It'll always be so and so won't it?

I still don't feel the feeling of being in a whole new year. Nothing in my life has undergone major change to that's prolly why.

and I won't really bother to think of a hundred new year resolutions when I haven't even peaked last year's.

If I had resolutions last year, that it.

the only that has been bothering me is that I'll be nineteen this year. That's an awful lot of numbers isn't it? 19. Nineteen. Nainteeeeeeeeeen.

I still think of myself as a five year old, now trapped in the body of a nineteen year old. Maybe I'll start growing a mustache. Cool.

and then I'll buy a Mustang(?)

Two more years and I can gamble legally in America and go clubbing legally in Malaysia.

Okay so maybe I just wanna have ONE new year resolution.

come closer.

closer.

closeeeerrrr.

I wish for a boyfriend in the year 2010 ^^

haha okay tipu tak ada resolution.

Taktahu kenapa tapi aku rasa sangat disturbed di uia ni.

Hari terakhir tahun 2009

Mesti mahu post juga something seperti tahun lepas dan tahun lepas punya lepas supaya tiga tahun ada post yang bertarikh 31 december!

ya aku tahu aku hebat.

dan cantik.

dan comel.

hastalavistah 2009, hai cik abang 2010.

p/s: dengan harapan ada boyfriend pada tahun 2010.

The limit has been reached

These past three weeks have been so hectic that the only thing I wanna do now is go home and stay there until the end of they year.

or preferably forever.

I don't think I've gotten used to this kind of stress since I was a lazy mofo in school and all. I seriously think that I have somehow reached my limits and right now all I want is mak and ayah. I miss them sooo badly :(

This was just like how I felt during the first month of PLKN. I felt so terrible. I thought of mak and ayah for every second of every minute of the day. I was so miserable. But thank god lat was there. I actually owe a lot to her you know. I'm very lucky to get thrown in the same camp as my bestfriend. I love you lat :D

I'm thinking of persuading mak to bawak me to some spa where I can get a kickass massage while inhaling aromatherapy scents(?)

That is indeed, heaven on earth.

Oh and I just HAVE to show you this. Lee showed it to me weeks ago and I sort of forgot to paste it here.

Behold, Twilight saga fans.


Screw Bella. I love my twinkies.

Number one : I should stop being a lazy mofo.

I think if I were to write down a list of what I should stop doing it would be endless.

well okay, I'll try.

2. I should stop waking half an hour before class starts and skip breakfast (eventhough it's only a cup of hot chocolate with oats) and behave like some retarded ass in class.

no I think the retarded part is likely to happen if I drink glucose before going to class or two cups of nescafe the night before.

i iz hypah.

3. I should stop carelessly spending my money and say "SOMEONE STOLE MY MONEHHH!!" the next time I look into my purse.

just a little reminder to myself since this has happened before. I still think my RM30 was stolen by something. The possibility of SOMEONE doing it is just..wrong to even be considered. I trust my dormmates n_n (have to insert gay emoticon to show never ending trust)

4.I should stop allowing my eyes to go wild whenever I walk through block B1 and B2.

It's sort of embarrassing to see someone trying to pull up their pants while keeping on their towels so that their underwear won't show at the same time.

5.I should stop taking this course for granted.

I think BEN is not different than bioscience. apart from the part where you don't learn bioshit chemistryshit and physicshit of course. the method of studying is just the same really. I know I have to work really hard (cliche gila buhbee) and get a kickass cgpa.

but all of it won;t come true without EFFORT. which I happen to extremely lack.

I'm screwed.

6.I should stop analyzing people when they sleep and judge them after it.

This is just one of those plain brain-not-engaged moments.

7.I should stop thinking how the hell I would spend my money so that I won't be flat broke at the end of the week. and actually DO something about the damn thing.

I have very poor money management. I think I need to marry an accountant. In nilai, there's a lot of hot econs student.

It's not that hard to put two and two together.

8. I should stop hating people because I am not them.

Yes, I am one of THOSE people. Nobody's perfect (ayat cliche gila buhbee II) after all.

9. I should stop thinking that I would die if I ever ran out of money and it's not time to go back home yet.

Remember that your parents can always transfer money to your bank account. Plus, whatever are you friends for? :D

10. I should stop thinking like a five year old.

But I shall never stop acting like one.

