Rants III. Or is it IV?

I used to love looking at really gory 18SG pictures before. Like pictures of people being stabbed and cut up and people taht went through some kind of shredder and things like that. But after I opened this Oh!Tidak website I got overdosed with gory pictures and now I can't even look at even a slightly gory picture. It has become very puke-inducing for me. Just now one of my friends on facebook posted this link from Oh!Media about this woman who either committed suicide or was killed in her filled bathtub and she was found like, weeks later. So if you are a fan of gory pictures you can prolly imagine what the pictures look like. Thankgod I haven't eaten my lunch yet. Thank God.

So anyways (do you realize how frequently I use this phrase when starting the second paragraph? Lol) I think I'm getting pretty good on the not-giving-a-damn-about-boyfriends thing. My shabby sense of style and my tone of voice when I talk to guys are major contributors I should think. You know how you have these different tone of voices depending on whom you're speaking to? When I speak with older people it would be the miss goody two-shoes tone of voice but when I speak with my friends I would use the LOLWUTOMGWTF tone of voice. But when I speak with guys (those who I'm not comfortable around with anyways. When I speak to close guy friend I use the Hi-I'm-a-nice-friend-aren't-I tone) I usually make use of the defensive tone which would of course, shoo them away from any prospects of having me as a girlfriend. Yay me.

Meanwhile, the PTPTN thing has  made me go absolutely bonkers because it's just so complicated and there's just so many things to do in a short period of time! I hate doing things like this. I really do. Although I have to admit that I work best under pressure, but a bit too much pressure won't do anybody any good would it? So I still haven't had my papers verified by the Dean of the Kuliyyah yet. I hope to do that tomorrow otherwise I can just wave bye bye to my loan. Sobs. I really need that loan ok mostly because I don't like to use my parents' money for entertainment which I do a lot lol. I'll feel really really guilty afterward and I'll go spiraling deep down into temporary depression which I always do ._.

If this is the fuss I have to go through in order to apply a loan, I can't imagine what complicated things I must do when I apply for a scholarship. Funfact: Did you know that out of all the scholars I checked out on the scholarship website only one company (NST) offers a scholarship for English Majors? LIKE WTF ONLY ONE. English is a very important field ok T_T And the government goes around telling everybody how they must acquire english for future use but at the same time they don't provide a special scholarship for English Majors! I demand that the Ministry of Higher Education (if there is such thing) do something about this. I don't want to depend on PTPTN until I graduate. What if I don't find work immediately after I graduate? WHO'S GONNA PAY MY FRICKIN LOAN FOR MEEEEEE.

This is depressing.

It's funny how easily depressed I get. One minute I'm all smiles and thinking about my supposedly bright future and the next I'll be all gloomy and tensed because I don't really know what I would be. I mean, I do have a plan for myself but what if it doesn't go accordingly? What if I mess up along the way and I'll end up being a hobo AAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH TOO MUCH DEPRESSIONNNN.

Anyways I think I'm out of things to say. I'll end this post with a picture of Kartika, Me, Ayunie and Mee because I know that all of us miss her :')