten by my mother when I was growing up. Mostly because of my really bad behavior. I've mentioned this before. So it's not possible that I take after my mother in this department. Naqib selalu tersentak bila aku menjerit. But then again he was being annoying or poking his big nose in places where he shouldn't be in the first place so I'm just doing my job as an aunt really. Hahaha. My patience with him is also ice-thin and I juts can't stand it when he's being an attention seeker. It's just so annoying. And it's not like I'm very good with fighting the urges to yell at him anyway. I think that's why he kind of hates me and is always randomly punching me. But whatever.

When I'm with Naqib my anger management really sucks. It's like I can't control my rage at all. Most of the time I just yell at him but when he does something that REALLY REALLY pisses me I would pinch him and sometimes squeeze his arms until he cries. Like what my mother used to do to me. But my mother was a lot more hard core of course. She used broomsticks and hangers and bulu ayams and her hand and her feet. Well, basically everything that's in sight. People would've called it child abuse. But it's just my mother's way of bringing us up and disciplining us. And I started to understand that when I got older.

I used to think that my mother doesn't love me whenever she beats me. I would always think that I was adopted and unwanted and my existence was just plainly uncalled for. And I would convince myself that I'm a worthless piece of shit. And the teasings I got at school doesn't help either. But as I grew older, I started to really understand the meaning of 'Mak pukul sebab mak sayang'. I used to always think that I was just an anger-venting tool to my mother. Nothing more. But then I got older and I started to think about what would happen if my mother hadn't do what she had done. What kind of human being would I be? What kinf of characteristics would I have? Would I still be me? Would I respect my parents just as much as I respect them now?

Regardless of how my mother had kind of treated me like a rag doll when I was younger, I had started to understand the purpose of that method of upbringing and I love her for what she has done.

So anyways, like they say ; Kalau sayang anak tangan-tangankan and kalau sayang kekasih tinggal-tinggalkan or something.

Seriously parents these day pamper their children like crazy I tell you. Kalau cikgu rotan siap pergi sekolah nak saman cikgu. Tu untuk the wellbeing of your children jugak. Kalau anak kau tak buat salah, cikgu takkan pukul punye. Takpayah nak manjakan sangat anak-anak kau tu. Nanti besar-besara tak reti nak be independent. Kau suka anak kau bergantung hidup kat kau sampai bila-bila? Unable to stand on their own two feet? Tapi takpayahlah sampai extreme sangat pegi dera anak kau hari-hari -_-

I think the escalation of the social problems these days is because some parents just couldn't be bothered. They don't care. They don't give a damn about what their children do under their own supervision. They've blinded themselves with what they want to see, not with whats is really happening in front of them. You have to realize the seriousness of the problems around you before you can take action. If you keep living in your own cocoon, how are you going to turn the wrongs into rights?

Raise your children right or they might just put you into a caretaking center for old people. And then you'll be regretting their upbringing but seriously, there wouldn't be anything you can do about it when the time comes. So yeah.

2010-11-07T01:06:00.000+08:00

It's been 4 years and I thought I've gotten over it. But clearly I haven't. Please don't acknowledge me. Please don't remember me. Please don't say hi. Please.. just don't be aware of my existence. I'm begging you. Stop coming out of nowhere. Stop bringing back all the memories. Stop it. Please just stop all of it. It may not mean anything to you. But it hurts when the memories of yesterday comes rushing in once again, surrounding my head with what we used to have. It hurts when I start to hope again. It hurts when I have finally convinced myself that I am over you, just to have that confidence stripped away from me the moment you said hello.

It's true when they say the first love is always the best love.

At least until you get a taste of something better than best. And you know what, I keep wondering if there is such thing as a love that is better from the best. But my wonders are often left unanswered. And I keep convincing myself again that yours was the best love I have ever had and probably the best I will ever get.

So please stop acknowledging me. I'm tired of getting hurt. As sick as I am being single, I don't want to go through the misery-filled days that I have once went through. 4 years is such a long time to get over somebody. I don't want to keep hoping and expecting that you'll come back. That you remembered what we used to be. That the feelings are still there for us to seize. I don't want all that anymore. I just want you to forget me. Forget that I ever existed. Forget that I was once, briefly, a part of your life. Forget everything. Is that too much to ask?

You see what mixed emotions can be triggered by just a 'Hi'? I'm a girl. This is what I do. I break. All the time. It may be because of you or because of something else. But I would honestly rather if it was because of something else. Please don't let it be you. I don't want you to be the reason anymore. You've had your time. You've made me miserable. You've reduced my feelings to shit. You've broken me. Now please don't do it all over again.

Epic

2010-11-05T14:32:00.000+08:00

Have you ever heard of Ben Bradshaw? If you haven't, then click here.

But if you're a lazy mofo and you don't like waiting for seemingly uninteresting (although this one is as interesting as hell) videos to load, this is Ben.

Lee specifically told me to put this one up HAHAHAHAHA.

Why?

Because Ben looks hot in it DUH. And prolly because girls usually have this thing for muscular arms. Or is it just me. What? It's sort of sexy okay. And there's nothing wrong with liking sexy, muscular arms. It's what women do. Meh.

So anyways Ben is this 23 year old hot very bloody hot handsome achingly good looking caucasian WHO SPEAKS FLUENT MALAY. Yes, you heard that right. He's hot, he's caucasian AND he speaks malay. I mean, HOW MUCH MORE PERFECT CAN A PERSON GET RIGHT? This guy, is like the epitome of the perfect guy. For a malay girl because he's hot, caucasian and speaks malay or course.

So Lee posted that video of him speaking malay on her wall and then I watched it and feel deeply in love with Ben as well because his malay is seriously good and because he's a hot caucasian. Well, it's mostly because he's a hot caucasian. The speaking malay part is just a bonus really. But the point is, HE IS HOT.

So then we liked his fanpage and added him on facebook (search Ben Bradshaw if you would like to add him as well BECAUSE HE IS JUST SO UBER HOT HOW CAN ANY GIRL RESIST ADDING HIM AAARRRGGGHHHH) and then he approved hence the start of our epic conversation with him with the occasional slips from strangers ~~who are just jealous because Ben actually commented on our comments HAHAAHAHAHHAAHHAHAHAHAHA ok I need to stop being a bitch~~ because maybe our conversatio was just too epic for their eyes. Whatever that's supposed to mean.

So I being myself and Lee being herself, decided that I should print screen it and show it to the world because ~~BEN FRICKING COMMUNICATED WITH US OHMYGOD~~ it's such an epic convo.

So here,

Ok please ignore what music I was listening to I was just feeling very nostalgic ._.

So in conclusion Ben is a very down-to-earth dude although his videos are rapidly circulating the net as we speak and he's sort of famous that's why having a convo with him is a big deal HEHEHEHEHEHHAHA. But seriously, very nice guy weh. AND OMG HE WANTS TO MEET ME AND LEE OMG OMG OMG *hyperventilates and dies*

We ♥ Ben.

Tasik Berissss

2010-11-01T18:01:00.000+08:00

Pada hari Jumaat yang lepas, saya bersama Mak dan Ayah telag pergi bercuti ke Kedah (I thought we were going to Penang ._.) kerana ayah mahu berjumpa dengan rakan-rakannya sewaktu zaman bujang dahulu dan oleh kerana Ayah adalah orang Pulau Pinang, maka logiklah jika dikatakan kebanyakan kawan-kawannya berketempatan(?) di sekitara Kedah dan Pulau Pinang.

Sekarang baru aku ingat kenapa aku benci buat karangan BM.

So anyways, we went to this really secluded place where that uncle's house is located. That place is called Sik wtf. Really, there are so many weirdly called places in Keday. Sik, Beris, Nami, Weng, Gurun. Adakah orang Kedah terdahulu terlalu malas untuk menamakan tempat-tempat disini? Hmm. So then we went to his house and had lunch there. TANAH RUMAH DIA BESAR GILA WO. Macam boleh buat mansion dalam cerita-cerita Mexico yang kerap ditayangkan di TV3 dulu-dulu. Tapi sekarang dok sibok tayang cite Indon. Hoh.

Lepastu rumah die macam macam di tengah-tengah hutan. HOHOHO. Ok exaggerate sikit. Takdalah hutan mana pun. Tapi macam kampung dalam erti kata sebenar la. Belakang rumah dia ada satu bukit yang dinamakan Bukit Enggang sebab ada banyak burung enggang. Figures. Tapi best gile uncle ni macam takpayah pergi market sebab kawasan rumah die mega luas so he plants whatever vegetable he wants and he also has this little pond tempat die bela ikan sungai and then the best part is he has this chicken coop with so many species(?) of chicken omg.

Ada ayam belanda, ayam selasih (yang ni cantik gila bulu die like dot dot hitam putih and then bentuk die macam burung Emu tapi kecik sikit), ayam gajah (OMG AYAM NI HAHAHAHA. It's like ayam biasa tapi 3x bigger. BESAR GILA WEI), and ayam peru? Abendatah ayam peru tu aku pun taktau masa tengok tempat ayam tu die kate ayam peru menyorok hohohohoh. Ayam belanda die cam besar gile sketlagi jadi lembu.

And theeeennn, lepas round-round rumah die die bawak pergi tempat penginapan kitorang dekat Beris. Well actually dekat Tasik Beris. Macam Tasik Kenyir sikit tempat ni tapi macam tak ramai orang tau I think so very cantik serta tidak tercemar. Activities pun tak banyak sangat sebab tak commercialized kan tempat ni. River cruise semue tu takdela. Hoho. TAPI SERIOUS AH CANTIK GILAAAA. This is only place that I took pictures of sebab sangat cantik lalu telah paksa Mak untuk ambilkan gambar (walaupun angle gambar yang diambil oleh Mak adalah sangat keji T_T)

Sila tengok gambar dari bawah keatas kerana upload adalah jadi pelik lalu gambar bermula dari bawah.

Emak yang sungguh gembira sekali dengan pemandangan tasik.

Muka keji setelah duduk 5 jam dalam kereta lalu malas nak pakai tudung dengan elok kerana bila tidur dalam kereta dan bangun maka tudung adalah berupa sangat haram.

Nun jauh disana kelihatan kawasan menternak ikan tilapia (talapia?) merah. Banyak sungguh ikan-ikan disitu. Jambatan kesana pula bergoyang-goyang dengan rakus sekali.

Emak berposing di tangga turun ke jeti tasik.

Emak saya dan anak bongsu emak saya yang bermuka keji. Emak adalah tidak puas hati kerana Ayah belum kemari melihat tasik yang indah lagi permai lagi.

Ayah akhirnya turun dengan penuh gaya. Tepi itu adalah rumah penginapan kami yang agak best. Bersih pula itu.

Suruh emak tolong ambil gambar konon-konon menikmati pemandangan tapi tak berapa jadi ._.

Emak menikmati pemandangan daripada jeti kecil di tepi tasik.

Disebabkan angle gambar yang emak ambil adalah keji, maka saya nekad mengambil gambar sendiri di tepi tasik dengan angin kuat tidak berapa sepoi bahasa.

Emak saya berposing di jeti kecil berlatarbelakangkan ayah saya dan rakan-rakan.

Emak saya berposing di pondok kecil sebelah tasik.

Gambar hidung emak saya.

Pemandangan tasik pada waktu pagi keesokan harinya. KABUS GILA MACAM CAMERON HIGHLAND EURFGUEKWGWKEYIKRTGIRGFILGYRT

Background die cantik gileee. Kalau bawak kemere kan bes ._.

Macam Cameron Highland punya jalan kaaann. Minus the tasik. Hahaha.

Ayah secara random memakai kopiah di dalam kereta.

Jalan nak pegi Tasik Beris. Macam Cameron Highland sikit pun ada.

Cuaca pagi di Tasik Beris. Sungguh sejuk sehingga awan pun turun ke bawah(?)

Goodbye Tasik Beris.

Jadi kesimpulannya tempat ini adalah sangat best sila pergi berkelah ke sini.

They should've just stopped at 1

2010-10-28T19:24:00.000+08:00

I just finished watching the Titanic II. I don't know if it's out in the cinemas yet or is already out (I don't go to the cinema that often lol) but let me tell you something about this movie. IT SUCKS. Every crappy angle, every crappy scene, every crappy actors SUCK.

Let me give you a brief review of what this movie was all about.

It started off with this weird surfer guy paddling his way to the middle of the ocean in the south pole or something. Yes, there were ice bergs all around him and do you know what he was doing all along with his surfing board in the middle of the freezing ocean? HE WAS WAITING FOR THE ICE BERGS TO FALL DOWN OR WHATEVER AND CREATE A BIG MOFOING WAVE SO THAT HE CAN SURF! WTF WTF WTF WTF WTF.

Whatever happened to surfing in Hawaii? Iceberg surfing? Reall? Blergh.

So then while he was waiting for the second iceberg to fall he noticed that something was amiss because I ~~I didn't want to remember why because the movie was so lame~~ forgot what and suddenly a lot of ice berg (or were they called glacier? I don't know I got B for my Geography ._.) starts falling at the same time and he was freaked out because there was this gigantic huge tsunami wave coming at him so he started to paddle back but he drowned I think. Not that it matters because he wasn't hot anyway. Hahaha.

The next scene showed that someone had alerted the US coast guard who's really just this old guy and he went on a helicopter to see the glacier stuff with another guy called Snide. Or something. And when he arrived, there was a researcher (I didn't really remembered the characters name BECAUSE THE MOVIE WAS SO NOT WORTH REMEMBERING) who is a young women and the woman told him something about the thinning of the glacier and how it's gonna collapse in no time LIKE WTF IF THE GLACIER IS GONNA COLLAPSE THEN WHY ARE YOU STILL FREAKING STANDING ON IT? I don't get this movie. Seriously. So then the most predictable thing happened which is the glacier starts to crack here and there and they were both running to the helicopter and the women slipped and the old guy helped her back up yada yada yada and then they were saved TADAAA. Meh.

Meanwhile, there was this ship called the Titanic II which is about to make it's first sail or something. It looks like the sunk Titanic I think and people were waving at each other and here comes the heroin! She's a nurse on board with her friend. And then before going on that ship her father (the old man) called her and told her how he doesn't want her to go that ship because of safety concerns or whatever. But OF COURSE she said everything is gonna be ok and he shouldn't be worrying. After that she boarded the ship and on the way she met her ex who is apparently the one who made the ship (he's some multimillionaire I think) and they exchanged awkward hi's and I din't remember what happened after that.

You know the really annoying part is that whenever the camera shows the ship as a whole, I mean from a fling bird's angle or something the ship LOOKED SO FAKE. IT'S TEXTURE, IT'S MOVEMENT, THE OCEAN AND EVEN THE MOON! Everything looked like it was like cartoonized which is really unprofessional. Take it from me, comparing this movie to the original Titanic would be like comparing Twilight to Harry Potter. It's impossible because one is just so friggin awesome and the other is completely and utterly rubbish.

So then the old guy has the HQ of the coast guard alert every single ship there is on the atlantic ocean about the upcoming mega tsunami thing and naturally the people in the Titanic II would freak out and tell everybody to go to the lower deck so that they can board the life boat. The only thing awesome about this movie is it's life boat. It looks like a frickin submarine! Cool, I know. And the way it was released will make you go like, "Woah cool."

But that's it. Even the splashing of the water when the boat is released looks fake -_-

IS THERE ANYTHING REAL IN THIS MOVIE? URRRGGHHHH.

So because the captain of the shop made an announcement and told everybody to get a life jacket and this is not a drill, everybody started freaking out (like REALLY REALLY freaking out wtf. Ok I know it's natural to freak out but just run la. What the hell are you screaming your lungs out for?) and they started running and bumping into each other and every three seconds the camera would focus on people tripping and falling for no reason -_- Ok they WERE going up the stairs but there weren't many people on that stairs ok it's impossible to trip down just like that! And their tripping looks fake, as everything else is in this movie. Bleh.

So then everybody got on the lifeboat and then the nurse wanted to go and get her friend who's in the infirmary because she MAY BE injured! Oh, how surprising -___- And then came her ex (the owner of the stupid boat) and he told her to get on the safety boat but she said she wanted to look for her friend and OF COURSE he went to look with her and when they found her she was injured and trapped under some big machine and they taped a credit card to her neck to put pressure on the wound. WHAT THE HELL. So then the three of them tried to find their way out and because the door to the stairs are locked(?) they had to take the elevator(??). Ok this has crossed the line. How can doors to STAIRS be locked in an emergency and EVERYBODY knows you shouldn't go on elevators if there's a blast ok. It's fricking common sense people.

Oh and remember in Titanic 1 when the captain of the ship stayed back and drowned or something? That really looked noble because.. I don't know, everything just looks right in the original movie ok. So anyways the director decided that the captain in this movie must die a noble death too, hence the big blast that killed him. So not noble -_-

Back to the storyline, so then the three of them took the elevator and when that blast happened they were stuck. But then the guy took the axe from the emergency box on the elevator and hacked the upper part of the elevator and the three of them went out and climbed some stairs. CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT THE GUY SLIPPED THE AXE ON HIS BACK LIKE IT WAS A SAMURAI SWORD OR SOMETHING? I mean, talking about safety precautions. What if he slipped and fell flat on his back? Wouldn't he be really injured with a FRIGGIN AXE on his back? God, the people who made this movie had zero common sense I tell ya.

So then the came across this door but it was like half jammed or something so the guy tried to open it with his axe but it's really hard to do and he told the nurse to quickly try and get through it and the nurse was stuck halfway because there wasn't that much space and she couldn't fully go through the door and the axe is like breaking into two and the the nurse's friend HAD TO ACCIDENTALLY launch herself between the doors so she died when the axe broke into two an the guy was able to get through the door because her body was like stuck between the closing door or whatever. So cliche right THEY HAD TO KILL THE WOUNDED ONE bleh.

And then the movie got so boring that I wasn't even bothered to remember what happened. Yada yada yada and they reached the diving facility room and then they opened the locker and GUESS WHAT? THERE WAS ONLY ONE DIVING EQUIPMENT OHMYGOD THIS IS A BIG TURN OF EVENTS! WHAT IS THE HERO GONNA DO? WILL HE DROWN HEROICALLY?

BLEH BLEH BLEH BLEH BLEEEERRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHH.

