Tuesday, July 19, 2011

This is serious me talking.

I just found that the older I get, I'll discover a lot of new things ergo a lot of changes will be made to my supposedly fixed future plans.

Remember how much the nineteen year old me wanted to get married last year?

The twenty year old me have decided to not get married.

At all.

Well maybe. I don't know how things gonna go for me. So let's just live for the time being. And for the time being, I have decided to remain single and I am focused on making myself happy eventhough I do not have a significant other. I discovered that I kind of have way too many priorities right now to be thinking of something serious (nope, a fling wouldn't do either) that involves my personal life.

So basically my plan to get married at 25 has taken a whole 180 degree turn. I don't intend to get married until I reach 35 or something because I want to concentrate on myself first and because I refuse to learn how to cook and I don't want to take care of somebody else when I couldn't even take care of myself   and I want to do things happy, single, unmarried people do.

How the hell can people get married anyway? Marriage for me right now means committing to seeing only one face for the rest of your life. To live with the same person until you're dead. To deal with all that person's annoying habits and attitudes that you don't like. To take care of that person like how you take care of yourself. And the kids, urgh, don't let me start on the kids. I have no idea why I'm suddenly so pessimistic when it comes to marriage. I know it's supposed to be a divine union of two person who agree to see each others' face only until they're dead who really love each other but I just don't see myself being one of them.

Maybe this is just the twenty year old me talking. I don't know. I change my mind a lot. But remaining single until I'm 35 sounds like a really good idea to me. For now. I'm gonna tell you straight that I hate having responsibilities that I have the option of not having. Like marriage. Maybe I'll rent an apartment with Lee and spend our lives taking care of our white kittens white grey eyes until we die. And then we'll give our kittens away to somebody. I mean, before we die of course. See, no big deal.

Maybe I'll change my mind next year. I'm easily influenced by what happens around me. I mean, my stand on certain things are pretty solid. But on others, it's like Jello. I can like you one day and hate you the other.

Wait, that's PMS ._.

But you totally get what I mean right? An idea that doesn't seem to bad at the moment may seem absolutely ridiculous in a few years. People change, plans change, things change. Everything is constantly changing around us. So don't come screaming after me next year if I post about wanting to get married and have 30 kids okay. Like I said, everything changes over time.

Oh and if you're one of my really close friends you prolly know that I intend to minor in Psychology. And minoring means learning an additional 10 subjects. Yes, I am going to have to learn 10 more Psychology subjects. I know it's going to be a rocky road because my time management is shit and I fool around a lot but it's entirely my decision and I'm going to go through with it. I'm going to graduate an English major whose also minoring in Psychology. I don't want to graduate with just one measly degree without anything else. There's just no contentment in that.

I have a PTPTN loan and in order to convert that into a scholarship I'll have to graduate first class. Seriously dude I am not paying RM30k back. I'll die before I complete the payment ._. So I came up with this genius idea to graduate with first class honors so that I wouldn't have to pay back anything. Nada. Nil. Zilch. Zero. I'd say that's a pretty good idea if I was a big brained genius but I'm not. I just got really lucky for my first semester result and I know that. Some people think that I am indeed a big brained genius but I really am not. God has been very kind to me. I am very much aware of that. I didn't put in as much effort to get that good of a result.

So I have vowed to myself that I'm going to concentrate on that and ONLY that for my remaining four years of degree. I won't make room for anything else except spending time with my beloved bimbos :p

And I'm actually being really serious here. I'm taking a stand that I am not going to shift my focus onto anything else. Just my goal of graduating with a first class degree and a minor. Nothing else.


But seriously. I'm serious about this.

Thursday, July 14, 2011

I am angry. I am really angry.


If you should know, my football knowledge is next to nothing. I am not a hardcore fan of any football clubs, I have never been and I probably never will be. Whenever there's a football match, I just cheer on the team that I like the best because of my own personal reasons. Like during the Terengganu vs Kelantan match, I was on Terengganu's side because I have a lot of close friends from Terengganu. See? My very own personal reasons. Nothing too serious or political.

I went to the match tonight because my sister asked if I wanted to come along. The only reason I came was because I wanted to know how it feels like to watch a live football match. That's it. Nothing more. And I was on Arsenal's side because most of their players are hot. That's it. My very own personal reasons. Nothing too serious or political.

