Sunday, January 22, 2012

Rants

I am facing an intersection in my journey and I have no idea what I should do and which road to take. So I've been camping out here at the intersection for quite sometime now. There were days where I determinedly venture into The Obvious Road for a few miles before walking back to the intersection because I'm not sure if this is the road that I'm supposed to take. And there were also days when I journey down The Less Obvious Road because it seemed like a good option then but not so much a few hours after that.

So now I have no idea what to do. I'm running out of patience and energy and determination and I just feel like sitting here and just wait for some kind of sign to come. But until when? What if I'm stuck here for..a very long period of time? I wish I brought a friend along, but they're all busy dealing with their own intersections. It would be nice to have some kind of clue on which road to take. Since I started my journey I've been faced with a lot of intersections and I admit that I have my justified share of wrong turns. But they're not all that bad.

The good thing about taking a wrong turn is that something good will eventually come out from it. You might not be able to see it immediately after traveling down that road, but you'll be able to see the significance of that wrong turn you made in a few years time. Of course you don't purposely take a wrong turn because that anxious, endangered feeling you get when you're traveling up or down a different road is not something you want to experience often. You usually act on instinct and sometimes, like your brain and your heart, your instinct somehow finds a way to fuck you up.

So I'm still here, stuck at this intersection. Waiting for somebody to show up and tell me which way to go. Waiting for some kind of enlightenment from the surrounding to point me in which way I should head to.

And to think that there isn't any right or wrong road this time.

3 comments:

Unknown said...

You remind me so very much of myself when I was your age. I love the way you dive in, head first into life. It's quite brilliant. I've been in that same exact intersection you are in, agonizing and wondering what to do. Of course I can't tell you which path to take, but I can tell you from many years experience...there is NO light that will shine down and fill you with that "AHA!! I know what to do!". Sitting and being uncomfortable means you ARE in the process. You’re hatching, so to speak. At first it was warm and cozy and as you grow you feel conflicted, caged in and sometimes like kicking your feet and yelling aloud. That's growth! If growth periods weren't unsettling then we'd never leave where we are. You're supposed to feel this way. So it's ok and you're ok. You're much more ok than you realize. You take such big bites out of life and bring them into your heart that I believe it overwhelms you sometimes. You're doing exactly what a powerful, spirited young person should be doing.

You can never know which road to take. Your parents may think they know and even if you don't agree you may want to listen. There are things they probably don't share with you, mistakes they have made etc., that they have learned from. The pressure they put on you maybe their way of guiding you onto a path they believe will help you avoid hardship. Just know that choices made because you’re rebelling against something doesn’t bring about opportunity.


I will advise my own son to sit, be still for a moment; that his goal should *not* be to pick a specific path. He needs to think farther than the path. He needs to think ahead to what situation in his life will bring him the most OPPORTUNITIES.

Money, education, a good name for yourself, or a deep passion, none of those buy happiness. What they absolutely give you is the opportunity to choose.

Does that make sense? If you choose quitting school to open a small food stand - what opportunities will be open to you? You'll always have fresh vegetables, lots of friends, be your own boss and may get the opportunity to own a small farm. But those are benefits, not opportunities. What in that situation allows you many life choices or the ability to make meaningful differences in the world?
If you finish school, get high marks and possibly teach, or if you continue with your education, you are buying yourself opportunity points. The more educated you are the more shoes you'll be able to step into when you get out into the wide world. Opportunity, in essence, is that which allows YOU TO CHOOSE your state of life, rather having life’s limitation dictate for you. I know that your culture is different than mine, so I don't know the pressures you face. There may be pressure for marriage or how to fit your beliefs into the world. But in my own life, the more educated you are the better your life and the more choices you get to make.

That's the path I want my own child to take. Not the fun path, nor traditional, not a hard path, No, I want him to walk toward opportunity. The way that leads him there - THAT'S the right path.

If traveling is something he loves, then he will need walk toward what gives him opportunities to do so. He could learn a language, complete university and then he’s off to Spain as a translator, or to Dubai to teach language, or to join a foreign aid office and help translate & work in refugee camps or he could work as a liaison for a company to service foreign customers. All those opportunities are so different and exciting. The wonderful things is that if he ever has a change of heart, he is free to choose move on. He need only take a few steps to the right or left, since he's already set himself in a position of personal power.

So, none of this may have made any sense. But possibly my words have translated my meaning. Let it suffice to say that you are SO where you should be right now in your life.

Aika said...

You deserve a standing ovation for that inspiring piece of literary work you wrote in response to my post :) kudos!

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