So being the hero he gave the girl the diving equipment because the boat is sinking and they'll be submerged in water. And then the water started rising and the FINALLY DROWNED! But it's kind of sad that the girl had to watch the guy drown. Sobs. But whatever.

Meanwhile, the old guy didn;t realize he was an OLD GUY so he put on diving equipments and jumped into the ocean to look for his daughter, the nurse because he was the one who told her to go to the diving equipment room and stuff and not into the safety boats because he said they were some sort of death trap? Beats me. And then he MIRACULOUSLY FOUND HER putting aside the fact the the ship was so damn big. HOW AWESOME! And then he got his daughter out of the locker and they swam to the surface, bringing dead rich guy with them. So on a safety raft the nurse tried to revive dead guy but DUUHH he was dead. During this scene I swore that if they dead guy comes back to life I AM GONNA THROW MY LAPTOP OUT OF THE FRICKIN WINDOW!

And The End.

Wtf right. Seriously, don't watch this movie -_- Titanic was WAYYYYYYYYYYYYYY more awesome than this piece of trash. And it's not like I have very high standards. Bleh/

Of dorms and dormmates.

2010-10-27T16:03:00.000+08:00

You know what's the best thing about staying in a dorm with another 20 people?

EVERY NIGHT IS LIKE A SLUMBER PARTEEEYYYYYYY!

God I miss my dormmates. I miss how we used eat together, showered together (but in different cubicles), watched movies together and screamed together, played silly games together, check out people on facebook together, order Mcdonalds together. Doing everything together basically. It was like having 20 awesome sisters! PJ didn't have dorms. They had little itty bitty rooms. 4 people to 1 room. And it gets kind of boring because the room is really small and you don't get much space to yourself. Unless you're on your own bed. Even the study table is actually to small for 2 people to share. So usually when my roomate used the table I would just study on my bed. And sleep 3 seconds later. Really, don't study on your bed ._.

But of course, because I have really really nice roomates we took turns using the study table. I miss my roomates ._. When I got transferred to Nilai she gave me the little teddy bear that she used to hang on her bag because she couldn't find time to go out and but something for me :') I actually like hand-me-down gifts better than bought ones ( although if you WANT to buy it, I don't really mind :B) because it's like an honor to receive a gift that was someone's favourite..thing, you know? It's like that person trusted you enough to take good care of their belongings. I like that feeling :)

So anyways, from what I heard there won't be any dormitories in Gombak. Sigh. I would've loved being in the same dorm as my dormmates again. It's back to PJ in gombak. A room with 4 people. But the best part is you got a lot of space to yourself. Unlike the small crummy rooms at PJ. Blergh.

I hope we don't drift apart guys. Remember the awesome sisterhood bond that we shared. Remember how happy we were being around each other. Remember the moments we spent together. Remember us :')

Sasa, Qilah, Mee, Fey, Hana, Darina, Sha, Naz, Nazoo, Tira, Qis. See you guys in Gombak! ♥

Because I feel like writing. I JUST DO OKAY HEESSHH

2010-10-23T00:11:00.000+08:00

Adakah anda tahu apa itu rindu? Rindu adalah bila anda sen-

Hmm aku pun taktahu nak define rindu sebenarnya. Apahaltah tetiba nak define rindu.

So anyways I jailbreak-ed my own iTouch today using greenpois0n (it's really spelled like that ok) RC4 because apparently, that's the only jailbreaking tool that works on my device which is an iPod Touch 2G MB model firmware 4.1 . Seriously, if you've been scouting around the net for a jailbreaking device, the greenpois0n is a keeper. Although you might have to try it a few times before it actually gets through.

The first time I tried it crashed halfway and my iTouch won't turn on. Even iTunes won't detect it. Boy, was I creeped ._. But then I gave it another go (I had to put in on DFU mode like twice -_-) and tadaaa! Your device is now jailbroken. You can now go have fun downloading Mega Man.

HELL YESSSSS I FOUND MEGA MAN IN INSTALLOUS IS THAT NOT UBER COOL? I am so downloading it. Like c'mon guys it's megaman for god sake! I grew up dashing megaman around monsters on my gigantic monitor. Well, it was the family's computer really. No, make that my siblings lol. I don't remember my parents buying us a computer. The first computer was bought my my brother if I'm not mistaken. The only techy gadgets our parents bought us were our handphones. Really ._. Oh and maybe my sister's laptop when they started university. You get the point.

I remembered when Jat got his first game console. He must have been about 16 or 17. He got straight A's for his PMR hence the game console reward. And I remembered playing Street Fighter on it lol. I would always choose that guy with the expandable legs and arms and he would spit on the enemy :P Jat was always with Ryu and Lin was always with Ken. I can't recall Meme playing. Maybe she was too busy buried in her books hahaha. Tiyah, Chun Li? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Ok I really can't recall ._.

And when I was 12 Jat used his first salary or something to buy the PS1. and after that he and Lin shared their salary (-.-) to buy the PS2. Oh and I remembered beating my brother 12-2 when he challenged me to a game on, uh, was it Pro Evolution Soccer? God, I was so awesome then. But the next day he challenged me again and I lost 20-something I think ._. He said he went to the office and spent his day thinking of strategies on how he could beat me. wtf.

But hey, that's what brothers do -_-

So then they eventually got tired of the PS2 and Lin sold it and used some of her own money to buy the Xbox 360. And there it is still in the room, doing a pretty good job at being a dust collector. Really. Nobody plays it anymore because Lin's busy working, Meme's always in Penang (like she would even touch the thing if she was home lol), Me and Tyah rarely come home and Jat has his own family to attend to. Although he does play some random soccer game on it from time to time. So he's the only one who's using it ._.

All in all, I really think Lin should sell her Xbox and get herself a brand new iPhone 4. LULZ.

Because I just feel like filling this post with pictures.

2010-10-22T18:43:00.000+08:00

This will be a post with pictures but no captions.

K bye.

Hmm

2010-10-21T12:32:00.000+08:00

Apakah maksudnya jika kita asyik termimpikan the same guy over and over again? Dan mimpi ni bukanlah sesuatu yang menyumbang kepada peningkatan syahwat ok. Mimpi biasa, and then BAM! the same guy appears again. I've been dreaming of him for quite a few nights now that I'm starting to wonder if it means something. I know mimpi boleh jadi mainan syaitan, tapi just wondering if anybody knows if there is something else. Just wondering!

Pulau Pinang Pulau Mutiara(?)

2010-10-19T00:16:00.000+08:00

I'm going to Penang tomorrow. Well I'm going to Ipoh first really. My Andak broke her wrist semasa sedang menggalah(?) some buah in front of her house. And then tersepak batu and then jatuh and she sprained her wrist. On her dialysis hand. Poor Andak ._.

And since we're going to Ipoh and Penang is just like two hours away I practically begged Mak to make a stop at Penang BECAUSE I HAVEN'T BEEN THERE IN GODKNOWSHOWMANY YEARS AND I FREAKING MISS IT. I really miss my Penang kampung. Sigh. And the good food. And Monkey Beach oh God our whole extended family used to go there for an annual picnic every year. It's a secluded beach off the coast of Penang. No resorts, no anything. Just a nice unpolluted beach an a few monkeys. I loved that beach T_T

I miss the Ayer Itam house. Sebelah rumah makcik Ramlah yang garang gila HAHA AKU INGAT LAGI MAKCIK RUMAH SEBELAH TU. Dahlah anak-anak die suke cari gaduh dengan kitorang. Blek. Aku ingat this one time masatu Mak dengan Ayah pergi US dan kitorang 5 beradik telah ditinggalkan di rumah nenek aku di Ayer Itam (tragis gila) and then satu petang tu kitorang tengah main dengan anak makcik Ramlah ni la kot. Tetiba Tiyah gaduh dengan anak die and disebabkan Tiyah adelah seorang yang emo maka Tiyah telah menendang budak itu HAHA. Tapi lepastu ade anak die sorang pegi report kot. Pastu makcik Ramlah ni datang lalu tendang kakak aku herself HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH BRUTAL GILA WO MAKCIK RAMLAH!

Lepastu Tiyah pun masuk rumah meraung ah kan -_-

Lepastu rumah Ayer Itam ni macam terpencil gila jauh kedalam ulu banat mana tah kene lalu jalan sempit yang satu kerete je boleh lalu lepastu rumah ni selang satu rumah (iaitu rumah makcik Ramlah) ada kubur lama kot ._. Scary gila. Tapi laman die macam lapang gilee nak melanun memang best ah rumah ni. Tambah-tambah kalau semua cousins aku ada kan. Perghh memang meriah gila. Mercun sana mercun sini pop-pop sana pop-pop sini lari bersepah lah main kejar-kejar panjat pokok rendang kat depan tu main masak-masak guna tanah semua aku dah buat.

Ok wtf main masak-masak guna tanah.

Tapi betul. Haha.

Lepastu dekat simpang kecik nak masuk rumah ni ada satu kedai makan cina ni. Oldies gila interior kedai makan tu. And that's the nearest kedai makan and it sells gula-gula toooo. So kitorang usually kalau dapat duit raya memang wajib ah pegi bel gula-gula kat situ. Tapi disebabkan aku masih kecik time tu maka selalulah Lin atau Jat yang temankan -.- And ada satu gula-gula ni memang favourite kitorang ah. Name gule-gule tu TAIK HIDUNG CINA.

HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Ok seriously aku taktau origin name taik hidung cine tu. Tapi sedap gile gule-gule tu rase cam asam-asam sikit. I wonder what the real taik hidung cina tastes like HOHOHOHO. Ok I did not just wonder that.

Ceh nak cerita esok pegi Penang terpanjang le pulok. I guess I just miss being a kid again :|

Book review : Aku Terima Nikahya

2010-10-18T14:54:00.000+08:00

Mann, I have been obsessing about this book haven't I ._.

Well to start it off with, the content of the book differed from my early expectations of it. But in a very good way. It changed my perception on quite a few things things, not just the love part.

The book started with the Ustaz telling us how he met his wife and everything. It was really simple. He was of age and wanted to get married so he asked his married friend to find him a wife. And they did. And he agreed ._. I wish I could be like that you know. It's just like you're tawakkal-ing to Allah about who He has destined the love of your life to be. As long as she loves Allah as much as you do then you're all set to go. And the first time he saw his wife's face is during the bertunang ceremony. Wow.

So then it was decided that their engagement period was to be 2 years. And they went to Ireland (yeah both of them were studying in Ireland at that time or something) to continue with their own lives. His wife was studying to become a doctor and he was working as an Iman at a masjid I think. He's also really active in giving talks and stuffs. Although they were both in Ireland, but they weren't in the same place. To get from his place to hers would require him to embark on an 8 hour journey by train. Pheww.

What he wrote about this engagement part was very interesting. He made clear of how you should treat your fiancee and how you should communicate with her. Most people think that being engaged is like a ticket to do things that you're forbidden to do with your fiancee (or any ajnabi for that matter) like holding hands etc etc. because after all, you're only one teeny step way from marriage. But really, don't do that. Being engaged doesn't mean you can go berjoli with your fiance. You're still not married ok. Bear that in mind.

Oh but you are allowed to communicate with your fiancee. Like duhh, how else would you discuss marriage plans? Calls and messages are allowed. But do not go overboard. You know the limit. Stop when things start to feel funny. Ok I know she's gonna be your wife and everything BUT YOU'RE STILL NOT MARRIED TO HER YET. So jaga batas, ok. He even wrote about about some guy asking him, "Ustaz, berapa kali saya boleh call tunang saya?" LOOOOOOOOOOOOOL.

Ok sebenarnya aku pun tertanya-tanya jugak pasal benda ni ._. Hihi.

So the Ustaz laughed and said something like, "Do you really think ada hadith or ayat Quran yang mention how many times you can call your fiance?" Then he said about knowing your limit and when to end the call. You can call just to ask her how she's doing. I mean, she's your fiance right f course you would wanna know how she's doing. Or if you wanna talk about wedding preparations and such. Tapi toksahle begayot 4,5,6 jam tengah-tengah malam. Tu bukan berbincang namenye -_-

And then he wrote about how his wife got pregnant during her housemanship period and how her colleagues told her that she's crazy because she's pregnant and stuffs. And during this time, although they were already married but they weren't living in the same place. The ustaz had to work someplace else and his wife was doing housemanship in some other place. Kesian gila ._.

So then their first child was born and then the second shild and then the third child. And from this point onwards he discussed about how hard it is being parents. How you're always busy with your work. How you're not always there for your children when they need you the most. There was one topic where he wrote about how we can't separate children from cartoon. Like Barney. Barney is a big, huggable, warmth and loving dinosaur. And our children (our children wtf) loves Barney because he radiates love in all his actions. But most parents are always trying to separate their children from these kind of shows because they don't want their children to end up being delusional about Barney or something when Barney was really just a substitute for them when their parents were out working.

Barney radiates love. But what do their parents radiate? They don't spend enough time with their children until at one point their children have to depend on Barney for artificial love. And suddenly they come and take this artificial love away without giving any real love in return.

That part moved me deeply ._.

And the there was another topic about how we shouldn't raise our voice to our children (this is beginning to sound really weird). Children see their parents as their heros, their role models. So they would always want to copy what their parents do. Notice how abused children grow up being abusers, or worse, murderers? Yeah. He also said that we shouldn't scold our children because they'll grow and being pemarah. Now I know why Naqib always screams at us. Maybe we screamed at him too much while he was developing his character. Sigh.

You have to reason with children. Don;t just simply scold them and shove them away. You have to tell them nicely why they can't do this and that. Tell them. Children actually like to be treated like adults. So treat them like adults. Don;t patronize them too much. When they ask, you answer. Maybe by encouraging them to ask a lot of question while they were in pre-school would do a lot of good to them once they enter the real school.

Besides a big part on how to cope with children, he also wrote about men and women. If I was not mistaken, Al-Ghazali once said about how men have nine akal and one nafsu and how women have nine nafsu and one akal. There is actually an implicit meaning about that saying. It basically mean that men are more to logic and women are more to emotions. That's why men just don't get women. A woman would be all screaming if she found out that she has put on a couple of pounds because in her head, she might be thinking about what her friends would say when they see her, will she fit into the skinniest of her jeans and how dreadful it would be to give up muffins and ice cream so that she could diet. But men just don't think as much. When they see that they've put on a couple of pounds all they think about is, "Well, we'll all have pot bellies one day. So what the heck." Their minds are concentrated on logic, so there.

At least I think so because I'm not really a man so I don't really know how a man thinks ._.

And then there a part on how some people use their inability to hold on much longer without having sex as a reason to get married. Marriage is not all about sex. Yes, sorry I'm being to honest here but that's the reality. Some people just wanna get married so that they could have sex and it wouldn't be fornication because HEY, I'M MARRIED!

But really guys, if you couldn't even handle the pressure of having sex, how would you handle the bigger things that are yet to come once you get married? The challenges you'll face that makes you know that marriage isn't a big bed of roses. Even roses have their thorns. So what makes you think getting married is a good option?

The prophet said, kalau tak tahan dan tak mampu berkahwin, PUASA. Bukan pergi Chow Kit. Ish.

Then at the end of the book he emphasized about how difficult marriage actually is, but how easy it could be if the husband and wife is committed to their family as father and mother and to their selves as husband and wife. Every marriage will have it's own issues and stuff, you just gotta work it out as a family. Or so he said lol.

So yeah, it was a really good book. Not what I expected, but in a good way. But seriously, you should read it kalau gatal sangat nak kahwin, like me. Hihihi.

P/s: This isn't really a book review isn't it ._. it's more a combination of the content of the book and my opinion on the book. But whatever.

Herro

2010-10-17T12:13:00.000+08:00

So I was reading 'Aku Terima Nikahnya' in bed just now when Mak suddenly came in to ask me something. Then she saw what book I was reading and we had a little conversation.

Mak: Ceit. Bace buku aku terime nikahnye la tu. Gatai. *smirks*

Me: Bestlaaaa buku niii. Bukan pasai kawen semate-mate. *giggles*

Mak: (In a no-nonsense tone) Hang blajaq dulu, dapat degree, pi overseas buat master.

Me: Huuuuuuuuuuuuuu lamanyaaaaaaa (T_T)

Mak: Ye lah. Enjoy la dulu hidop hang sementara muda ni. Nant dah kawen terikat dengan suami, anak. Nanti takboleh nak buat apa. Tengok (insert somebody-who-is-tied-down-with-a-family's name). Boring betui hidop die. Nanti hampa tiga orang (Me, Tyah and Lin. Meme isn't included for private reasons lol) kerja, kumpoi duit lepehtu beli ticket plane pi holiday. Enjoy your youth.

So dari perbualan ini satu-satunya benda yang aku dapat simpulkan adalah apabila aku sudah bekerja nanti, Lin masih belum berkahwin.

HAHAAGAHGAHGAHGAAGAHGAHGAHAGHAGAHGAHGAGAHAGHAGAHGAHGAHAG!!!

Aku Terima Nikahya

2010-10-16T18:51:00.000+08:00

I went to OU today after picking Tiyah up from LRT Taman Bahagia. Pemalas nak naik KTM, ceit -_-

So then we had lunch at Carls Junior and because Lin was being retarded she ordered two Chilli Cheese Fries. I MEAN TWO CHILLY CHEESE FRIES LIKE WHAT? DAHLAH BURGERS KAT SITU BESA GEDABAK MACAM HAPE AND THEN BELI DUE PULAK CHILLI CHEESE FRIES?

And because both of them claimed that I ate only a bit of the first box they forced me to bring home the second one and finish it.

Really.

I TOLD YOU TO BUY ONLY ONE BUT YOUUUU AND YOUR EVER EXPANDING STOMACH WANTED TO BUY TWO. And I'm the one stuck finishing it -_-

But whatever ._.

So then we went to MPH because we're champions at wasting our time and I bought Aku Terima Nikahnya LIKE OH EM JI I HAVE BEEN DYING TO READ THIS BOOK EVER SINCE I HEARD ABOUT IT. I hope it's not overrated like some books ._.

And after that we randomly went to hear a personal talk on breast cancer by this really nice middle aged caucasian women and we got ourselves a pink ribbon (I love these pink ribbons!) and a bookmark and a pamphlet each.

So that was it. I don't really know why I wrote this post o_o

This is my 500th post :D

2010-10-16T12:57:00.000+08:00

You know the kind of people who appear all happy and bouncy in bubbly in facebook but when you meet them in real life they're just really shy and quiet and awkward.