I know a lot of people take football very seriously. I am not one of them. I rarely take things seriously unless I have to. And I think due to the fact that my football knowledge is inadequate, my opinions on football matches should not be taken seriously. Eventhough it is important to accept and respect other people's opinion, it is not wise to take every single little thing too seriously and have really serious opinions about it. Moderation is the key.

I reached home at 1am tadi. I am tired and cranky and my mood is not stable. When I'm cranky, I get pissed really easily and when I'm pissed I tend to say things that I will regret saying later. I am typing this post with my sensible mode on because if I turn my pissed mode on, things are going to get ugly and I do not like it when things get ugly because of what my anger had made me do so I am going to stop typing now before I say anything that might upset anyone.

P/s: It doesn't hurt to assess the situation before making a conclusion.

Sunday, July 10, 2011

Bersih 2.0

Hello. If you follow me on Twitter you'd probably know that I'm an avid supporter of Bersih. I support their cause and I think that what they're fighting for is a noble cause indeed ; a better future for Malaysia. I also think that it doesn't hurt to support a cause that you believe in because, well, you believe in it.

However, I'm very much aware that I do not share the same belief with all my friends. Some supported it, some were against it. But I don't mind. It's the differing opinions that make things interesting. It would be pretty boring if I have a circle of friends who were supporters like I am eh? I don't mind the fact that I have friends who were against Bersih, it's what they believe in and in my opinion they should fight for what they believe in :)

This is not a sarcastic post. I didn't write this post for controversial purposes nor to rise any political issues in my circle of friends. I believe in prioritizing friends before politics. Politics don't play a very big role in my life. Politics weren't there when I needed somebody to talk to or a shoulder to cry on. Politics didn't fail my papers with me and certainly didn't laugh with me about it. My friends did :)

While I find it a bit difficult to voice out my opinion in public because of our differing opinions, I still have no qualms about my friends being on the side that I am not. I was born and raised in a rebellious (anti-gov sounds too political) family. During the 1997 rally in which people were protesting about how the then PM invited cricket players from Israel to play here, my dad went along the protest and got caught. I didn't really remember it but my sister said he appeared on TV shouting "Allahuakbar! Allahuakbar!" I remember going to kindergarten the next day and my teachers were all worried and everybody kept asking me "Atikah, ayah awak kene tangkap kan?"

But there was one thing that I really remembered. I wasn't ashamed of my dad for spending a night in jail. I was a very proud 6 year old. At that time I was proud because a lot of people saw my dad on TV. But now I realize that he was fighting for a cause that he believed in and I admire my old man for that. When he doesn't agree with something, he doesn't just sit down and do nothing about it. He joined in a rally to show how unsatisfied he is with the issue. That's why I really look up to my dad :)

I'm telling you this to show you how different people are from each other because they were raised differently. I was raised in a family of rebels, perhaps my other friends were raised in a family who believed in a cause which is different from what my family believes in. It's nature. Not everybody will agree on what you say or what you do. People will always have different opinions on the same issue. The important things here is to accept that and to respect what others have to say. You may think you're right but you have to consider that they may think the same thing too and they will have their own arguments to rebut yours and who knows, maybe their argument would change your point of view.

I admit that I was kind of pissed off when I read my timeline because I have friends who were anti-Bersih. I was pissed because they didn't support what I did. Because they don't believe in the same thing that I did. But then I thought about the fact that we are two different people. We don't come from the same family, we don't come from the same area, heck we don't even come from the same school. Can you see where this is going? Because of how I was raised, I believed in A. But that doesn't mean everybody was raised the way I was raised. Some people might believe in B because of the believe that their family had instilled in them. Or maybe even C.