I love myself.

The scattered emotions

I cant' think straight. Thoughts are racing through my mind like speeding bullets, set to kill. As it collides with every inch of my brain I felt a sharp tingle. I can't stop thinking. But I don't even know what am I thinking about. It's just a big giant blur inside my brain. I can't think clearly. I don't even know this feeling that I'm experiencing.

It's all a big humongous gigantic blur.

A blur.

If this is what I'm supposed to be good at, then why am I not satisfied with the outcome? I feel bad for all those people who had high hopes for me. This is only the start and I feel as if I've shattered their hopes into half.

I don't want shitty marks. I want to be the one on top. I have made the effort. But why do I feel like my effort isn't paying off? Was I using the wrong method?

I feel like I've lost something. I don't want that smile to falter. The smile that had so much kept my spirits up. The smile I long for. The smile I adore looking at. The smile that makes me smile from ear to ear. The smile that says "I'm proud of you."

I don't want that smile I love so much to morph into a frown. I don't want the curve to be drawn vice versa. I don't want it. I don't.

From this moment on I'm going to promise myself that I will do whatever it takes to keep that smile on that face. I will do anything in my power, everything I'm capable of doing to keep that smile on. Witness readers, my vow to myself. And I ask for your good conscience to remind me of what I have said here and now.

Remind me of the smile. Remind me of the explicit meaning that the particular smile gives. Remind me, please remind me.

Such hectic this week had been and it's only Monday. Such emotion that a paper can trigger. Such disappointment can be felt by person from the gift of sight. Such a powerful feeling a person can experience from an effort so blatantly done.

I shall not be something I loathe, but I shall loathe myself if I could not be something.

My emotions are still running wild. Save me.

Because the sight of you elevates me from reality.

Exam has finally, finally, ENDED.

thankyou thankyou thankyou MEE for studying with me throughout the whole friggin exam. no, wait.

for pushing me to study harder, stronger and better(?)

okay what the hell.

well anyways thanks mee for making sure I studied enough.

tengkyu tengkyu tengkyu tengkyu tengkyu :D

After arabic today I went to Giant with Mee and Amilin. I was so hongreh and was so in the mood for kfc's fat fat chicken and was so HONGREHH (again).

and I couldn't resist spending RM25 for a pair of the most perfect black baggy pants ever and a red shirt.

I. COULDN'T. RESISTTT O.O

the pants were so cheap! RM10 a piece like WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?

and the red shirt looks like the one Sasa bought from Giordano. and it was only rm15! like what the hell what the hell watahelll.

I love shopping at giant. well technically it's the stores outside. but giant have really nice pajama pants. all pink and frilly. i wanted to buy one but it was wayy over my budget. rm18. see how broke i currently am -_-

can't wait to go back hooome this thursday! or friday. dang im having that shafawi test on thursday from 4 to 6pm like what lah I wannna go back on thursdayyy.

and plus it only contributes like 5 marks. i think my perfect 10/10 leadtrain mark can cover that up HAHA.

I wanna change my layout. this is getting so boring. dark pink like ew why did i ever agree to this layout in the first place.

Mee did show me a website full of cute layouts but I'm still hesitating. lecehla nak cari cbox balik. and nak edit-edit the colums. god god god malasnyaaa.

maybe I'll do it when I get home. Imisshome Imisshome Imisshome.

I am so pissed that they went to wet world shah alam without waiting for me! im just a week late from home jeeeeeez. I shall make them go there for a second time next week. Haha.

Wonder how my mid semesters marks are gonna look like.

Absent minded, for the time being.

This has to be the most boring weekend ever.

Picture this,

stuck in this padang jarak padang tekukur nilai with nothing but a few uninteresting shops at nilai square ( not even a mall! ) and exams for THREE DAYS IN A ROW!

wohoo yay me.

linguistic was not so bad after all. well, I still haven't got my marks yet so yeah I have the right to say that haha. The only mark that I've gotten so far is IRK which is 17.5/20.

not bad for someone who registered almost a month late eh?

HAHA MOOD BANGGA DIRI SANGAT TURNED OOONNNNNNNN.

well anyways gotta go study FIM for tomorrow. and arabic the day after. erghhh -_-

*logs in facebook*

Random.