I'm one of them.

Well, this only applies to people I've never met before lah. Around my friends I'll be my usual bubbly bouncy self. If you see me being retarded and stupid with my friends in facebook, then there's a big possibility that I really am retarded and stupid in real life. Really, you should ask Luqman. He would know lol.

This is how it is because I just feel like it's easier to convey my messages in black and white rather than say it out loud. Which is why I write better than I speak. I just feel more comfortable doing do because there wouldn't be any awkward silences, or misuse of words or awkward twitching or any uncomfortable feeling while speaking. And whoever says that written messages can't have tones should be shot and buried in a shallow grave. You actually can 'write' tones.

For example, if you want to wish somebody good luck.

"Dude, goodluck for your exam tomorrow! :) "

See? This message carries the meaning that you are wishing your friend well and you have no hidden agenda behind the wish. The smiley there also emphasizes your point of well wishing. Whatever that's supposed to mean.

But you have to be careful of how you use your smiley. Different smileys carry different meanings.

E.g : "Dude, goodluck for your exam tomorrow! >=[ "

I honestly don't know how to interpret that message.

"Dude, goodluck for your exam tomorrow! :D"

This message is similar to the first one.

"Dude goodluck for your exam tomorrow! XD"

This can mean two things. Whether you're just merely wishing your friend good luck. Or you're just really happy that he/she is having his/her's exam tomorrow (although that doesn't really make any sense).

So yes, be careful in using your smileys. You never know what meaning they could carry(?)

Khatulistiwa cleaning

2010-10-15T17:57:00.000+08:00

Queer title? Blame Lee. Hahahahaha. So yesterday I posted a status on my facebook about how I'm going to do some spring cleaning because my wardrobe is a mess. I used spring cleaning just because it sounds awesome and very american HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA. Bute then Lee commented, "I think it's just 'cleaning'." or something so then I googled spring cleaning and it actually means house cleaning done during spring. And it's not like we have spring here in Malaysia so I easily came up with khatulistiwa cleaning because it sounds weird and is true at the same time.

But whatever.

So I came back from Nilai for my two months holiday like 3 weeks ago and I 'just happened' to notice how much of a mess my wardrobe is. (Kalau tak cuti panjang HAROMM nak notice sebab malas nak kemas hagahgahagahgag) Well, I'm not really the messy kind of person. I can be a, uh, crazy cleaner(?) sometimes but most of the times I just feel too lazy to fold my shirts or pants or whatever nicely so I ended up squishing them at the back of the wardrobe. Keji, I know :|

But hey, I'm 19 ok. That's what 19 year olds do. I think.

So yesterday night I decided to clean up my wardrobe and get rid of the clothes that I don't think I'll be wearing anymore. Like oversized dresses that look awkward on me, jeans that don't fit me no matter how hard I try to get into them or just everyday shirts that are too ugly to be worn.

So here is how my wardrobe looks like before the decluttering,

Please do excuse the level of messiness. Now you see why I'm planning on cleaning it ._.

Baju-baju yag hanya dipakai pergi kenduri. Beria betul.

SEJAK BILA BAJU-BAJU AKU JADI COLOURFULL SANGAT NEEYYY

It looks as if a tornado just hit my room ._.

My completely empty wardrobe. Wah sedap mata memandang!

Weird bag my brother gave me for my EIGHTEENTH birthday. Yes ladies and gentleman, MY EIGHTEETH birthday. Maybe my brother still takes me for his 5 year old baby sister or something -.-

But whatever. It's the thoughts that count right? :)

Birthday cards I've received from circa 2005 :')

One from Hasan in 2007 lol!

At least I think it was 2007.

And this one was from Lee and Aini for my birthday in 2005 :D

This sobloodycantikbutneverworn dress that Lee gave me for my birthday last year. I wish somebody would invite me to a prom so i can wear this T_T

And don't even think of suggesting it to be worn during the AGD ok. Nanti nampak macam beria betul haku -_-

And after nearly two hours folding everything properly and putting everything in place, TADAAAAA!

Well, it's not really clean like REALLY REALLY EFFINGLY clean. But hey, at least it's not an eyesore :D

And I will end this post with that picture of my not-messy-but-not-that-organized-either wardrobe :D

Majoring in English

2010-10-14T13:32:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I wonder what will happen to me after I graduate. What would I do with an English Degree in hand? A lot of people say you can be a lot of things with it. But they never said what. I wanted to be a journalist before. Probably because I like writing and I hadn't really thought about what people would ask me to write if I ever succeeded in being a journalist. But then the newspapers here are sort of like really biased. So that doesn't really help. Unless I become a journalist for Harakah. Lol Ayah would be so proud.

So anyway, I'm thinking of becoming some sort of an ambassador. Mainly because it sounds fun right now and you get to travel overseas a lot. I know, short-term thinking. But seriously, I want a job that involves a lot of traveling. Then maybe I'll get really sick of traveling, I'll finally settle down with a husband and become a free-lance writer lol. I can take care of my growing kids and still have my own money! Sounds like a genious plan. For now. Some of my friends suggested being a tourist guide. But then I'll have to do my homework and dig historical facts about a particular monument and things like that. Bleh. Plus, I'm a girl. Tak bahaya ke for a girl to be a tour guide? Haha taknak tu cakap jela taknak.

Oh and in case I don't end up being an ambassador, I think I'll go find work as a translator God is that not cool. Maybe I'll translate Sophie Kinsella's books into Malay! HA HA NO THAT BOOK WOULD SOUND REALLY WRONG WITH AWKWARD SENTENCE STRUCTURES. Some books are best left as they are. Like Harry Potter. Harry Potter dan Batu Ajaib wtf?

Or I can be a news reporter woots! I'll be on TV every night cool gilaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. I mean, I don't even have to memorize lines or anything. Just muster up some serious I-mean-business expression and read the electronic board that's in front of you or something. And the best part of it is that I'll get to look all serious while consulting random papers or fake-talking with my news reporter mate when the credit roles GOD I HAVE ALWAYS WANTED TO DO THAT AND LOOK AWESOME. God I wanna be a news reporter now. But that means I won't have a chance of using my hard earned English knowledge ._. Unless I work for CNN or something OHMYGOD UBER COOL.

And then maybe I'll fall in love with a brave and handsome reporter and we'll end up getting married and we'll have 10 beautiful children together and we'll go for family picnics every weekend and people will be all envious seeing how happy we are AAAWWWWWW.

Or not.

OR MAYBE I CAN BE A WRITER FOR A BEAUTY MAGAZINE WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHH. That shit is wack. But what would I write about ._. Household tips? Lol shut up.

I don't think I can be an author as in a book author. Because my imagination is filled with crap and I might come up with something less appealing than Twilight lol. And I can't write chick flicks. Because most chick flicks are really unislamic and I don't wanna write stuff like that. I love reading it but reading and writing are just two really different things. It doesn't mean that you have to write according to whatever you read. Maybe I'll write something like Habiburrahman El-Shirazy but in English. Maybe I'll translate his works! Or mayeb somebody already did ._.

I wonder if there's any work that involves reading? Hmm, that would be easy lol. But please not a teacher please please pleaseeeee. I don't know why but I just can't see myself (or I just don't want to see myself) as a teacher. Because you know, I've been in school. And when I observe how the students behave and how to teacher handles theri shitty behavior I always think, "Boy, it must be difficult to be in her shoes." Really, my tolerance towards shittily behaved kids are zero and I might end up being in jail because of child abuse or something. *serious ass face*

Although my mum was a teacher, I just can't see myself following her footsteps. I know that being a teacher is a noble job and everything but I just can't find any passion in teaching ya know?

So yeah.

The problem of having an English degree is that it doesn't prepare you for a specific job in a specific field. Unlike engineers and architectures, an English major has to be creative in deciding what job he/she would want to apply for. What specific field he/she would like to be in. What specialty that he/she has that would make them sell-able for that particular field. Majoring in English is like majoring in something very general. You could be anything. From working for a newspaper company to working for an advertising company to being an editor or even a teacher or being involved in human resourcing. Whatever that is.

The point is, you can be anything with an English degree. You just have to use your left side of the brain and start thinking creatively. Develop your communication with other people, develop your specialty while you can. Because as soon as you enter the working world you would have to sell everything that you can do to gain a spot as an employee. The market(?) is getting very competitive ok. So be ready to sell yourself to your future employers.

Here I am advising people that they can be whatever they want to be with an English degree and still vague about what my future holds for me.

But like they say, you're writing your own story. So make sure it's a pretty darn good story!

2010-10-12T23:53:00.001+08:00

Aku selalu rasa macam ajal aku dah dekat. Sigh.

TERENGGANU HERE I COME!

2010-10-04T22:05:00.000+08:00

So I'll be going to Terengganu tomorrow and I'll be staying at Ayunie's for 6 whole days LIKE OH MY GOD MY FIRST TIME GOING TO A FRIEND ~~WHO-DOES-NOT-LIVE-NEARBY'S~~ HOUSE I AM SO EXCITED. I'm going with Mee and our flight will be tomorrow afternoon :D But balik naik bus la lemak ape pergi balik nak naik plane hahahahgagagahagahga.

So wish me a safe trip and hopefully I'll update this blog day by day to keep you updated(?) with our daily, uh, activities lol. It's not like anybody would wanna know but heck, I'll write about them anyway.

OMG EXCITEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD. *hyperventilates and dies*

Random things about yours truly

2010-10-02T22:31:00.000+08:00

This is a vain post.

1. I can go on for a whole day without any proper meal. No breakfast, no lunch and no dinner. Just the occasional random snacks like roti dengan cheese ke, an apple ke, kerepek ke. And things like that. I guess that's just why I'm so skinny. Sigh.

2. I cannot sleep with only one pillow. I have to have at least two pillows to be able to sleep. But for a guaranteed good sleep, I usually use three. One for my head, one for me to hug and one for my legs to hug(?) I'm considering getting a bolster so that I won't have to sleep with 3 pillows but so hard la want to find nice bolster wan.

3. I don't like to talk when I eat. Ayunie told me one, "Aku perasan something kat kau. Kalau jumpe makanan kau terus senyap." Hohoho. Especially when I' really really hungry. I like to read books when I eat but I'm not such a big fan of talking WHILE eating lah when I'm not eating I'm usually unstoppable muahahahah.

4. The way I talk is easily influenced by people around me. My friends mostly. My most over used phrase right now is "Jangan sampai aku blablabla" and "Memang la blablabla".

5. I'm actually flattered when people ask me things like "Weh betul ke aku buat ni?" or "Yang ni maksud die ape eh?" because I know myself and I know that I'm not a walking dictionary or a waling english text book. It just happens that I know the answers to their questions. And prolly because I exempted my English Placement Test. And maybe because my grammar and sentence structure makes sense too. So most people tend to think that I'm the English Guru or something when I'm really not. I'm just like you guys, seriously :|

6. When I love somebody, I love them with all that I've got. But still can't beat Lee la. Hihi. When my ex dumped me when I was 15 (This is the one and only ex ok. After that no more no way), I cried my heart out and woke up with a swelled up pair of eyes. I hugged my towel when I slept because I was crying so hard. I also lost 3 kilos after the break up. I couldn't eat because I kept imagining him with that girl (who later turned to be an awesome friend to me :]) together every single miserable day. My days were empty without any texts from him. But when he does text to ask me how I was doing, I wouldn't reply because I wanted to show him that I was strong and that I can live without him. But I was wrong. It took me nearly 4 years to completely get over him. And this is a guy whom I only spent 5 months with, I've never went out with, never hold hands with (thank god I didn't), never called and rarely talks to me eye to eye at school or in class unless it's really really important. But he was really sweet in his own way, (although he can be quite a jerk most of the times) and I guess that's the thing that made it so hard for me to forget him. That's why I don't plan to fall for anyone until I'm ready to get married. I dread going through all that again. But then you came along. Sigh.

God that's a long one.

7. I have a very high metabolism rate. I guess that's why it's really hard for me to pass 45 kilos. I can eat like a pig when I'm real hungry. But the food keeps getting digested -.-

8. I hate sports. The only sport I'll play is, umm, anything that doesn't involve running, jumping and me getting sweaty. Urghh I hate getting all sweaty and hot. I don't know how I survived the National Service, really. You have to stand straight up facing the son during the rollcalls and there's one time when everybody was late, they had us do push ups, SLOW-ASFRICKINHELL-LY under the hot scorching sun of Sandakan. I remembered looking like I had just taken a shower with my uniform on. Yurgh.

9. I only eat crunchy vegetables. Kangkung is my favourite followed by kacang botol and kacang panjang. I can tolerate Kailan and Kobis but I just really can't deal with sawi, bayam and those mushy kind of veggies. I mean, aren't vegetables SUPPOSED to be crunchy? What's up with the mushiness? Meh.

10. When I was 5, I purposely sliced off half of my eyelashes on both eyes with a scissor because ~~I was stupid~~ godknowswhy really. My mum flipped when she found out because my eyelashes look really weird when viewed from sideways. It looked kind of terbantut. Thankgod they grew back.

I honestly have no idea why I made this list. Maybe I'm just vain like that.

Hate list

2010-09-16T01:29:00.000+08:00

I suddenly realized that I have never made a hate list before. Just for the hell of it. Well, here goes ;

1. I hate it that I have accidentally updated my iTouch software (or something) to 4.1 and now I cant friggin jailbreak the damn thing because that is the latest software and no jailbreaking has been done to it so my iTouch is basically a dumb device without any use at all. No music, no games, and get this, NO FRICKIN WIFI!

2. I am just really annoyed with Apple right now for making jailbreaking so damn hard. IT'S LEGAL FOR GOD SAKE!

3. I hate it that people make fun of Twilight and Justin Bieber. Don't get it wrong here, I'm not a big fan of Twilight nor Justin Bieber. It's just that it's really mean to make fun of them like, what is your problem with them really? They're making more money than you are so you're the loser here really.

4. I hate it when there is nothing to eat in the refrigerator. Nothing to eat here means food that I don't have to fry, cook, put in microwave etc etc. Fruits are not included.

5. I hate it when I cannot download songs because the internet is shitty.

6. I hate shitty internet.

7. I hate it when I feel like I don't have anything to wear eventhough I know that my closet is full of stuffs I never do wear. I really really hate that.

8. I hate it when somebody uses my favorite mug.

9. I actually really really do not like (read: hate) it when Naqib drinks out of my water bottle. I have had that water bottle since I was five years old (somebody in some photo shop gave it to me as a free gift or something when I was in Autralia) and I was the only who had been drinking from it until he came along. I feel like my privacy is being invaded everytime I watch him drink from my water bottle. If Nazif starts drinking from it I swear I will hide my water bottle in the freezer.

10. I hate it when I feel like eating chocolate but there is no chocolate in the fridge.

11. I hate it when I get presents that I don't like and I have to act all appreciative in front of the person who gave it to me. I feel so bad because that person thinks that I actually like his/hers gift when I really really don't.

12. I hate it that nobody has never done anything sweet to me.

13. I hate it that I have never had a surprise birthday party. Even one birthday party for that matter.

14. I hate it that I don't have a lot of money and that I am always broke. I know that it's wrong to be wasteful and whatever but having a little bit more money would be really nice. HOW COME I DON'T HAVE A FRIGGIN ALLOWANCE LIKE EVERYBODY DOES?!

15. I hate it when people treat me insignificantly (read: like trash). As happy as I may look on the outside, you should know that I cry far more and far easier than your baby brother/baby sister/ whoever in your family that cries a lot.

16. I hate it when I feel like crap all day long because of how people treat me.

17. I hate looking at forever alone memes. They remind me of myself most of the times.

18. I hate it that the jeans that I have bought online always turned up shitty eg: does not fricking fit me, too big, too small, whatever.

19. I hate my hair, sometimes. I have always wanted Natalie Portman's shitshort hair but I know that there is no way I could pull off that look.

20. I hate it when I go into a restaurant feeling real hungry and then it turns out that I have ordered the shittiest tasting food in the restaurant. That makes me feel really really shitty.

21. I hate having to repeat myself more than 2 times.

22. I hate looking at how rich people live their lives buying this and that going here and there and doing everything I have always dreamt of doing. How come I don't get to live like that?

23. I hate it that I'm not filthy rich. (Don't say things like "at least you have a home!" or whatever. You think I don't know that?)

24. I hate it when people don't respond asap when I REALLY REALLY NEED them to respond asap. It's beyond annoying.

25. I hate it when people cancel plans last minute. Especially plans that I have really looked forward to. That sucks, bigtime.

26. I hate it when all my emotions are suddenly mixed up and all I wanna do is curl up and cry.

27. I hate it to the max when people invade my privacy. I REALLY REALLY REALLY HATE THAT. I mean, I wouldn't mind if you wanna read my inbox or whatever. Just don't..overdo it, you know?

28. I hate it when I don't get ANY text messages for three whole days. I feel like my friends have abandoned me :(

29. I hate it when people don't get what I mean.

30. I hate it when I have mood swings. I treat people around me like shit. And I hate that.

31. I EFFING HATE EFFING COCKROACHES. ESPECIALLY THE ONES THAT CAN EFFING FLY.

32. I hate it when I get shitty marks because I don't study.

33. I hate it that I don't have good control over myself.

34. I hate it when I realized that nothing comes out when I have typed for about half a page it's so annoying I SWEAR.

35. I hate it when I forgot to do things which I am so not supposed to forget.

36. I hate it when people are emotional with me. It makes me wanna cry ._.

37. I hate it when people dwell about my skin color. It's not like my skin color is making your eyes sore or something. Piss off.

38. I hate it when friends backstab each other without the other one knowing. I really really hate that.

39. I hate it when I see something I really like but I'm too broke to buy it.

40. I hate not having enough money for a meal. It makes me feel so poor and pathetic.

41. I hate it when somebody is mad at me because of my fault. It makes me feel so friggin guilty ._. especially if that person is really close to me.

42. I hate having to fight with people I love or when people I love have fights with each other.

43. I hate it when people lie to me and I know that they are actually lying. Am I not worth the truth? :|

44. I hate it when my shitty handphone gets stuck and shuts down by itself halfway through typing a frickin long message. I HATE THIS ONE SO BAAAAAAAAAAAD.