So you see, it's doesn't matter that others don't share the same belief as you do. It doesn't matter that your friends don't support the cause that you think is noble. The most important thing that you have to keep in mind is that there is completely no use to argue over politics. I think I have matured in a way that I don't blast at people for not having the same believe as I did anymore. I have accepted the fact that not all of my friends believe in what I do and I respect them for that. I respect them for having a stand and most importantly, I respect them for having the guts to voice out their opinion is a sea full of people who might share the same feeling or those who might not :)

Arguing over politics is the stupidest thing a person can do. No, let me rephrase that. Arguing over politics WITH YOUR FRIENDS is the stupidest thing a person can do. You can't impose your belief on other people, that's wrong. You can try, but it's just plain immoral to force people to believe in what you do. Respect others and in return you'll be respected too :)

Dear friends, regardless of which side you are on, I still love you guys and I always will :)

Tuesday, July 5, 2011


I used to think that blogging was the only way to express. Until I discovered Twitter :\ And now I feel terrible for not updating frequently. Because I always thought that updating my blog is a kind of routine for me. It's like I have to do it, regardless of whether I actually have things to talk about or not. But then pointless ramblings are really just...pointless. And at the same time I discovered the majestic ability of Twitter, the place where you can ramble pointlessly about anything at anytime and you can limit your ramblings to certain people.

And because I have a serious case of cursing, I diverted my attention and my time to Tweeting. I made an account on January and so far I have tweeted about 18, 885 tweets. In just 7 months. Kill me now. I think that I'm the kind of person who have a lot of things to say about a lot of issues but I just don't really have the time or the discipline to sit down and write it all out here. So instead I just tweet short updates on Twitter. I feel guilty for not writing more often. No wonder I feel so depressed. It's been such a long time since I last expressed myself here. Writing is the only way to make me feel better. Unfortunately, there are ethics and rules to be adhered to when you're writing in a public blog. Hence, the use of Twitter.

But now I've made my Twitter account public so I don't know what's the use of having a Twitter account anymore .-.

So, umm, updates. Yeah. I honestly don't know who reads my ramblings here because duh, they're ramblings and pointless ones too. Unless you're a hardcore stalker then I wouldn't wonder so much. Or you find me amusing which is unlikely. Or you're just plain jobless and you like reading. Hmm, gotta like the last one better. So anyways I just completed my short semester and boy, was it a hectic one. My contact hours in the long semester was 13.5 but during this short semester it went up to 22. Wicked is it not .-.

I am going to admit that Arabic is indeed a pain in the ass because I sincerely find it confusing and not interesting and it is just not in my heart to like and learn Arabic. Yes, yes I know it's like the official language of Islam or something but I just find it so confusing. Maybe I'm better off learning another language. Like French, for instance :3 Ifinditsexydon'taskmewhy.

But thank God I managed to get through it but I'm really bothered with RASOK. With such a low CAM, I don't think I'm even close to getting an A- :( I really want to maintain my pointer but it's difficult when you get a lecturer like mine. I honestly don't know what he wants and it's just stressful because because he's really strict and stuff. I think I did Alhamdulillah for my finals. I just hope I get at least a B. Even getting a B+ is out of the question, sigh. I'm just thankful it's all over and I can get a peace of mind. Until the results come out of course.

So here I am. Home. With absolutely nothing to do until the long semester starts in September. Staying at home doing absolutely nothing is really not something I enjoy doing. I can't get a job because it'll be during the fasting month and everybody knows that I get easily pissed and tired when I'm fasting so there's a high probability that I'm going to get sacked because I might like, yell at the customers or get pissed at them for no reason.

Don't ask me what customers .-.

But the good news is mum agreed to buy me a new phone and a new laptop. And I have set my mind on getting an E5 because I like it and it's not too expensive and a Macbook :3 Just the regular one though, couldn't afford to go Pro hihi. I know it's not that my parents couldn't afford it. I know they could. But I think that they just want to give me a lesson on how to be reasonable when buying things. Of course, I face constant failure in this when buying clothes and food. I love spending money on things I love so you can't really blame me for tha. Buying new clothes and food makes me happy :B

It makes everybody happy. I reckon depression wouldn't exist if everybody were to have new clothes everyday and an endless supply of food.

Anyways a lot has happened in my life during these past few months but I just didn't have the time to update it here. So I'll put pictures instead because I love posting pictures in my blog. I think pictures will make it more colorful hihi.

 This picture was taken during the Residency's Family Day. We got so bored waiting for food we decided to camwhore. Goofily.
 One perasan cantik tapi senyum senget picture for you.
Tiyah's favorite picture because I look blergh -_-

Ok I'm too lazy to upload more picture HAHAHA. Go ahead, hate me for being lazy .-. Kbai.