My weight has seen a drastic drop from 48kg to 45kg. damn. rasa macam nak pergi overseas 3 bulan lagi. baru kau tahu lapar tak lapar.

haha over gila kata sabah oversea. but betullah kan in a way. it's over the south chine pacific sea. or some sea.

classes starts tomorrow. and oh exams too.

exams should be banned really, so we can save the trees.

no more exam paper production!

boykot indah kiat.

Today I..

So I was scrolling through Lee's list of blog when I suddenly saw the words 'DAMN AIKA!' as Azie's latest post and being the curious S I was I opened it.

so after reading it I was all like HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHHAHAHA PADAN MUKA KAUUU AZIE HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAGAGAGAGAHAHAGAHAGAH!!!!

Serious weh that was the main reason I put up the poop picture but I hadn't thought of someone being in that precise position, a position I imagined that someone would be in when I posted it.

Sorry for the, uh, unappetizing post Azie :D

But I so totally had a real laugh.

Well anyways have you guys ever heard about a movie called Joe's Apartment? The movie about this loser-like guy who shares his apartment with 4o thousand COCKROACHES?

Like c'mon dude, COCKROACHES?!

I was quivering throughout the whole movie maaan there were dancing and singing-in0an-opera-kind-of-way cockroaches and everything. And plus the apartment that Joe lives in is a total dumpster with half-eaten tacos and pizza boxes and opened peanut butter jars. It's no wonder there are 40 thousand cockroaches living with him.

But the fact that they have the knowledge of speech(perghh ayat linguistic) is sort of cool you know, when you have a cockroach that talks then you'd probably wouldn't wanna bash the hell ouf of them as much. Plus they look kind of cute at the end of the movie.

But that doesn't mean I've taken a sudden liking to cockroaches, EUWW. I'd still bash them with rolled nespapers and spray them with ridsect(mortein?) everytime I see them.

After all, all is fair in love and war.

Okay I don't know what that's gotta do with anything but still, it's cool to have a saying for everything isnt' it? I'm gonna start sounding like the wise old owl who knows everything. Or something.

On another completely unrelated matter, my internet was being stupid the whole day so I got absolutely NOTHING, NADA, NIL, ZERO, ZILCH thing to do except sim-ing and sleeping.

While I was sim-ing I suddenly remembered that I had to take some picture of my sim family because I wanted to show Azie how my sim husband (who also, somehow ended up looking a bit like my ex) looked like.

But I forgot where it's automatically saved. Hmm.

Okay got it.



Behold, my humble home from top view. Because they only gave me like 18000 simoleon (or was it 15000 simoleon?) I had to settle down with this teeny little house. Now that my son, Jacob Crawford (I'm Aika Crawford and my husband is Chace Crawford hikhik) is a big boy and doesn't sleep in his cot anymore, I need to buy another bed. But the problem is, there's no more space in the room -_-

maybe I could somehow squeeze it in the living room.


And this is my dear husband dozing with our son in his crib. He was still a baby then. I think this was taken yesterday. You never realize how fast your kids grow. One minute he was still still i his crib crying over a dirty diaper and the next minute he already knows how to prepare his own breakfast!


My husband, showin some loooove to our baby. Isn't he such a responsible and adorable young daddy? Oh god that's so sexy.


DOES HE NOT LOOK LIKE MY EX? Or I'm just exaggerating a bit over what my unconscious mind has created. Or he does look like my ex, but just a tad hotter version of him. Wow, that's hot.

You know, this could probably happen in the future.

A husband who is HOT and COOKS. How lucky can you get?

The hot husband cooking picture s'gonna wraps up this post. Now you see why I like playing sims. I can finally be, wear and act like my alter ego(?) in that world. Like I have a need for an alter ego. I can't even manage my own self properly. Heh.

To them, I will always be a joke.

I think it's time I write something to get the poop picture out of the way. It bugs me every time I open this blog. Being greeted by a picture of a very long poop isn't exactly inviting you know.

HAHA tell that to yourself.

Okay whatever.

I'm planning to go back to Nilai this Wednesday with Mee so that we can totally 100% concentrate on the other four killer subjects that we're having for exams right after the mid break. Seeing to that I don't wanna flunk anything again, I'll just have to concentrate really effing hard on my studies an SCCCOOORREEEEEEEEEEEEE.

well, according to me that is.