45. I hate not having anything to do when I'm bored out of my wits.

46. I hate it when I accidentally paint my fingers instead of my nails. AND I ABSOLUTELY HATE HAVING TO REMOVE IT WITH FULL FORCE BECAUSE IT REALLY HURTS.

47. I hate not having enough food supply in the locker. Especially when I'm hungry.

48. I hate it that I can't get married right now.

49. I hate it that my crush is sending mixed signals.

50. I just really hate not getting what I want when I want it.

And I really hate it when it's late at night and I can't friggin sleep.

My little secret ;)

2010-09-14T17:54:00.001+08:00

I actually have had a tumblr account since April but I just kept my mouth shut about it until now because.. er, well god knows why really.

But know I've decided to publicize my tumblr for everyone to read.

Oh and btw, it's mainly about you :)

P/s: I should stop being so creepy.

Raya Ke-5

2010-09-14T15:43:00.000+08:00

I have trouble differentiating arguments and discussions.

I mean, do you not argue when you discuss? This is weird.

Well anyways, it's the fifth raya today and here I am sitting at home, doing absolutely nothing raya-ish. Oh and dear friends, please note that my parents decided to postpone our open house to Raya Haji WTHHHH I know right so you don't need to worry about not coming to my house untuk beraya sekarang. You can come during raya haji :D I mean, it's still raya right? Hehehehehehehehehe.

And my duit raya count is nearing RM500 woots :DDD Selama 19 tahun aku dah hidup ni aku rasa tahun ni paling banyak, serious. Masa kecik-kecik dulu 100++ je dapat and the makin lama makin banyak makin banyak makin banyak and now BOOM! RM500 terus eheheheheheh.

I think I'm gonna use this money to buy books, books and MOARRR BOOOOOKKKSSSS! Because it's been 74656782876545367 years since I last read a new book. I always end up spending my money and clothes clothes pashminas shawls clothes clothes and it's not like I wear all of them either ._. Aaahh, I'll need to do a spring clean as soon as I start my two months of holiday. And sell them online and make more money woots! :D

God, I love money $$$$$$$$$$$

Ok that sounded very materialistically wrong.

But whatever.

Kawan-kawan takda sapa nak buat open house ke haku nak mati kejang dah duduk kat rumah tak ada buat apa ni .___.

BEN

2010-09-13T02:14:00.000+08:00

Aku baca dalam blog kawan-kawan aku ramai yang kena kutuk kaw-kaw dengan relatives bila diorang cakap diorang amek BEN.

So adakah relatives aku cacat atau apa kerana tidak mengutuk?

Seriously, nobody kutuks me sejak mereka tahu yang aku ambek BEN. Dalam kalangan sepupu aku pun aku sorang jelah yang amek language setakat ni. Yang lain semua Accounting, Pharmacy, Medic, dengan IT. Kumpulan-kumpulan tu jelah. Ada uncle aku sorang ni siap cam amazed gila aku amek BEN (mungkin sebab dia pun suka language walaupun dia mengajar Math) so setiap kali berkumpul ramai-ramai dia akan mula bercakap Bahasa Inggeris dengan aku (which I'm not really comfortable with because I don't like speaking English with people who know Malay ._.) dan tanya things like "What have you been learning in this course?" "Is it a nice course?" "What do you learn, really?" or something like, "Have you read this book called blablabla? You should really read it because the author blablabla and the writing style is very blablablabla" and that can be very awkward seeing that before this I didn't really have lengthy conversations with him like he's trying to make now so, yeah. It can be very awkward with the obligatory sounds of "Ohh."s and "Ehh."s.

So anyways, I feel really comfortable taking BEN because I personally think it's an awesome course because all my BEN friends are awesome ♥ and because I find it mentally and physically challenging. Pergh ayat dah macam apa ke.

But there's only this one thing that has been bothering me about budak-budak BEN ni. Orang selalu cop budak-budak BEN jeis budak-budak yang social, gedik, takmalu, suka tarik perhatian etc etc. You know lah, the kind of people yang mintak kaki. So if you mess up and kena saman ke ape and bila dia tanya course you answer BEN they'll automatically say, "Huh patutla. Budak BEN rupenye" it's like we were born to be trouble makers or something. Kalau ada gossip-gossip budak mengandung ke apa perangai syaiton ke mesti orang tanya dulu, "Budak BEN ke?" sebab konon kalau betul tu budak BEN it's like "Ohh no wonder la."

I really do not like that kind of mentality because hey, aku pun budak BEN jugak ok and sedikit sebanyak tempias jugak kena aku. Ni dah macam sebab nila setitik, rosak susu sebelanga. I mean, bukan semua budak BEN macamtu. Adalah certain few, tapi tak perlu langsung la nak stereotype kitorang sampai macamtu sekali.

Most people selalu look down dekat budak-budak BEN and have shitty thinking towards us and budak-budak BAR dengan IRK kena praise habis-habis . Aku bukan nak buat controversial statement ke apa but it's essential for you to really get to know somebody before you judge them. Kau tengok luar je tak cukup la, serious tak cukup. Melainkan kalau kau memang a judgmental tard semua orang kau nak judge ha tu memang takleh nak cakap ape la.

But seriously, bukan semua orang macam yang kau fikir sebelum kau betul-betul kenal orang tu. Kawan-kawan aku pernah cakap first time diorang tengok aku muka macam sombong tak friendly langsung. Tapi lepas kenal confirm lah perception tu berubah. Cuba kalau they didn't even make the effor to get to know me. They'll probably spend the rest of their lives thinking that I'm a stuck up arrogant looking bitch. You have to get to know people la before you pass judgments. Don't just simply make unwarranted assumptions sebelum kau kenal orang tu and then spread rumors based on your assumptions. Tu bangang namanya.

Peh jauh pulak aku membebel. Ha tu jelah aku nak vent pun. So in conclusion, BEN is an awesome course designed for awesome people :)

GAMBAR-GAMBAR RAYA WOOTS

2010-09-13T01:48:00.000+08:00

Hah habis happy la title aku harini. Tadi aku pergi round nak dekat satu KL beraya rumah sanak saudara ._. Kitorang keluar rumah pukul 1030 pagi sampai rumah nak dekat 11 malam jhfgwjekrgfrekjgejr RASA MACAM DAH BAU HAROM BETUL BADAN AKU NEY SATU HARI TAK MANDI JEHFGJEWRGFJERF. Rasa belengeh nak mampoih. Cit.

So anyway PICTURESSS! Post ni memang akan ada sangat banyak camwhoring punya pictures sebab aku yang pegang camera HEHEGEHGEHGEHEG dan jugak sebab takda orang nak amek gambar aku so ameklah gamabr sendiri hihi. Ni ha aku dah bagi amaran awal-awal jangan nak meluat pulak tengok muka aku banyak-banyak nanti HOHOHO.

Oh sebelum tarok gambar raya kena tarok gambar dua rascal sebelum mereka bertolak ke Kelantan pada hari Selasa lalu. Esok diorang balik WOOTS!

Kengkadang rasa cam nak lempang budak ni sebab geram.

Abang yang agak cenge haritu. Ke die cenge dengan aku je hahahahagahgaha.

Ok dah cukup dua je gambar dorang sekarang gambar raya pulak woots!

Banyak betul aku cakap woots sekarang ni ._.

Ni dekat rumah Tok Mama malam 1st Raya. Semuaorang dah parah hahahahha.

DUIT RAYA TIIIIMMMMEEEEE! Faiz dah semangat nak bagi duit raya dekat cousin-cousin yang masih belum bekerja nampaknya HOHOHO.

Uncle Jai still looks parah ._.

Muka ini dipanggil muka barubanguntidurtakmanditakbasuhmukateruspakaitudungturunbawahmintakduitraya. You clear?

Ha ni untuk sudut yang lebih jelas. Behold, muka tak mandi dalam erti kata sebenar.

End of Raya, Day 1.

Start of Raya, Day 2!

CAMWHORINGGGGGG. Meme pandang cermin watapan.

Jika rasa tidak puas camwhoring di hadapan cermin, terbalikkanlah kamera ke arah anda dan tangkaplah gambar sendiri menggunakan tangan yang panjang.

Baju raya yang jarang T_T Tapi opkoslah aku pakai inner kat dalam kan kepahal nak pakai baju jarang-jarang pegi beraye rumah orang -.-

Meme berpiuh mencari kasut yang sesuai dengan baju. Perlula ampaian baju nak masuk skali ._.

Kasut yang dipakai 2,3 kali setahun. Bila Raya baru nak bawak keluar lap-lap bersihkan dari segala habuk. Isk.

Meme mengalih kain takut kalau masa tengah beraya nanti tetiba hujan turun lalu baju basah semuanya.

Muka tension sebab tudung RM10 (yang matching dengan baju) yang dibeli di Giant semalam buat hal awning taknak jadi elok so kena pakai tudung pasar malam pergi beraya kat rumah orang HAHAGAHAHAGHAG.

ZOMGOMZZZZZZZZ ADA TELUR BERCELAK KAT BELAKANG!!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHHAAHHAHAHAHAHA

All my male(?) cousins except Adam who is studying in Minnesota and has not been home for Raya since he went in 2008. So anyways Mugay is the only one staring at the camera which proves my point of how much of a gay he is. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. WE ♥ OUR MUGAY!

Up close and personal with..MUGAY! He never fails to deliver such idiotic expressions. Muahahahaha.

Bapa dan pakcik-pakcik.

Emak dan makcik-makcik.

Ini dekat rumah Auntie Kina btw. Suaminya, Uncle Go (adik beradik die punye nickname memang pelik-pelik. Go lah, Op lah, Chop lah, Ched la. Serious, tak tipu) adalah cousin bapak aku. Ya, bapak aku dengan cousin-cousin habis semue die rapat hahahahhahahaha.

Cousins and Lin menyebok kat tepi -_- Btw yang lelaki tiga orang ni semua adik beradik kecuali Mugay gay sesat takdak adik beradik lelaki HAHAGAHGAHGAHGAAGAHGA.

Meh.

Hidangan utama di rumah Auntie Kina. Roast Chicken and Mash Poteto! Mat Saleh sungguh yall.

Lin nampaknya sungguh gembira akan menu hari itu! Meanwhile, Mugay sedang mengelentong Tyah di belakang.

Cubaan Tyah untuk bermanja dengan Mugay JHGFKWEGECGEYRFKSJDGELIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

Biskot cornflake yand sangat rangup dan sedap sampai perlu bawak bekal masuk dalam kereta hegehgehge.

Kereta yang didalamnya terdapat anak-anak teruna.

So lepas Auntie Kina punye rumah we proceeded to lagi sorang cousin Ayah punye rumah around that area jugakla. I think. This auntie is called Aunti Shahrin (er, kan?)

So anyways YOU GUYS SHOULD TOTALLY CHECK OUT HER TOILET IT IS LIKE THE MOST AWESOMAZING TOILET I HAVE EVER SEEN WITH MY OWN EYES SO CANTIK WEHH GOT JACUZZI WITH TANGGA SUMORE.

DEKAT HUJUNG TU SIAP ADA SCENTED CANDLES LAGI OK COOL GILA KE APA TOILET NI?!

Okeh, proceed.

Lepastu sebab toilet sangat cantik kena amik gambar camwhoring nampak gigi satu kasi puas hati. YEAH.

Adakah ada cili di celah gigi aku ._.

Menunggu hidangan juadah raya OM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOOOMMMM.

Lepastu tetiba Faiz datang buat gaya terbang soh orang amek gambaq -_-

eh, gambar. tersasul pulak HIKHIKHIKSSS.

Adik yang osem dan kakak oren yang selepat.

EH GELAP PULAK SUASANA DALAM RUMAH TU ISH.

"Tyah, hang tangkap gambaq muke hang slalu camni kan?"

"Dis is how you do it ya'll"

Daddy peachy bak kate Tyah -_-

Daddy peachy with daughter peachy(?)

Uncle Jai osem. Hahahahahaha. Ni adalah uncle yang paling suka getu, eh cubit ups tersasul lagi HAHAGHAGAHGA GEDIK BETOL HAKU NEY anak-anak sedara dia. Uncle Jai juga merupakan bapa kepada MUGAAAAAAYYYY YEAH!

KENAPA HARUS MAK GARU MATA DISAAT INI MAK KENAPAAAAA?

btw tudung aku time ni aku dah tukar jadi style ketulan cirit sebab panas ah nak lilit-lilit dua kali. Dah ah baju gua jarang kat dalam tu nak kena pakai inner so panas adalah 2x ganda dari orang lain isk isk isk.

Habis candid ah gambar ni.

From left ; penan, rangka and muGAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!

Camwhoring dekat cermin kereta adalah sangat perlu kalau tidak tak layak dipanggil professional camwhorer YEAH.

Yang ni pulak dekat rumah, errr, rumah..OH HA rumah Auntie Ani!

Ini muka "Anda tidak mahu bermain-main dengan saya. Anda tidak mahu" Mugay pula dalam cubaan mempedajal gua.

L untuk Loser. Loser untuk Mugay! We've been giving him that sign all day long lol.

Tyah dengan muka "Gimme siku gimme kaki gimme tumit yall gimme gimme gimme!"

Adik beradik selepet tet sebab dah petang smue dah maleh nak mantain muka elok macam mase kluaq rumah tadi bukti adalah tudung ketulan cirit dan muka Meme yang parah killew ew eww.

Sesi membuli Inaz atas dasar tidak berpuas hati tanpa sebab kepada abangnya Si Mugay.

Berdamai lalu camwhore bersama ♥

Blergh.

Dua ekoq lonjong tak tentu hala dengan muka depa yang mintak kaki.

HAHA PAHAL EMO.

AND MUGAY'S UGLY FAG FACE WILL END THIS SOBLADILONGLAH POST!

Penat gila nak tunggu gambar upload satu-satu dari tenghari tadi aku start pukul 1 pagi baru habis -.-

So yeah, enjoy!

1 Syawal 1431

2010-09-11T00:49:00.000+08:00

Boring gila raya tahun ni sampai aku taktahu dah nak cakap cemane nak bagi tunjuk boring sangat tu. Boring die sangat boring sampai aku rela cuci ayam lagi sekali HOHOHOHOHOHO OK TIPU KABIR.

HAH NI NAK CERITA HARITU AKU KENA CUCI AYAM UNTUK BUAT RENDANG SEBAB MAID AKU TAKDA BALIK INDON CUTI SEBULAN SO KERJA RUMAH SEMUA KITORANG ADIK-BERADIK LA KENA BUAT EG: BASUH PINGGAN, KEMAS MEJA LEPAS MAKAN, MESIN BAJU, SIDAI BAJU, ANGKAT BAJU DARI AMPAIAN DAN CUCI AYAM YANG BAU CAM RGFJHEWEHJVDHCJEHCWJWFERHFEKFWERHVFJEKR AKU BENCI BETUL BAU AYAM TUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU.

Sepanjang tempoh aku cuci ayam aku terbayang nanti kalau dah kahwin suami aku nak makan ayam MACAMANA NI MACAMANA MACAMANA TAHAP SERIOUS DIE MACAM KAU NAK TERBERANAK TAPI DALAM KERETA TAKDA MINYAK MACAMANA NAK PERGI HOSPITAL NI MACAMANA MACAMANA?!

Ha paham tak tahap ke-urgent-an pemikiran aku petang tu? Serious la dari mula sampai habis aku cuci ayam memang aku tak hala muka aku kat sink sebab bau ayam yang agak meloyakan dan sebab aku cepat rasa nak muntah bila aku terhidu bau-bau seumpama ini. Bau darah ayam hanyir gila kuasa tiga ribu setengah SUMPAH WA CAKAP LU HANYIR BETUL BAU AYAM YANG BARU SEMBELIH NI MACAMANA ORANG DI LADANG TERNAKAN AYAM HARI-HARI MENGHADAP BAU NI MACAMANA MACAMANA?!

Sampai masa nak makan rendang wangi lazat yang bau sangat wangi tu pun terbayang-bayang lagi bau darah ayam gfkjewreyrfkerwherygkfejwrhfbeyugvrtfr. Nasib baiklah masa aku tengah cuci ayam tu Meme tengah masak chocolate atas dapur untuk nak buat cokelat kek. So aroma cokelat tu mngaburi lubang hidung aku instead of bau HANYIR AYAAAAMMMMM AAAARRRRGGGGHHHHHHH APASAL HANYIR SANGAAATTTTTTTTTTTTT.

Selepas habis basuh ayam aku memang seriously consider nak jadi vegetarian dan nak kahwin dengan orang vegetarian dan bela anak-anak yang membesar dan menjadi vegetarian. Serious, sangat serious. *muka serious*

So last night iaitu malam raya aku pergi rumah nenek aku yang dekat Bandar Utama untuk nak takbir raya bersama keluarga. Ni memang macam family tradition la setiap malam raya kena duduk di rumah nenek ini dan bertakbir raya unless kau beraya kat tempat lain. So last night yang ada family aku, uncle aku dengan auntie aku sorang. Yang lain semua raya belah lain and ada sorang auntie yang duduk UK tak balik raya sebab baru haritu nenek aku pergi melawat die so watapan nak balik kan.

Masa tengah takbir tu cousin aku pasang skype dengan kakak die yang tengah amek master di Ostrolia yang tak balik raya sebab Ostrolia takda cuti raya HOHOHO. Cousin aku tu pergi duduk dengan suami die kat sane tapi yang beljar die sorang jela, suami die kerje. Rumah die omg wtf comel nak mati sangat cute dan cosy untuk dua orang! Lepastu suami die join sekali takbir through skype sangat comel keadaan itu :')

LEPASTU AKU PUN APA LAGI KAAAAAAAAAAANNN MULALAH TERBAYANG KALAU AKU PULAK NANTI MACAMANA HIKHIKHIKSSSSSSSS.

Katalah aku ada rezeki nak sambung masters oversea lepas dah kahwin nanti lepastu pergi dengan suami ALA COMEL GILA DUDUK DUA ORANG JAUH DARI MAK BAPAK SUSAH SENANG HARUNGI BERSAMA KAU MAKAN TEPUNG AKU MAKAN TEPUNG perghh tu baru life namanya. Independant habis. Bukan lepas kahwin makbapak kau bagi banglo sebijik lengkap dengan bibik untuk kesenangang hidup NO NO NOOOOO. Kesenangan hidup yang paling best adalah bila kau berusaha nak dapatkan kesenangan tu so that bila kau dapat, sumpah kau akan appreciate habis :)

Aku ni tak sah kalau dalam satu post tak cakap pasal kahwin kan ._.

TAPI SERIOUS OK SANGAT COMEL KALAU DUDUK OVERSEAS BELAJAR DENGAN HUSBAND DUA ORANG IT'LL BE LIKE DON'T WORRY BABY WE'LL TAKE CARE OF EACH OTHER I'VE GOT YOU AND YOU'VE GOT ME WE'VE GOT EACH OTHER WE DON'T NEED ANYTHING ELSE AAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW ♥

Okeh matlamat jangka panjang seterusnya adalah sambung masters di luar negara bersama suami tersayang. BERUSAHA YAW!

So anyways raya harini bosan gila gaban dahlah abang aku pun balik beraya rumah kakak ipar aku kat kelantan so budak dua orang yang kepoh tu tak ada sungguh sunyi rumah ini pagi tadi :( Bangun-bangun aku makan rendang dengan ketupat sebijik lepastu online TAK ADA LIFE SUNGGUH HU lepastu Mak panggil suruh tolong cuci meja kat bawah lepastu sambung online lepastu pukul berapatah baru terhegeh-hegeh nak mandi lepastu beraya dengan Mak Ayah nak dekat pukul 11 T_T

Aku taktau la kenape tak rase macam raya langsung tahun ni. Sigh. Mungkin sebab tak ramai orang dekat rumah or memang sebab semakin besar semakin tak batak dengan raya macam zaman kecik-kecik dulu :| Dulu masa hari last puasa tu memang excited habis sebab nak raya. Aku ingat lagi masa raya dekat Langkap (yang kampung betul-betul kampung). Masatu aku darjah-darjah lagi la. Darjah 3,4 macamtu kot. Masatu Tok ada lagi :') Memang that was the best raya memory I have ever had lah sampai umur aku 19 ni. Masak rendang ayam dalam kawah okay. Lepastu kacau dodol pun dalam kawah jugak. Malam-malam pasang pelita keliling pagar rumah. Lepastu main bunga api kat luar rumah dengan cousin-cousin semua. Memang rasa teruja sangat nak raya time tu.

Lepastu bangun pagi awal gila around 7 dah terpacak depan bilik mandi. Mandi wangi-wangi dalam bilik air papan tu and then makan rendang, ketupat, nasi himpit dengan kuah kacang dengan kopi panas. Lepastu tunggu orang-orang dewasa balik masjid lepastu beraya dengan semua orang HU TETIBA RASA NAK NANGIS RINDU GILA NAK BERAYA KAT LANGKAP :'(

Tapi sejak nenek aku meninggal macam takda orang jaga dah rumah tu jadi macam rumah terbiar yang takboleh nak duduk T_T

So tiap-tiap tahunlah family aku beraya dekat Bandar Utama ni sebab kat sini je pun nenek kitorang yang sorang je tinggal. Yang lain dah tak ada. Isk.

Tapi nanti dah kahwin ada dua kampung balik EHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHHEHEHE. Takpalah lagi 4,5 tahun ni aku beraya every year dekat Bandar Utama nanti God knows aku nak beraya kat mana ke pulak kan EHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHHEHE HOH NAIK BETUL MOOD GATAL RAYA-RAYA NIH.

Tu jelah pun aku nak cerita pasal 1 Syawal tahun 2010 ni sebab raya tahun lepas aku dah membebel panjang-panjang pasal Langkap kan ihihihih. Esok baru nak pergi beraya rumah sanak-saudara di sekitar Kuala Lumpur pergi kumpul duit raya WOOTS!

A brief post

2010-09-10T14:57:00.000+08:00

So I'm at my grandma's dekat Bandar Utama. Tak ramai sangat this year sebab tak semua mu uncles and my aunts raya kat sini. Saya sedang mengetaip menggunakan Aitas jadi macam agak harom sikit laa. Dah berapa kali aku bekspes bekspes nak betulkan spelling rhfhydhdgdsjhdidjg. Tapi kalau type random words agak best la sebab macam bileh tekan je semue bnde pon. Gagahhahahahahahhagahahahaahaga. Gelak yang panjang adalah sebab sangat bezzzt tekan huruf dekat keypad harom Aitas nih. Sekarang semua orang adalah sedang berkerumun dekat laptop sebab nak cakap dengan aunt aku sorang ni yang duduk dekat UK sebab raya tahun ni die tak balik malasia hihohojojo. Okeh aku taktau cemana nak tarok perenggan kalau tulis blog pakai bendalah ni ok bye yall.

Saya nak jadi osem macam ayah saya ♥

2010-09-09T01:32:00.002+08:00

Saya sayang ayah kerana ayah sangat osem.

On a side note,

AYAH AKU MASUK ALJAZEERA AYAH KORANG MASOK KEEEEE HAGAHGAHGAHGAHGAHGAHGAHGA ok batak gila bye.

Dan ya, tujuan post ini memang untuk membangga diri dan menunjuk-nunjuk kerana bukan setiap hari ayah saya masuk paper arab. HIKHIKHIK.

Post muslimah solehah wa cakap lu

2010-09-07T21:04:00.001+08:00

I find this article very very interesting dan membuka minda. Petang tadi pun aku google cinta dalam Islam sebab aku nak tahu apa yang aku buat ni betul ke salah. Tapi kebanyakan artikel yang aku jumpa cakap tak salah menyimpan perasaan terhadap orang lain :) Yang jadi salah bila perasaan tu diluahkan padahal dua-dua belum ada ikatan lagi. Hence leading to couple lah dating lah apa lah et cetera.

So dear awak whom I have been liking for about 7 months now, saya takkan cakap yang saya suka awak directly in your face because that would defeat the whole purpose of being in love from the Islamic perspective. I think I'll just wait until the right time (which is like another 4,5 years) before I send somebody to ask you if you're interested in me as much as I am interested in you. And while I know that there's a possibility that you would say no because you'll prolly have someone better by then whom you're a lot more interested in, I think it would mean absolutely no harm if I try my luck with you. After all, who knows that we could, perhaps, end up being together dalam ikatan yang halal :)

And I will tell you right here and right now. If you say no, then I would of course be heart broken because like DUUHH who wouldn't. But that doesn't mean that I'll keep blaming you for my miserable single life or stick huge pins in a voodoo doll version of you. Rather, I would want to thank you for an honest answer and I would probably wish you a happy life with whoever you would choose to be with. I think I have matured in a sense that I know eventhough I could like somebody very very much, it doesn't mean that I'll end up hapily married with that guy. Anything could happen and I won't be ignorant about that. It's better to embrace the reality and move on with your life rather than living in a time warp.

But THAT is what I would do, if you say no. But if you say yes, then it's a whole different story :)

Lelaki yang ikhlas dengan cintanya terhadap si perempuan akan terus datang jumpa mak bapak si perempuan ok. Gentleman sikit. Tak main lah lamar-lamar "Would you be my girlfriend" lah apa other craps lah. Tak proper la macamtu. I want my relationship with my future husband to be blesses with Allah from Day 1. From the day lelaki itu datang rumah untuk berjumpa dengan mak bapak. Oh and satu lagi, sepanjang tempoh pertunangan(?), I do not want to go out with you, walaupun dibenarkan dengan kehadiran mahram. And unless pasal something important like membeli barang hantaran(?) or something like that. Kalau setakat nak keluar makan-makan jumpa-jumpa sembang-sembang taknak lah. Lepas kahwin nanti baru best boleh keluar jalan-jalan pegang tangan terussssss hikhikhik.

Oh and is it possible if I want the most minimal contact with my future husband? Like, message kalau penting etc etc etc. Aku takut betul kalau hubungan aku nanti tak dapat berkat dari awal. I don't want to end up in a crappy marriage just because mulakan hubungan dengan cara yang salah. I want to end up in an awesome marriage yang ada blessing Allah all the way :) Tapi sebelum tu kena senonohkan perangai dulu. Cakap je taknak buat benda-benda ni nanti sebab Iman tak kuat buat jugak -.-

Oh and one more thing, saya takkan kahwin dengan awak selagi saya tak sayang Allah lebih dari saya sayang awak :) (kena work betul-betul bab ni) Sebab cinta yang betul itu adalah cinta kerana Allah yang boleh membawa ke syurga yaw. Bukan cinta plastik murahan yang banyak bersepah ada zaman sekarang.

Harap-harap impian saya ni jadi kenyataan. Harap-harap sangat.

P/s: Segala yang ditulis dalam post ini adalah benar-benar belaka walaupun nampak macam tak betul sebab personaliti saya yang bukan seperti ini diluar. Saya ni nampak je macam ni. Tapi dalam saya awak mana tau :)

Just another average day

2010-09-06T00:27:00.000+08:00

Mood Setan

2010-09-05T23:44:00.000+08:00

Tahun ni aku dapat puasa 18 hari je. Tension betul. Mau separuh mati nak kena ganti ni.

Aku teringin nak pakai wedges. Serious teringin gila. Tapi aku tak suka sebab nanti aku nampak freakishly tall. Kawa-kawan aku suka marah bila aku menyuarakan hasrat hati untuk memiliki sepasang wedges. "KAU DAH TINGGI APAHAL NAK PAKAI WEDGES?!" Begitulah kata-kata mereka. Tapi aku nak beli jugak one pair. Cantik ok wedges pakai dengan baju kurung untuk hari raya. 2 inches pun ok lah. Tinggi-tiggi sangat pun buat ape kan.

Aku benci bila period. Mood aku yang memang macam celaka akan automatik jadi bertambah celaka. Perut pulak macam mintak nak kena robek dengan butcher knife. Jangan sampai aku buat betul. Kalau aku tengah period dengan mood setan and ada orang cari pasal dengan aku atau buat aku sakit hati memang aku rasa nak siat orang tu hidup-hidup dengan pisau lipat yang berkarat dan bergerigi. Padan muka.

Tadi aku pergi Giant dengan Lin sebab teringin nak makan frozen yogurt dengan crushed almonds dekat J.Co. Lepastu ade lipas tempang dekat bawah seat kitorang watapan. Walaupun lipas tu LKU (Lipas Kurang Upaya) aku still rasa nak tenyeh dengan slipa aku. Aku benci lipas macam aku benci manusia yang berperangai khinzir. Sangat, sangat benci. Terutama lipas terbang BUBBY BETOL APAHAL KAU BOLEH TERBANG KAU NAK MIGRATE KE APA?!

Esok Mak ajak pergi shopping raya dekat OU. Aku rasa macam takde bende pon nak beli. Baju yang ade dalam almari pun tak terpakai nak beli baju baru pulak. Aku nak mintak kasut jelah. And a new pair of pants. And maybe a new maxi dress too. Aku tak sukala maxi dress ada lengan. Nampak macam baju orang pregnant. Sebab tu dua maxi dress dalam almari tu aku tak pakai-pakai lagi. Sigh. Oh lepastu nak beli tudung untuk nak match dengan baju raya. Tak sempat pergi Jalan TAR nampaknya tahun ni. Terpaksalah aku cari pashmina dekat Jusco. Isk isk isk.

Aku tak suka buat ketupat. Ya famili aku jenis buat ketupat setiap kali raya. Tapi bukan ketupat empat segi yang susah haram jadah nak buat tu. Kitorang buat ketupat daun palas je. Yang tiga segi. Aku tak suka sebab kene koyak daun die and the bukak and then gunting and then lipat jadi ketupat tiag segi (aku selalu lipat jadi ketupat jantan) lepastu rendam dalam baldi semalaman. Esoknye bangun kerje aku mengelap daun palas la dari pagi sampai petang. Aku tak reti masukkan pulut kat dalam ketupat so lap daun jela kerje aku. Letih tau tak.

Aku selalu rasa diri aku macam kucing kurap tepi jalan. Taktau kenapa.

Aku takut nak masuk Gombak. Aku bace Kiko punye blog macam banyak gile je assignments kat main campus nanti. Sem ni pun macam dah nak pecah kepale otak aku. Haih. Aku sebenarnye taktau ape yang aku nak. Walaupun nampak macam aku dah ade plan untuk future aku tapi tak. Aku tak tau nak buat apa. Serious. Tapi takpela. Still awal lagi. Nanti lepas grad nanti baru aku nak fikir.

Aku nak kahwin lambat sikit la. 26 ke, 27 ke. Aku nak kumpul duit pergi jalan-jalan satu dunia dengan kawan-kawan aku dulu. Lepastu baru kumpul duit kawen. Duduk terus overseas pun macam best. Baru independent sikit. Sampai bila nak duduk bawak ketiak Mak Ayah. Aku nak cube diri atas kaki sendiri jugak. Kalau takde rezeki aku nak pergi belaja overseas pergi melancong lepas dah habis belajar nanti pun ok lah. Dapat jugak pergi kan.

Aku tak suka rambut aku. Kadang-kadang rasa macam nak botak. Senang sikit tak payah heran pasal rambut. Aku jeles dekat orang yang botak licin. Kurang satu masalah dalam hidup die.

Aku tengah rasa nak tumbok muka orang sekarang. Serious.

Aku benci artis yang salahgunaka perkataan InsyaAllah. Contoh, "InsyaAllah nanti kami berdua akan berduet untuk lagu dangdut itu" Bodoh betul. Kau nak buat benda tak elok kau pergi cakap dengan izin Allah buat ape bangang? Huh. Dumblonde betul. Cube pike dulu sebelum cakap. Orang lain tengok menyampah tau tak.

Aku rasa post ni bunyi macam bengang sebab aku tak puas hati dapat puasa 18 hari je. Rasa cam nak mencarut. Tapi nanti takde orang nak kawen dengan aku. Mampos ah. Ade jodoh ade, kalau takde aku nak jage anak kucing mate kelabu dengan Lee. End of story.

The little words that can change you

2010-09-05T03:05:00.001+08:00

Saya tak pernah mintak untuk simpan perasaan dekat awak. Minta maaf kalau menyusahkan.

Drama Rehearsal

2010-09-04T00:13:00.000+08:00

So here are some pictures taken from today's drama rehearsal which is also the last rehearsal. Enjoy!

Oh and the pictures are taken by Yunie's phone so takdalah macam hi-def gila ke ape.

Adalah elok jika dimulakan dengan gambar camwhoring iras rebit. PAHAL MUKE AYUNIE TAK IRAS REBIT.

Bersemangat sungguh diorang cakap yaw. Mee semangat sangat sampai berdiri apahal. Hahahahaghag. Yang bakul kat tengah tu konon-konon chest lah hikhik.

Mee semangat sekali menyentuh chest! I wonder what scene was this.

Our very very cute bread seller, Ezman! KIUT KAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNN

Very cute bread seller still struggling with his lines -________-

Mee and Uma, acting. Siti, texting -.- Yunie, fart-smiling :D

Siti, taking a break from texting -__-

Aaaaawwwwwwwwwww Una dengan Wafiy pakai baju kale matching :D

The only two guys in our group.

Alah bergurau-gurau manja pulak dua orang neeeyyy.

Siti, sambung texting -_________________-

Stage director with Ali :D

Mee tengah nak start begadoh dengan Wafiy.

Mee memaki Wafiy.

Mee tetiba bergelak ketawa dengan Wafiy ._.

Mee appearing very happy while trying to memorize the script(?)

Bread Seller megheluh. Hahahgahgahagahgahgahga.

Ezman looks so bored hahahahahhahahahahahahhaha. Ok dah sikit-sikit gamba Ezman nanti ade orang marah :P

Sesi menghafal skrip untuk cubaan berlakon tanpa merujuk skrip.

Cubaan stage director untuk menimbulkan double chin. BERJAYA! So that is how I would look if I was fat? Creepy ._.

'Ali' buying bread from the bread seller.

I like this one! :D

Arguing about THE CCCCCCHHHHHHHEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSTTTTTTTTTTTTTT.

Perempuan-perempuan props.

Alaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah comelnye share-share kertas pulaaaaaaaaaaaaaaakkk :P

And this hilarious picture of Una wraps up this post!

Farewell for now.

The Play

2010-09-03T21:03:00.000+08:00

Aku rasa air dekat Nilai ni kotor sebab muka aku tiba-tiba naik jerawat. Dekat dagu je ade 543528 ketul. Dekat dahi takpayah cakapla dah macam pusat menternak jerawat dah ni. Kat tepi hidung pun ada. TAPI HAKU PANTANG BETUL KALAU ADA JERAWAT KAT DALAM LUBANG IDUNG WATAPAAAAAAAAAAAANNN HAKU NAK KOREK HIDUNG PUN SUSAH. Time-time raya pulak tu tetiba nak tumbuh berjemaah. Tension aku. Kalau picit nanti ade tande. Jadi makin buruk pulak time beraye nanti isk.

So anyways today will be the day that we all have been waiting for! Our drama performance yaw. Aku tengok orang lain berlatih gerun gila sebab sangat kerap dan sangat serious. Group aku baru tadi start berlatih serious padahal esok nak perform nii. Group kitorang yang first sekali perform pukul 9 pagi gulp. Tadi pun berlatih dua jam je sebab aku rasa scene kitorang ada dua je and props kitorang sumpah sikit gile. Cakap je banyak. Tu yang aku rase satu group rileks je tu -.-

Props yang abru habis buat pun pokok je. Eh tu pon tak habis betul lagi. SHIITTTT LUPA NAK CARI DAUN-DAUN BERGUGURAN NAK TAMPAL ATAS POKOK! *palm-facing* Okeh lepas ni kena turun dengan Yunie pegi cari daun-daun nak tampal. Pokok tu pun sebenarnye payung kitorang tampal tisu kale hijau kat atas HAHAGAHGAHGA. Pastu nanti nak tampal daun-daun kering and nak dirikan pakai batang penyapu and my vuvuzela!And then nak sprinkle glitter kalau hijau OMG KIUT KAN POKOK AKU KIUT KAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNN.

Lepastu untuk treasure chest kitorang nak balut bakul picnik Una dengan brown paper and then sprinkle gold glitter on top supaye nampak shining-shining and then treasure die bawah tu kitorang gumpal newspaper banyak-banyak and then on the surface taruk chocolate gold coins and pinjam Nulul punya accessories tabur kat atas!

And for the bread selling equipments we're gonna cut up the breads in different shapes or something and put all knives we can find beside the breads and Ezman is gonna sell them!

AND THE BEST PART WILL BE MAKING THEM UP! We're going to put a mustache on Una and Mee because they'll be called Ahmad and Ali in the play duh and Ahmad and Ali has to have mustaches! Oh and prolly cute little goatees too! And then we're gonna draw a beard (I really don't know how this will end up looking like) on Ezman's face and maybe put a mustache too for a good measure so that he'll look, uh, more like a bread saller? How do bread sellers look really? o_O And then for Wafiy we'd prolly just draw a mustache and a goatee too to make him look more grown up.And a turban on his head OMG IT'S GONNA BE SO AWESOMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! I just really love drawing on other people's face, I really do.

I think that's just about everything on the play. I really hope they can memorize most of their lyrics by tonight. Mee, Yunie, Una, Siti, Ezman and Wafiy. Let's kick some drama ass tomorrow! Wish us luck guys :)

Dear you,

2010-09-02T00:54:00.000+08:00

I came across this one one blog that made me think about whether my future husband is going to accept me as a whole, or just love the parts of me that are easy to love. So dear you, I would like you to know that I would never change for you. Yes, I will honestly love you with all my heart if we ever get married but sorry I just cannot and would not change for you.

And by change, I mean to change myself as a whole. I will still wear my tudung bawal after I have married you and my style of dressing will doubtlessly still be my style of dressing. I'm sorry if you would've liked someone who wears a tudung bulat or tudung bawal yang besar tu as your wife. I know that it's a good thing to wear them, but I just cant. Ok I know that I probably can, but then it wouldn't be me. I like myself for who I am right now even though I've made a lot of mistakes because of who I am. But those are the things that will shape me up. The mistakes that I did will make me a better person than the person that I am today.

I will still be wacky and I will still be like how I am right now with my friends (I hope). If you want me to change into a sweet, gentle wife of your dreams I'm sorry I cant. If you can't accept me as I am then I think that it would be better for me if I find somebody else who will and for you to find the girl of your dreams. I'm sorry I can't be the perfect person you want. I could try, but I don't want to turn into someone I'm not. I don't want to be uncomfortable in my own shoes. I want to be me, in and out with the person who can accept me in and out. The person who would be comfortable with every aspect of my behavior no matter how nice or how nasty it might be.

I know that it's still one long hell of a way for us but I just thought that it would be better for me to say it out loud here. I like you, I really really really like you. But if I have to change myself just for the sake of being with you than I think I'll be better off without you because maybe I don't need a guy to come and tame me. Maybe I just need to find somebody just as wild to run alongside me.

Being with you would be a dream come true but if it means not being my own true self than sorry, but I guess I'll take the next bus.

This is a serious and boring update

2010-08-31T21:27:00.000+08:00

I really don't like waking up really late in the afternoon. Mainly because the moment I wake up I'll feel like pissed with everybody for no goddamn reason and the thought of punching people excites me. I'm the kind of person who wakes up grumpy. Heck I think everybody in my family wakes up grumpy. It's in our genes. Definitely. When I and Tyah were in school, we used to give each other the silent treatment until we reached school. We would put on our uniforms in silence, have breakfast in silence and wait for the van in silence.

There was one time when Tyah asked me something like, "Why do we never talk to each other in the morning?" and I truthfully answered, "Prolly because you look really annoying in the morning." Hahahahahahhaha. Really, it's just like that. I don't know what's up with me hating everybody when I just woke up (or when my sleep is disturbed. Most of the time by Naqib. Boy, he sure did get what he deserved. *evil smirk*). It's like PMS all over again. And sometimes it lasts for one whole day. I won't talk much. My mood will be miserable to the power of infinity and I'll give people sarcastic remarks when they say something. It's like whenever I wake up late, I'll be turned into a hard emotionless bitch.

But that depends on the surrounding factor too(?) Say, if my mum was the one who unceremoniously disturbed my sleep, hell yes I'll be pissed but duh she's my mom I can't just release all my inner rage at her right. So it depends on people too lah.

So yesterday I went to bukak puasa at Pizzahut with Yunie, Kartika, Nulul and Naz. Tasha was supposed to join us but then she went out with her boyfriend instead. Tasha -.- I ordered Meal 1 which consists of that small personal pizza (super supreme), soup of the day (mushroom soup) and a glass of carbonated drink. After that we went to Giant because Yunie wanted to buy the stuffs for the props for our drama performance this saturday. Gulp. I won't be acting in it, in case you're wondering. There was a part for me initially but I switched with Ezman because I just don't feel like being a bread seller who yells "KHUBZ! KHUBZ!" in front of a large audience. Plus, I did write the script after all so I think it's okay if I excused myself from being directly involved with the play. But I am still involved with the play lah. I am now a, uh, stage director? I forgot what it's called. But what I have to do is like direct the changing of scenes and when actors have to go in and out of the scenes or whatever.

I pulled an all nighter last night because I wanted to have my sahur dekat kedai pakcik since Ayunie had been promoting the Nasi Goreng Seafood all night long. It did taste good, that I had to admit. But because Yunie cakap kat Pakcik suruh buat extra pedas the old man took it a bit too far and we ended up with a bloody spicy Nasi Goreng. It was so hot and spicy I can almost feel the ignition of fire on my tongue I swear. I think it would've tasted a whole lot nicer if it wasn't that spicy. I also had two french toasts and sekotak air laici. You can guess how bloated I was by Subuh lol.

So today I woke up at 3pm yes, three in the afternoon because I wanted to get enough sleep hahaha. It's not like I can do that at home anyways hence the reason why I am doing it here lol.

Oh and I bought Happy Family, Snap and Old Maid at Giant yesterday! I remembered my conversation with Tra on how much we missed playing the old card games we used to play when we were little. And each of them was only RM1 like wtf so cheap right.

AND I BOUGHT A FRICKIN VUVUZELA HELL YEAH. I mean, cmoonnn. You gotta admit that it's really cool to have your own vuvuzela rightt.

God I love my Vuvuzela.

Tak rugi kalau tak baca

2010-08-28T20:50:00.000+08:00

I can't wait to go back home for raya. Dah menyampah nak muntah dah dudok nilai ni -.- Nanti lepas raya I'll only be staying here for a week for the finals and then cuti dua bulan and off to Gombak woots! Duduk Gombak oke sikit kot sebab ada bus direct pergi KL so senang nak shopping(?)

But I know I'll miss a lot of things here. Kelas dekat gile dekat Nilai ni. Aku blok D, kelas kat block C. Memang dekat gile belakang-belakang je hahahagahga. Kalau bangun lagi 15 minit nak start kelas pun boleh rilek lagi. Tapi tak sempat mandi la hahahagaGAHGhGHHHAGhgahGAHGAHg. Tapi kat main campus nanti kene amek bus ._. MACAMANA KALAU AKU BANGUN LAGI 5 MINIT START KELAS?! jgefjfgkerfgeuguerkfgefgjrhf. Adakah kena amek Rapid KL untuk ke kelas gi kelas kene bayar wtf. Harap-haraaap la sangat dapat Mahallah yang dekat dengan Kuliyyah aku. Tolongla tolongla tolong supaye boleh berjalan ke kelas. Oh and classmates aku pun harap-harap la ade Mee, Yunie, Siti dengan Una lagi. Kalau boleh sampai grad aku nak satu kelas dengan diorang. Sangat best okay :)

Aku adalah sangat boring sekarang ini. Mee balik rumah petang tadi meninggalkan aku keseorang di Nilai isk isk. Haha ok bunyi sangat sedih. Tapi takdela sedih mane pun kan. Berbuka tadi aku beli sangat banyak dari kebiasaan. Aku beli nasik dengan sambal udang and sambal ubi dan tempe(?) lepastu beli popiah goreng singgit (SEDAP SAITON POPIAH NEEEEEEYYYYYYYY LIN SILE MAI KE NILAI KALAU HANG NAK RASE POPIAH GORENG YANG SANGAT SEDAP) dengan tauhu bakar dengan air nenas. Selalunye aku beli satu main course je. Harini rase lapas lain macam isk. Ni tauhu bakar ni aku tak makan lagi. Harap-harap kat membazir :|

Senanye aku tengah buat outline untuk final speech untuk subject Oral Communikesyen. Special Ocassion punye speech. Madam kasi 4 tasks boleh pilih satu. I chose the first one which is bagi tazkirah HAHA tu yang paling simple laa malas dah otak aku nak fike banyak-banyak ney. Yang tu first. Pastu ade book review, award acceptance speech (Emmy's wtf) and the last is jadi emcee. Memanglah rajin pulak haku nak jadi mc ni macam kelakar je hahahagahgahagahga. So aku pilihlah kasi tazkirah.

Tajuk aku Love in Islam comel kan kan kan kaaaaaaaaaaaan. HAH SAPA TIRU TAJUK NI AKU CILI MUKA! Aku memang dah habis idea taktau nak buat tajuk apa so aku msg lah Mak untuk meminta pendapat lalu Mak mereply dengan topik-topik yang lebih sesuai untuk Informative speech seperti baby dumping, social problems etc etc. Lepastu aku tanyalah Meme pulak sebab Meme adalah kakak yang sesuai ditanyakan perkara-perkara seperti ini ~~kalau tanye Tyah dengan Lin mesti dapat jawapan hampeh hahahagahgahgahga~~ pastu Meme suruh aku bukak Iluvislam.com and cari tajuk kat situ ceh pemaleh punye Meme nak tolong pike tajok. Hhagahgahagahgahga.

So aku pun bukak la and dapat ilham kat situ! So sekarang outline aku tinggal nak buat conclusion je Alhamdulillah :) Harap-harap la time bagi speech nanti tak seharom time bagi Informative speech. Aku kureng sikit la kasi speech sorang-sorang ni. Nebes die melebeh lebeyyhhh -.-

Oke lah aku tulis kat sini sebab sangat boring hahagahgaa. Nak pergi type outline! Bye ya'll!

No wonder

2010-08-26T02:45:00.000+08:00

So apparently the pain I've been experiencing due to the stupid crunches I did wasn't because of developing muscles. I'M IN PAIN BECAUSE MY MUSCLES ARE FREAKING INJURED. Or whatever. Ok injured sounds too serious let change it to, umm, hurt. Meme posted a comment on my previous post saying that crunches should be done little by little lah not 300 reps at one go LIKE WHAT NULUL HAD ME DO JHDFGJHAEFGAKERGFKEGRFJHERGFJHEFR NULUL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AND SHE HAD THE GUTS TO SAY THAT MY MUSCLES WERE DEVELOPING WHEN I COMPLAINED ABOUT MY ABDOMINAL PAIN TO HEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRR.

Jaga kau Nulul. Jaga kau.

That's why it's nice having a half pharmacist half doctor sister who reads your blog because she'll know all the stupid shits that you've been doing and she'll offer you health related advices! Which can be really useful thanks Me T_T Or else I would've died from abdominal rupture or something more serious if I went on doing 100 crunches every night srhjfgjergferkfr. I think I'll take a rest from crunches until my abdominal pain recedes and then I'll start again. ONLY THIS TIME I'LL START WITH 10 INSTEAD OF 100 HDJFVJKSHERGFJKHERGFJKEGRFJKEWGTRTGRTG. Yesterday I only managed to do about 50 crunches because the pain was unbearable. But then Tasha was all like, "Eh aku tak rase saket pon apehal kau rase sakit aku buat sampai sepuluh takde rase lenguh pun" MEMANGLAH TASHA KAU DAH SELALU BUAT AKU NI BARU TIGA HARI BUAT JFGJKERGFKEJRGFKE.

Ok kena berhenti rasa geram kat Tasha dengan Nulul tak elok untuk abdomen yang tercedera hagahgahagahgahgahaghag.

Aku baru submit term paper tadi. Takut gila nak submit takut ada salah aku tak perasan lalu kena cek 634282 kali sebelum tekan butang submit haha. Aku benci citing sources. Kalau in-text citation tahan lagi. Ni kalau kene cite yang nak taruk dalam bibliography tu. SUSAH KOMPLIKETET HAROM AKU DENGAN MEE TERCEGAT DEPAN LAPTOP NI GOOGLE CARA NAK CITE APA STYLE TAK JUMPA-JUMPA JRGFJWEKFGWEJ3FGERJGUF,ERG. Last-last kitorang ikut je cara satu website ni yang gaya macam boleh dipercayai. Leceh tau cite ni. Kalau lupa letak satu titik pun kira salah hdegfujergfjefgke3ryfyfeu. Aku tak berkenan betul kat benda-benda detail macamni -_-

Ok nak dekat 3 pagi dah ni mengantuk gila aku dahlah semalam satu malam tak tidur harini aku baru tidur 3 jam I NEED 10 MORE HOURS BARU BERTENAGA HAHAGAHGAHGAHAGAGHAGAH NAGA GEDDIT GEDDIT kbye.

Hey Y'all!

2010-08-24T22:01:00.000+08:00

My stomach hurts like hell. Err, my abdomen in particular. Anyways, did you know that the correct spelling for abs is actually abds? Because it comes from the word abdomen right so, yeah. I found out about this while googling on the correct way to do sit-ups. eheheheheheheheehhehe. Seriously laaa I hate looking at my flabs after bukak puasa. They look so monstrous T_T Even Mee said the sight of my stomach freaks her out. Which isn't very flattering -.-

So I've been doing sit-ups two nights in a row yay me! The first night was with Ayunie sebab saje gatal nak cube haahhahgahaga. The sit-ups that we did were..umm well, you could say it was the full sit-up? I don't know the exact word for it but it's the kind of sit-up when you baring and then bangun and then fully baring and then fully bangun. Which can be very very very VERRRYYYYYY VERYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY tiring. Baru sampai 4 dah mengah ape cer? Hahahahahahgahgahag.

So then last night Nulul thought me to do crunches. Which is macam sit up but you only go half-way down and then back up again. This one I can do until one hundred :DD

But when I woke up for sahur this morning HAHA ok tipu terlepas sahur. When I woke up for subuh (jangan tanya pukul brapa JANGAN TANYA PUKUL BRAPA) my abdomen huuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrttttttttsssssssssssss so baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaddddddddddddddddddddddd T_______________T I felt like there was some creature trying to dig it's way out from my stomach YES IT REALLY FELT THAT WAY. And it still does HU.

Nak bangun dari pembaringan(?) sakit nak baring sakit nak tunduk sakit nak terima tumbukan orang sakit(?) memang sakitlaaahh the conclusion!

Malam ni aku taktau nak buat lagi ke tak. Nurul cakap kena buat 300 times per day for a month baru boleh dapat washboard abs WTF 300 TIMES WTF WTF WTF. Aku taktaula sakit ni sebab muscle tengah nak membentuk ke ape kan tapi macam serious rase taknak buat dah malam nnnnniiiiiiiiiiiiiiii. Tapi kalau sakit-sakit badan lepas vigorous exercise tu tandenye nak jadi tough kaaan HAHAHAHHA. Masa PLKN dulu hari-hari buat starjump 756382764 kali sebab asyik kena denda dorm kotor ada muscle siot kaki aku ADA MUSCLE KERAS TAKDE JELI-JELI DAH OKAYY. Tangan pun ade muscle (betul ke term ade muscle ni. Ke orang panggil tough? ._.) sebab hari-hari berus baju dengan penuh semangat. Tapi tangan kanan jela ade muscle sebab takleh nak berus baju pakai tangan kiri tak biase hgehgehegehgehgehgeehgege.

Harap-harap jela sakit perut ni sebab nak tumbuh(?) muscle kat perut. SEMARRRTT GILA PERUT AKU NANTI WOOTS!

Ok wadehel cakap pasal perot kat sini end of story byebye.

On a much HAPPIER note, I'm staying in Nilai, AGAIN for the weekend because my CCT lecturer SUDDENLY had the genius of all geniuses punye idea untuk buat kuiz hari sabtu WTH?! WTH WTH WTH WTH WTH WTH WTH WTH. I was sooooooooo looking forward to going back home this weekend because all my assignments are done :( But now kenot la have to stay at Nilai bikos sadenly got dis dem kuiz wan. Cheeeeeeeeeeeza totelli cheeesee.

Anyways harini dapat markah midterm kempete and I FRIGGIN PASSED WOOTS! Serious aku ingat dapat 20 je ke ape ok dah sangat cuak sebab haritu kuiz kempete aku tak blaja dapat 2/20 HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Serious aku gelak tengok markah aku like how is it humanly possible to get such low marks? Like my 0.7 pointer during my first sem HAHAHAHAHAAHHA. But that's a whole different story because bioscience sucked balls and I hate that damned course to bits and bits and piecesssssssssssssssssssssssssssss. *pokes bioscience with a sharp stick*

Setakat ni yang tak dapat markah CCT je -.- entah dah habis tanda belum Tok Bah tu hahahagahgahag. But it's okay lah. I understand the guy he's like 63 kot tadi pun he came into the class like 20 minutes late and asked us, "Why aren't you in class number 8?" walaupun memang hari selasa class kat C-1-23 kesian Tok Bah dah lupa T_T

And haritu Nulul cerita Tok Bah cakap dalam her kelas, "Saye akan berhenti mengajar bile satu pagi saye bangun and I've forgotten everything." LIKE SUMPAH LAH SEDIH GILA HAKU DENGAR KAAAAANNN :rasa nak nangis pun ada isk. Takpalah Tok Bah. Sebab you sangat comel macam atuk and sebab you're a really nice lecturer redha jelah stay Nilai this week. Hehe.

And next week is like the last week of the semester like WHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAATT? Honestly aku rasa semester ni macam laju gilaaaaaaaaaaaaaa dooooooohh. This week that week this week that week tetiba TARA! FINAL! Ok scary sikit part final tu tapi serious macam cepat gile sem ni macam short sem le pulok. Hahaha.

Eniwes 2x nah tengok markah mid sem aku kecuali CCT sebab tak dapat lagi.

Grammar : 16.77/20
Drama : 13/20
Oral Com : 16.5/20
Intro to HS : 18.5/20
Computer : 34.5/55
BTQ : HAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAKU SEGAN BETUL NAK BAGITAU YANG NI TAKYAH TAULAH HAHAHAHAHAAGAHGAHGAHGA. Ok fine aku bagitau 8/20 HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA HUDUH KAANNN.

Ok takdelah cantik mane pon markah aku yang nak tayang tu tapi oke lah jugak HAGHAGAHAGAG. BTQ TU MEMANG AKU TAK BLAJA SEBAB TU MARKAH HUDUH HEGEHGEHEGEGEHGEEGEHG. Ceh kau markah elok nak tayang markah buruk segan pulak tau pon lenkali blaja senonoh sket huh.

Panjang betul yaw post kali ni. Okelah dah pukul sepuluh malam nak pergi mandi BYE YALL!

Arrghhhhh

2010-08-23T03:11:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I really really wish that I was 25 years old so that I can get married and get the whole damn thing over with. Peer pressure is really getting the best of me. Everyday I'm faced with stories by my friends telling me how sweet their boyfriends were to them or what their boyfriends gave them or how joyful it was to spend their weekend with their boyfriend or whatever. I am honestly sick of all those shits circulating in my brain for godknows how many days making me feel more and more miserable by the minute.

SO WHAT IF I DON'T HAVE A FRIGGIN BOYFRIEND?

Ok I know that as a friend I must be a good listener and listen to everything that my friends tell me. But c'mooonn. It's not like I'm a robot ok. I have feelings too. And don't you think by telling me all those sugar coated stories I wouldn't be influenced to want to have a boyfriend too? (Not that anybody would want to be my boyfriend but, you know) I'm trying as as best as I can right now to save up myself for my husband. I don't want to be intimate with any guys even as friends because I know I might end up being a lot more than friends. I want my husband to be the first lelaki ajnabi to hold my hand, to share a kiss with me. I want my husband to have the first everything.

I'm very much aware of the fact that my Iman isn't that strong and I'm not such a religious person myself. And I'm not saying this is a I'm-proud-that-I'm-not-religious tone but rather in a I-hope-I'll-be-a-lot-more-religious-in-the-fture tone. I don't know it's just that sometimes I feel that it's so hard being me. Being in my shoes. Feeling what I'm feeling. I know that there are a lot of people out there who are doing a lot more worse that I am but still, I'm getting really sick of all this.

I'm sick of not having a boyfriend like everyone else, I'm sick of not being attached to my phone like everyone else does, I'm sick of not having anyone to talk to when I feel like talking to someone who doesn't consider me as only a friend. Yes, I'll say it here out loud. There have been a lot of times in which I wish that I have a boyfriend too, just like everybody else. I know this may sound really stupid and insignificant to some people because there are other far more important issues to deal with out there but that's just how I really feel right now. It's so hard being me. I honestly think that I repel men. Nobody is attracted to me. You may say that I'm still young and it doesn't really matter if nobody is attracted to me but TO ME IT DOES OK. IT FRICKING DOES. It gives a boost to my self confidence in a sense that I know that I'm nice enough to have a guy like me. But nooooooooooooooooo, here I am in Loser Ville with nobody but myself. Alone. Without anybody in the same boat.

Sometimes I really wish that all my friends are single. That everyone is like me. Single and men-repelling. That's quite a nice thought. But of course that would be possible because most of my friends aren't single. And even if they are, they have scandals or whatever you call them. BUT ME? I DONT EVEN HAVE ONE FRICKIN SCANDAL!!

Not that I want to have a scandal but it would be nice lah to know that at least one human being is into you. Somehow.

And the fact that the people I like never like me back is really bugging me. I mean, I know I'm not the hotshit kind of attractive but like WTH NOT EVEN ONE GUY? Am I really that ugly? T_T

Sigh. You should know though that I'm not promoting myself or looking for a boyfriend here or writing this hoping that my crush will suddenly reciprocate my feelings or something. It's just that I feel that it's so hard to deal with on a frickin daily basis. You hear the same shit all day long and you just kind of think ,"Awwww I wish somebody would do that to meeee." or "How come nobody says that to mee" or whatever. I don't want a boyfriend right now. Really, I don't. The next guy I'm getting serious with will be the one I'm marrying. So I'll prolly have to keep my sanity until my fourth year in university before I can find a husband for myself. So that means that I'll have to keep up with this shit for another FOUR YEARS WTF SO LONG LAH I'LL DIE A VIRGIN THENN.

Okay 4 years isn't THAT long right? I mean, it'll just be like umm, 48 months. And 192 weeks. Which is also equal to 70080 DAYS WTTTTFFFFFFFFF SO FRIGGIN LOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNGGGGGG.

Dear God please help me get through all this all right. I want my husband to be my first everything please please pleaasssseeeeeeeeeee!

PEYIDEM

2010-08-22T05:19:00.000+08:00

It's 0509am and I'm still awake. Well, it's obvious that I should be awake because of sahur. But this is the I-haven't-slept-all-friggin-night kind of awake. So I was up all night trying to finish up my critical thinking assigment which was comparing the barriers from the western and islamic perspective. We had to compare five barriers from each and we also had to write up until 10 pages. wtf rightttt. But then our lecturer said that the font was to be Times New Roman, 14 (YES, FOURTEEN) and DOUBLE SPACING LIKE WTFF THAT WAS LIKE TELLING US TO WRITE A FRIGGIN FIVE PAGE TERM PAPER YEAAAAAAAHH. Seriously, double spacing kot. 1.5 pon macam dah perghh perghhh bersyukur gila nihhh apetah lagi double spacing HOHOHOHOHOHO!

Eniwes, harini dah 12 Ramadhan dah. CEPAT GILA KE HAPA? ~~LAGI 18 HARI RAYA YEYEYEYEYEYEYEYEYYEYEYEYE~~ sekejap je lagi nak Syawal isk isk. Btw sekarang ni aku tengah bersahur makan biskut oat krunch yang sangat sodap tadi dah makan megi HAHAHA sangat mewah sahur harini sebab gua bangun awal aka tak tidur langsung tu yang banyak masa boleh rajen gi buat megi tu hagahgahga. Kalau tak memang aku bangun, kunyah dua keping biskut, minum air mineral sikit pastu sambung tidur memang tak kuasalah nak gi masak megi pulak kaaann.

Makan megi tadi pulak berpiuh-piuh haku cari sudu besar tak jumpa pulaaaaak. Aku tak suka makan megi pakai sudu kecikk. Tak dapat nak sauk kuah berajinomoto die tu banyak-banyak hegehgeheghegehgeheghehheg.

Lega gila la dah siap semua assignment. Calc dah, CCT dah, Drama punye term papar dah, grammar punye project dah. Memang rasa macam nak menari bogel tengah padang sebab sangat gembira HOHOHOHOHGAHGAHEGEHGAHDJFFFFEGRFKEJRGHEFRRMFG. Ok jakgi masuk subuh dah nak pegi solat di awal waktu boboi.

Lame gila aku ni

2010-08-15T23:41:00.000+08:00

Tetiba aku rasa cam aku manusia paling lame dalam dunie sebab barang-barang aku smue lame.

Beg yang aku pakai pegi kelas kelas adalah bag yang Mak dapat free beli barang-barang mekap. Kan kalau beli set-set adelaa die kasi free gift bag ke pouch ke ape kan? Ha beg macamtulah yang aku pakai gi kelas sekarang. Tak mampula aku nak beli Coach ke, LV ke Elle ke pakai gi kelas. Kapcai gile beg aku. Beg ni pun aku pakai sebab beg kelas aku yang lama dah koyak rabak sana sini. Aku kalau pakai barang memang aku pakai sampai rosak teruk habis buruk. Beg kelas yang tu pun aku beli kat KL Central je. RM35. Yang polkadot tuuu. Sumpah sayang gila ah aku kat beg tu. Tapi dah koyak-koyak. Nampak macam sedih sangat je pakai beg koyak-koyak gi kelas. Hu.

Pencil box aku pun dapat free beli barang-barang mekap jugak. Aku sayang gila pencilbox tu. Warna hotpink yaw. hahahahahahahaha. Tapi peduli la. Pencilbox tu cantik bagi aku. Hahahahah. Purse aku pun macam dah burok gaban gile. Dalamdie dah tekoyak-koyak. Yunie menyampah betul tengok purse tu sampai die cakap "Jangan sampai aku beli purse baru kat kau" HAHAHAHAHAHA. Sungguh menyampah Ayunie dengan purse aku sampai sanggup membelanjakan duitnya sendiri untuk beli purse baru(?)

Selain itu juga, baju aku memang ada dua tiga helai je yang ada brand yang dikenali. Yang lain harom tak pernah dengar hahahaha. Aku suka shopping online ni pun dekat pre-loved punya blogshops. Maksudnya baju-baju 2nd hand. Kalu blogshop yang jual baju-baju baru tak mampulah aku. Harga mahal tak masuk akal. Aku ni pun bukannye kaye sangat boleh beli baju baru hari-hari. Sebab tu aku suka beli pre-loved punya baju. Cantik, murah pulak tu. Bab orang dah pernah pakai tu pedulilah. Kau baru dapat basuh dulu baru pakai. Dah jadi baju kau kan? Hahaha.

Kalau ada barang-barang aku yang agak branded tu pun bukan aku beli sendiri. Mesti parents aku beli. Takpun kakak aku. Kalau aku nak beli sendiri harom la. Lagipun aku bukannye dapat allowance macam orang lain. Sebulan sampai RM500. Aku bila perlu baru aku mintak duit dekat parents aku. Aku tak suka mintak banyak-banyak pun. Rasa bersalah pulak. hohoho. Padahal duit guna nak makan -_-

Most of my friends bila dah dapat scholarship pun parents still bagi duit lagi. Aku ni bila dah dapat memangla tak dapat duit langsung T_T Bila dah habis memangla diorang bagi duit balik tapi tapi tapi mestila macam rasa guilty nak habeskan cepat-cepat sebab nanti kena mintak duit lagi kan. Sigh. Sekarang ni pun scholar aku dah tinggal RM450. Seminggu kurang-kurang pakai RM50. Nanti cuti kalau kawan ajak keluar takkan nak mintak duit dekat parents kot? Aku nak kerja takboleh, aku nak save duit scholar nanti tak makan pulak. Dilemma gila T_T

Hmm apa lagi nak cerita pasal diri aku yang sangat lame ni. Haa. Masa pergi PLKN dulu kan ade cuti 4 hari tu kan. Aku ikut Tasha balik Lahad Datu and dekat sana hari jumaat ADA BUNDLE HEAVEN! Diorang panggil bundle tu rombengan hoho. Tapi bundle diorang bukan cikai-cikai yaw. Aku tengok label die macam baju mahal-mahal je lepastu Tasha cakap bundle die dari overseas. Entahlah dari mana TAPI SERIOUS MEMANG MURAH GILA cardigan cantik-cantik RM1 WTF??!!?!!! Memangla aku beli banyak gila T-shirt cardigan etc etc tak sampai RM20 pun kot aku spend.

Nampak tak kenapa aku suka beli baju rombengan? :B

Alah lagipun bukan orang tau tu baju baru je baju lame ke. Bila dah beli tu kau basuh cuci-cuci and it's as good as new. Tapi bila orang tanya beli katmana tu nak jawab kena buat muka kambeng sikit ah sebab most people kan selalu pandang slack sikit dengan baju-baju bundle ni. Baju je pun, rilek la -.- Yelah bukan semua orang kaya macam kau every week boleh pergi beli baju kat F21 la, Zara la, Topshop la, MNG la apa la. Kau hidup senang memangla boleh. Cuba consider orang kurang senang macam aku ni? Ceit.

Bukanlah nak cakap aku ni macam cheapskate gile ke ape tapi when I have a cheaper alternative then why nak beli yang mahal dan branded yaw? Ok maybe orang cakap lebih kualiti blablablabla but seriously -_- Aku adalah manusia yang paling tak heran pasal brand. Tapi aku suka masuk kedai-kedai macamtu sebab aku suka try baju yang aku takboleh pakai in real life macam skinnies, PVC leggings, tight skimpy dresses etc etc. It makes me feel that my dream has come true :B Nak beli tu memang harom la kaan dahla mahal cam rehejrgfewfrfhvrjhrkv kalau pakai berdosa pulak tu HahagHAGgahGHAGAHghagHGAH.

Tapi setak beli-tak beli baju branded pun aku rasa sense of fashion aku takdalah lorat sangat. Takpalah tak dapat berfashion hebat-hebat pun asalkan tutup aurat kan :)

This post contains a lot of ugly pictures. Be warned

2010-08-15T03:10:00.000+08:00

Ok serious lambat gila post ni baru nak tunjuk gambar. But I did say I'll post the pictures and since I'm really free right now after having completed my outline for persuasive speech and my handout for BTQ and the grammar exercise. I AM SO FREE I'M GONNA DIEEEEEE

Ok so pictures.

Abang bebi yang ketegaq nak mampoih.

The fat birthday boy, sleeping.

Fat birthday boy with Grandpa.

Random picture of ugly brother setting up barbeque table(?)

FFFFFFFFFFOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

Plain agar-agar for the cocktail.

Ugly brother acting like he's gonna jam in the nails with his bare hands -.-

Ugly brother resulted to using a hammer instead wtf.

For teh koktel.

18sx. Hahahaha.

Cikinn.

Lopeh!

Prawns!

Obvious captions wtf.

Table with yummy food on it.

Lopeh summore.

Seriousshit malas gila nak tarok caption -_-

I look like an abused person. And my nose looks humongous ._.

Things to barbeque.

Ugly people produce ugly pictures :| Seriously I look like a transvestite here wtf

Semua muka takmandi lagi/

Takboleh loading lagi ._.

Gedebabs.

Cousins. Mugay poyo gila taknak orang amek gamba die malam tu -_-

GOTCHA MUGAY!

adakah tangan aku tengah mengipas barbeku dari jauh ._.

K.fizah's side of the family. Totally random.

BTW TENGOK MUKA AYAH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA

All these pictures of food are making me hungry :B

Coleslaw! :D

Quarterly(?) eaten cake.

Sworn enemies lol look at Ainaa's expression.

This kid definitely has my genes.

This is so candid.

MUGAY WE CAUGHT YOU ON CAMERA AGAIN!

I am trying to make a strong point I think. Mugay muka mintak kaki hahahahahaha.

Kuzin and ugly sister. I look pretty normal eh :)

K.Fizah looks so fat lolwtf.

MUAZ PALM FACING HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. I mean Mugay.

This is a very rare scene, trust me.

The I'll-make-a-good-wife-see-I'm-wiping-the-table-clean look.

TYAH LOOKS SO RETARDED I JUST HAVE TO PUT THIS ONE UP HAHAHAAAGAHGAHGAGAGHA. I look so obedient wtf.

AINAA'S EXPRESSION IS PRICELESS. Lin looks equally retarded ._.

He kept doing that whenever I tried to snap his picture it's so annoying I swear -.-

And that guy beside Muaz is Sakif. He's a family friend. He and his siblings are very nice. Friendly and everything. I don't feel awkward at all around them eventhough most of them are boys. Good company :)

Wtf right -_- GET OVER IT MUGAY YOU'RE NOT A FRICKIN CELEBRITY AND IT'S NOT LIKE I'M GONNA SELL YOUR PICTURE OR WHATEVER.

There's the rest. The girl in purple is Elisya, the one in specs in Nabil and the small one(?) is Qayum. They were obsessing about the lame games on Lin's iPhone -.-

AINAA IS PICKING HER NOSE BTW HAHAHAHAHAHAHHA.

And here Ainaa, is a close up picture of you because I love you so much HAHAHAHAGAHGAAGHAGAHGAHGAHAGAHG

What..?

Belon face.

Another photo of them ogling at the iPhone.

And I shall end this long pictured post with a picture of the birthday boy.

Happy 1st birthday Nazif! Auntie Kah loves you very much yaw ♥

Pasal budak-budak dan makbapak

2010-08-13T17:00:00.000+08:00

Aku rasa jaga sekandang, no make that tiga kandang lembu gila pun lagi senang dari jaga si Naqib ni. ANNOYING GILA TAHAP ANNOYING DIA BOLEH BUAT KAU MAMPUSSSSS. He won't listen to what I say, he won't respond until I've called him like thirty thousand times AND HE KEEPS DOING THINGS THAT YOU FRIGGIN TOLD HIM NOT TO DO!!

Sapa nak kurus meh datang rumah aku jaga Naqib. Konpem seminggu turun berat badan korang. Dengan nak kejar lari sane sininye, dengan liat nak mandinye dengan degilnye YA KARRRIIIIMMMMMMM. Salah satu benda yang konfem die akan buat adalah lari bogel selepas mandi. LEPASTU KAU KENE KEJA PULAK DENGAN TUALA KAT BELAKANG SAMBIL JERIT "HOIII JANGAN LARILAAAHHH LICIN TU JATOH NANTI WOOOOIIIIIIIIIIIIII" and sometimes, when he does fall and cry his heart out kena pujuk pulaaakkk HAKU DAH CAKAP JANGAN LARI KAU DEGIIIIILLLLLLLLLL !$%^&^$#@^&^%$#@#$%^!!!!!!

Serious, stress gila jaga budak-budak ni. Mak aku macam rilek je jaga aku taktaula kenapa. Maybe umur aku ni bukan umur sesuai menjaga budak? Haehgeheghegegegeghegehgehgegeheg. Tapi jaga Nazif macam senang sikit la. Sebab still tak boleh jalan, lari, lompat lagi kan. Tapi merangkaka die tu laju jugak, kene keja jugak -.- Sekarang hobi die merangkak naik tangga. So mak aku taruk bulu ayam kat tangga sebab die geli dengan bulu ayam so die tak naik hegehgehaghagahgehgahgahg. Tapi makin lama macam makin tak geli je ._.

Kalau dah lama tak jumpa budak dua orang ni memang rindu gila sebab tak ada orang annoying dalam rumah. Taaaaappppppppppppppppppiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii bila dah jumpa sure rasa nak balik Nilai taknak balik rumah dah. Ni la orang kata jauh bau bunga dekat bau taik. Betul la tu -_- Ni Naqib tengah atas katil haku chanting "Sulanan sulanan sulanan" tiga ribu kali godknows what that means.

Jaga dua orang ni buat aku terfikir macamana kalau aku dah ada anak nanti. Harap harap sejuta kali harap sangat tak degil macam naqib. KALAU DEGIL MEMANG HAKU BELI SATU STORE PENUH BULU AYAM DENGAN ROTAN HAAHGAHGAHAGHAGAHGAHGAHGA. Aku nak besarkan anak aku macamana mak bapak aku besarkan aku. Nak manja boleh, tapi manja-manja sangat rosakla kau nanti. Dah besar tak hormat makbapak, tengking makbapak, melawan, kurang ajar. Tula jadi kalau manjakan sangat anak. Tapi janganla pulak sampai jadi macam nazi dengan anak kau. Sekali sekala takpala. Do it in moderation bebeh.

Bukanlah nak bangga tapi adik beradik aku serious semua respek habis dekat makbapak kitorang. Kalau aku buat pape mesti aku fikir makbapak aku. Kalau diorang tau ape perasaan diorang. Tu je yang aku fikir. Kalau result aku klua pun. Time aku study pun. Makbapak makbapak makbapak ♥

Sampai satu malam ni, masatu world cup lagi. Lin ajak aku dengan Tyah pegi isi minyak kereta tapi die nak tengok satu match ni dulu. Match tu pulak habis pukul 1130 ke 1230 am tah. Tapi macam lambat laa. Kitorang pulak memang bukan jenis klua malam kalau kat rumah. Lepas match tu habis kitorang pun siap-siap la nak pegi isi minyak. Aku ikut sebab nak slurpee Tyah ikut sebab nak udara malam yang segar wtf aku ingat lagi hahagahaghagahgahgahag. Lepastu dah siap la ni, turun bawah dah amek kunci dah pun tetibe kitorang cam, "Eh betul ke nak pegi ni." "Tapi tak bagitau Ayah." "Ala isi minyak je" "Kalau start kreta nanti Ayah dengaq macamane?" So last-last kitorang tak jadi pergi sebab rasa tak comfortable klua tak bagitahu makbapak hehegeeghegehgehgeheghege.

Aku serious tak paham macamana orang boleh sneak out dari rumah pepagi buta. Kalau makbapak korang tau tak kene belasah ke? Erk. Aku pun pernah je kluar tak bagitahu makbapak. Tapi tu kat Nilai la. Kalau pergi Giant pun pejadah nak bagitau kan -.- Tapi kat rumah tak pernah la. Takut siot. Hehehehe.

Eh tetiba jadi panjang pulak. Dahlah tu aku nak gi sambung buat outline persuasive speech ni. Harom jadah betul. Naqib dah berdengkur atas katil btw. Hahahhahagahga.

I wrote a letter for you! :)

2010-08-05T01:37:00.002+08:00

www.letterstocrushes.com

I hope you'll read it ~~and freak out lol~~

Sup Yaw

2010-08-03T21:03:00.000+08:00

Tak nyenyak betol aku tido malam tadi. Dahlah aku tido tengah. Sasa dengan Qlah tido senget pulak APAHAAAAAAAAAAAAALL memang ah aku rase sempit gile setiap 3.635427 saat terjage kan. Lepastu sebab kitorang macam gabong due katil and tido melentang, so katil belah bawah tu macam tend to tetibe londeh(?) so bile tebangon tetengah malam ade jarak aa pulak antare dua katel tu kan. aku gerak nak suruh angkat kaki sebab aku nak tarik balik degil due orang tu. Tido macam ape ke -.-

On a bitter note, aku puasa lagi harini. And kalau aku puase mood aku jadi buruk gile cam harom sebab aku LAPAR DAN PENAT DAN SAKIT KEPALA DAN PERUT RASA CAM TERBAKAR SAMPAI AKU RASA NAK ROBEK-ROBEK DENGAN PISAU PEROT AKU TU KASI MASUK ANGIN SEJUK SKET. Parah gila. Kemuncak mood buruk aku adalah bila lapar, penat dan sakit kepala. Kalau kau cari pasal dengan aku time tu memang aku kasi free kick. Serious, cubela. Tapi kalau bulan Ramadhan aku puase takdela bad mood pon. Maybe sebab orang lain puasa sama? Entahla.

Ahad ni aku pergi Maimunah kawen omg awal gile die kawen harut aku cakap dengan parents aku "Mak, nanti nak pegi kawan Tkah kawen boleh?" And my mum was like "Kawan hang brapa taon?" So I told her "Smilan bleh" PASTU MENGUCAP MAK AKU HAHAHAGAHGAGAHAGHAGAHAHAGHAGAHGA! Lepastu mak aku cakap lagi, "Awat awai sangat die kawen? Masak kemeh rumah semue tau ke tu?" Pastu tetibe Lin menyampuk, "Entah-entah kawan die smue dah reti masak gulai dah pon Ma. Tkah tu je yang tekiai-kiai"

KUAJA BETOL LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

Siap korang aku masak kari ikan suatu hari nanti jangan terkejut pulak. HUH!

Oh lupa nak cakap kat bakal suami (tetibe gile wth) awak kena tau makan kari ok. Kalau lagi best, jadikan kari ikan tu fevret awak sebab saya memang takleh hidop tanpa kari ikan ye and kemungkinan besar bende pertame yang akan saye blaja masak adalah kari ikan(??) hikhik hikhik. Oh awak jugak kene suke rasem, dalca, nasi briyani, katrika karwade (iaitu kari ikan masin YANG NI SUMPAH FEVRETTT) dan lain-lain lagi masakan mamak because I can't live without theemmm padahalu asek nak mengharapkan Mak yang masak huh gi lah blaja masak sendiri nate mu.

P/s: awak menghilang ke mana yaw?

Rrrrrrumah

2010-07-30T20:19:00.000+08:00

Esok exam computer at 9 am dekat MPN Hall. Aku tak start belaja pun lagi. Harini takde mood betul nak belaja. Sebab hari jumaat kan. Tengok semue orang angkut beg kelua dorm, turun bawah tunggu teksi nak pegi KTM. Takpun mak bapak datang amek. Rasa macam nak raya dah(??)

Hhagahaghagahga padahal esok aku balik kan YES YES YESSSSSSSSSSS AKHIRNYA SETELAH NAK DEKAT TIGA MINGGU AKU TAK PULANG KE PANGKAL JALAN! Rindu gila dua-dua ahmad dekat rumah tu can't wait to see theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeemmmmmm :D

Lagi satu reason sebab sangat excited nak balik rumah ialah because I want to be there when Ayah is given his new phone!

Disebabkan handphone lama Ayah sudah tersangat parah iaitu bila orang call memang tak dengar etc etc, maka kami adik-beradik memutuskan (sebenanye Mak yang suruh hagahgaga) untuk membeli handphone baru kepada Ayah as a birthday gift! So haritu dapat msg dari Lin suruh masuk RM110 dalam account dia sebab phone tu RM660 so sorang kena bagi RM110 huu aku baru je dapat scholar time tu huu T_T

Tapi lepastu teringat akan Ayah yang sangat baik selalu masukkan duti bila aku dah takda duit tanpa berkira satu sen pun dan otometik aku mengeji diri sendiri sebab separa berkira nak sumbang RM110 untuk beli handphone dekat Ayah. Anak apa aku ni RM110 je pon nak kecohhh hish.

For you Ayah, I would spend my whole RM1000++ scholarship :D

Cehceh pegi spend smua duit scholarship kau untuk Ayah tengok sanggup ke taaak hahahahahgahagahga ok serious anak tak guna aku ni ._.

Tak sabar gila nak sampai rumah esok rindu rumah rindu bumbung rumah rindu pintu rumah rindu tangga rumah rindu meja makan kat rumah rindu jamban rumah tapi yang paling rindu sekali mestila orang-orang kat rumah tu :)

MAK ESOK MASAK NASIK KERABU DENGAN DAGING BAKAR DENGAN BUDU BOLEH THANKS EH MAK LOVE YOU MUAH XOXOXOXOXOXOXO.

I wanna go hooowwwwwmmmmm

2010-07-25T13:07:00.000+08:00

Me: Salam Yah. I miss you :)

Ayah: We miss you already and we keep talking about you.

I ♥ my mum and dad.

Subsequently,

2010-07-25T01:42:00.000+08:00

I like him.

No you don't.

Yes I do.

How do you know you like him?

I..don't know. I just do.

You can't just like someone like that. There has to be a reason.

Why must there be a reason for everything? Why can't I just like him?

Because everything happens for a reason. There is a reason for everything.

What if I say I don't know why I like him?

Then it means that you don't like him. He's just a normal crush.

No he's not. I wanna spend my whole life with him.

Yet you don't know why you like him?

I told you. I don't need a reason to like him. You can't explain love. It just happens.

No it doesn't. You love someone reasonably. For example, because he's good looking.

He is good looking I suppose.

So you're after him for his looks?

No I'm not.

So then what? His money?

No. I'm not that kind of girl. I don't go after people just because they're good looking and they have money.

Oh really?

Yes.

Why, then? why are you so into him? I can't see whats so inviting.

That's because you don't feel for him like I do.

So I have to like him first and then I'll know why you're so into him?

It doesn't work like that.

How does it work then?

I just..like him. End of story.

No it's not the end of the damn story. Why huh?

I DON'T KNOW OKAY? I DON'T KNOW.

How can you like someone without knowing why you like them?

Like I said, love happens.

You've never even met him.

So?

So it's impossible to like somebody without meeting them first.

Says who?

Everybody knows that.

No they don't. You know why? Because they've never experienced this kind of feeling. The kind of feeling that can make you just sit and think about him all day long. Even without a picture. Yes, especially without a picture.

What does a picture have to do with this?

Isn't it an acceptable social norm to look at your significant others photo whenever you miss them?

Yeah, so?

So I'm saying that, that's not the kind of feeling that I have for him. I'm not chasing him for the looks. I just.. like him.

You're not making sense.

That's because people like you just don't get people like me. You and your unthinkable logic. Why is it that there has to be a reason for everything? Is it abnormal for things just to happen?

Like what? Babies that 'just happened' to be delivered by their mothers?

That's not my point.

THEN WHAT IS?

What I'm saying is, that sometimes, you just kind of fall into things without meaning to do so. You didn't plan for it to happen. It just..did.

Like unplanned pregnancies?

NO YOU DUPE! LIKE LOVE! LOVE LOVE LOVE!

You're pathetic. All you think about is love.

So what if I do?

There is more to life than love. You're acting as if love is the only thing that makes the world go around. Love is just something minor that happen a few times in your life. It's nothing important.

So that's your view on love?

Well, not really. But-

No wonder you don't get the message that I've been trying to convey to you all this time. You perceive love as something invaluable. Something that comes and goes. Something that doesn't last. Something you do not see the worth of.

That's absurd.

No that's not. That's exactly how you look at love.

No it's not. I'm just trying to say tha-

What? What exactly are you trying to say?

Why are we talking about this anyway? As I can recall, we were talking about your so-called significant other before you starts garbling.

He is not my significant other?

Oh? I thought you liked him?

Liking him doesn't make him my significant other.

And how does it do that?

Well, umm..he..doesn't kno-

HE DOESN'T KNOW THAT YOU LIKE HIM?

You don't have to shout.

Holy cow! I though you two were an item already! The way you kept talking about all that liking people for no reason and all the other shits.

I don't want us to be an item.

Then WHAT do you want to be?

I..well, umm..

This is absurd.

NO IT'S NOT! I just don't wanna start it in a wrong way okay?!

What wrong way?

The 'being an item' way.

How is that wrong?

Oh don't give me that 'how is that wrong' shit. You KNOW it's wrong.

I do, but-

But what huh? But because all the other people are doing it you're automatically given the divine blessing to do the same thing too? You people are so screwed up. Love is not something cheap you lunge around to every boy you can find. Love is something sacred. Something that you give with all your heart to that person you love.

You think, like my grandmother. "Love is scared. yada yada yada." Boring shit. Who the hell cares whether love is sacred or not. The important thing is to have fun. You only live once after all.

You think like a 3 year old. No, make that a 3 MONTH old.

I don't get you. Why don't you just do what everybody is doing? Get together and have fun!

I happen to be the kind of person who sticks to her principles.

So? Rules are meant to be broken. That applies to principles too.

No it doesn't.

Yes it does.

If you don's have any life principles you'd be screwed.

Whatever.

I think I don't have any other things to say to you.

You still haven't told me why you like him.

Can you stop with that already?

I'll keep nagging you.

I don't care. I'm not telling you something I don't know. But I'll tell you this, Love is not something you can put into a list.

Yes you can.

How?

Like, you love him because he's tall, dark, sexy, handsome, macho, debonair, per-

AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!

Here's the catch,

2010-07-24T01:50:00.000+08:00

I will tell you I like you only and ONLY IF somebody can guarantee that the feeling is mutual between us.

We clear?

~

2010-07-23T22:05:00.000+08:00

I can be the sweet tooth, You can be the dentist.

Everybody knows firebomb

2010-07-23T15:16:00.000+08:00

Taj jadi balik rumah minggu ni. Lupa pulak exam BTQ aku hari ahad. Sigh. On top of that, esaimen tak boleh nak banyak lagi. Tapi aku kan procrastinator hebat. Jadi tak tak buat lagi. Hahahahahaha. Ok lah grammar aku dah buat separuh. Esaimen grammar yang paling comel. Kene cari 10 words from articles ke buku ke ape yang korang tak tahu and then cari definition dalam dictionary and buat ayat sendiri daripada perkataan tu. Comel kan kan kaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaann.

Esaimen CCT plaing tak comel sebab kene buat sampai 10 pages. Nasib baik double spacing. Kalau tak mati kejang aku tengah jalan. Hahahahahahaha.

Lagu ni dengan ni bes gila btw. Harini je dah dekat 56 kali aku dengar. Aku memang jenis kalau suka satu lagu tu kan, aku dengar 642818353 kali sampai dah muak gila lepastu aku tak dengar dah. Hohoho. Alah aku rasa memang most people macamtu pon kan. Kalau dah best tu memang nak dengar banyak-banyak kali bagi puas.

Dalam MP3 Saleemah banyak gile lagu bes yang tak klua radio lagi. Hairan aku mane die dapat lagu tu semue. Adakah saleemah secretly ade kawan di US yang kerja dekat Virgin Records ke ape? HAHAHA.

Berbalik kepada topik banyak esaimen, mari tengok kerja-kerja yang aku kena buat;

1. Esaimen Grammar yang comel.

2. Esaimen CCT yang tak berapa nak comel sebab kena compare barriers dalam buku Bassham dengan buku sapa eh? Err, Jamal Abdul kot nama orang tu.

3. Esaimen Drama aka Term Paper yang rasanya macam tak comel tapi taktahu sebab tak dapat full description lagi. Tapi yang ni rasenye kene compare jugak kot. Compare characters dalam The Brute and Death of A Salesman.

DEATH OF A SALESMAN TU PANJANG GILA NAK MAPUH KEGHAH BTW NAK DEKAT 60,70 MUKASURAT KE APE?

The Brute tak sampai sepuluh ok. Ke sampai tapi lebih satu. Eh.

4. Script writing untuk drama jugak. Jalan cerita semua dah ada tinggal nak tulis script je. Nasib baik presentation about 20 minutes je tak payah aku tulis sampai 50 pages. But still, how the hell do you write a script?

5.Ok dah lupa apa lagi yang aku kena buat.

6. Ade homework pape ke ah?

7. OH COMPUTER KENE BACEEE. Markah kuiz aku haritu harom gile :|

Ok taknak procrastinate dah tak elok buat kerja tu berlengah-lengah ni ciri-ciri orang munafik. Em, kan?

I shall end this post with a sentence(?)

"Don't spend too much time thinking about doing something. JUST DO THE DAMN THING ALREADY"

:)

2010-07-21T23:48:00.000+08:00

I took this picture using Yunie's phone in Grammar class today. I don't know why (actually I do but it sounds more awesome if I say I don't know why I like certain things. But whatever.) I like these words. I think it's prolly because they just sound really cute and sweet . Don't you think so? :)

* * *

Semalam aku pergi ambek laundry dengan Yunie. And then suddenly die tanye, "Weh sape yang kuaja sangat cakap macamtu kat kau?" And obviously she was referring to my Keling post. So I was like, "Adelaaaah sorang budak tu." Lepastu Yunie sambung membebel-bebel and then she told me mase sekolah die pun pernah kena ejek hitam :| That's why sampai sekarang die ade masalah kalau kena bagi presentation. Masa Yunie cerita aku macam WHAT THE HELL TAK HITAM LANGSUNG KOT AYUNIE SAPE EJEK DIE MEMANG BUTE EJFGEJFGRFGFWEFGE3JFJRFRFGERFTYFHEGRF!!!

The only thing yang aku geram dengan orang-orang macamni is because of them, we suffer. Because of their petty teasing, we are the ones who are affected. Because of their inhumane nature, we end up feeling inferior to other people. Most of us had or worse, still have problems in daily communications. They took away our self-confidence. Our voice. The voice we were supposed to have, the confidence we were supposed to develop during our adolescent period. They took that away from us and for that, I find it hard to forgive them. I just couldn't help thinking that if it wasn't for them, I might be more confident than the not-so-confident person I am today. And yes, it's hard to not bear a grudge against them.

Imagine you were in my place. Imagine you were the one whose confidence were stripped away by cruel teasings all through your childhood. Imagine that. Imagine it and feel the pain that I've felt through those 10 years. Feel it, embrace ~~the damn pain~~ it. I only started to develop my self confidence when I was 17. Moving to a new school, being close friends with boys for the first time, helped me regain my confidence more than anything. I used to think that the day I talk face to face with a boy for more than 1 minute would be the end of the world. I was very conscious of myself. How I would look through his eyes. Would he be disgusted with me? Would he stopped talking to me halfway because I may perhaps appear too ugly to him?

Those kind of thoughts made me stay in my cocoon for a very long time. And please don't misunderstand what I'm trying to say. I'm not saying that it's a good thing to socialize and get it goin with boys or whatever thoughts you may be having. What I really mean is, sooner or later you will HAVE to communicate with boys. Like in group discussions or something. And it really helps to be prepared for this kind of thing or people might say you're too much of an introvert. It's nice to have guy friends, it really is. Tapi ingat batasla, tu je.

So you see why I hate them. Those teasers. I don't hate them because of the teasings. Ok lah aku mengaku aku memang buruk gila masa sekolah rendah dengan sekolah menengah dulu. Serious. I think they just couldn't help but to tease me. But whatever. I just hate them because of what their teasings did to me. Nothing else. Tapi takpelah kalau dendam elok-elok pun tak baik.

I hereby, forgive you ~~assholes~~ people for all the things you said to me and for what it did. Saya maafkan anda semua, dan semoga hidup anda sentiasa dalam barakah Allah dan semoga sekarang semua dah matang tak macam budak kecik lagi perangai. Ok? :)