Aku rase kau kurang ajar gile. Tapi aku taknak cakap lebih-lebih la an. Aku tak suke gadoh-gadoh macam kau. Stupid pathetic bully. God knows how much I despise you.

I feel sofa king miserable right now

Aku dah malas nak pike pasal kawen-kawen ni. Mampos la aku kawen ke tak kawen sampai tue ke. Mampos la smue tu. Kalau ade jodoh aku kawen kalau takde peduli ape aku. Aku dah malas paham tak dah malas?

Haih.

Kadang-kadang aku rase macam nak dudok sorang-sorang tengah hutan dengan binatang-binatang kat situ. Aku dah tak kuase nak dudok dengan orang. Aku dah tak tahan dengan ragam manusie. The first thing I'm going to do bila aku dah mampu nanti is buy a house and bela kucing banyak-banyak. Aku rasa kalau aku duduk dengan 30 kucing lagi senang dari dudok dengan seorang manusia. Tak banyak songeh. Bahagia hidop aku. Kawan-kawan aku smue dah kawen and aku tak kawen pon aku tak nak amek peduli. Kau nak kawen, kawenlah. Aku tak rasa aku nak kawen sekarang ni.

Tapi tu aku rasa at this exact moment. Taktaula lagi 2,3 hari berubah balik ke ape kan perasaan aku ni. Tapi sekrang ni serious aku memang nak bele kucing je. Memangla sunah nabi kan kawen. Tapi entahlah, nafsu aku sekarang ni memang nak bela kucing je. Nafsu kawen aku memang dah hilang 100%. Letih dahlah aku nak pike. Hari-hari cakap pasal kawen tengok-tengok nanti dah umo 40 pon tak kawen-kawen lagi. Tapi peduli ah kan. Lagi suka aku jaga kucing-kucing aku nanti.

Sebab kadang-kadang aku lagi suka deal dengan haiwan dari deal dengan orang. Kenapa orang kene complicated sangat? Kenape kenape kenape? Mampos kau la.

Dahlah sukehati kaulah nak buat ape. Aku taknak amek tau aku dah malas nak amek tau aku dah tak larat nak jage kate-kate aku nak jage tingkah laku and all those other shits. Aku tak amek tau pasal kau, kau takyah amek taulah pasal aku. Aku dah tak heran dengan kau, kau takyahlah heran dengan aku. Aku nak heran dengan kucing-kucing aku je. Bia la orang cakap aku miserable ke loser ke. Aku tak heran.

Asalkan aku happy dengan kucing-kucing aku.

Because sometimes, you just don't have to understand.

I wanna be single for the rest of my fucking life.Period.

Never believe me when I say I'll be on a hiatus

I've been listening to too many rock kapak jiwang songs. I don't think it's doing any good to me, given my situation right now. Miserable. And I know that it's doing any good to me. But I still keep on listening to it. Is this stupid? Am I stubborn? I hate knowing things are bad for me but I still keep on doing them anyways. It FEELS stupid. But whatever.

God this is going to be such a pointless post. I know it. So I'm gonna stop. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHHAHAHA.

Anyways, Nazif's birthday is going to be next week! My little kubi is going to be one :D He just looks so adorable these few weeks. With his 6 growing teeth and all. When he smiles rase macam nak tumbok je sebab comel sangat. HUH. And he's become a lot more playful too. Kalau dulu kerje die merangkak sane sini sane sini je sekarang dah pandai cak-cak orang and kalau die geram he makes the cutest gesture he'll be like genggam satu tangan and lagi satu die bukak luas-luas and then he'll like vibrate(?) a bit.

COMEL GILE WEI SUMPAH.

And I'm not just saying this because he's my nephew and I'm being conceited or whatever. I'm saying it BECAUSE HE IS CUTTTTTTTEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. If he was a random baby I saw o the streets I would totally go crazy over him. Really, I would.

Can't wait to go back home next week alreadehh. Walaupun belum balik Nilai lagi. Ho Ho Ho. Free-free dapat balik rumah dua minggu bertulut-tulut.

P/s: No words could describe how much I miss seeing you online.

On an emotional hiatus

I just fail to see the point of blogging anymore because I know that you're currently away and you won't be reading any of my posts. Well, maybe you'll read them when you get back but whatever. So my next post will probably be after you get back from wherever you are :)

P/s: I miss reading yours.

Hi

So you probably know it by now. But please do allow me to ask one small favor from you. If the feeling isn't mutual, can you just ignore me? You don't have to say things like, "Hey, I'm sorry but I just don't feel the same way as you" or something in that league. I might jump off a building out of total embarrassment or cry until my lungs have holes in them. Or whatever.

Ignorance is bliss. Sometimes. Other times, it's just mental pain. I mean, who would like to be ignored by someone they like right? I know I don't. But I don't really see any other logical way that wouldn't have any lasting emotional effects on me. This is the only way I can think of. So please, if you don't feel for me like how I feel for you, then ignorance might just be blissful. For you.

Oh, and you don't have to worry about how I would cope. Since the feeling isn't mutual, then it's not like you would care right? And I don't mean this in a sarcastic tone either. It's a matter of fact. When you don't have feelings for someone, you just don't care about them. The humane care might be there of course but that special kind of care wouldn't. And that's the kind that actually counts. That everyone wants someone to feel for them. That special kind of care.

But oh well, life goes on. I've lived for 19 years before knowing you. And I'm sure I can continue living on without you just as well as I did before. It would be wonderful if I were to be given the chance to share my life with you in the future though. My happiness, my sorrows, and all my other feelings. How nice would it be if I get to share them all with you? If I were to have that opportunity, then I honestly would not ask for anything more I swear.

If I can have you, then I would feel completed. But if I wasn't destined for you, and you me, then I guess I'd just have to find someone else to complete me. Because no matter what happens, life goes on. You can't stop that. Whether you're ready or whether you're still stumbling, it'll still go on. It won't wait for you. So I don't think I would wanna be remembered as the sad pathetic girl who hung on to you like there was no other for me. I wanna be remember as the girl who lifted her chin up high, smiled a wide smile and said to you goodbye eventhough your answer was no all along.

And I'm pretty sure that the latter attitude would lead me to a very happy ending. Eventhough it means not having you as a part of it.

Tumblr

I wanna have a tumblr account. Mainly because you can post (repost?) cute pictures in it. Like really really cute ones. Like the cartoon strips from Cyanide&Happiness. Or pretty pictures. Or emo, pretty pictures. Or pretty emo pictures. Or pictures that are emo and pretty. You get my point.

Yunie showed me her cousin's Tumblr few weeks ago and I really loooooooooooooved reading (scrolling through?) it. It's like full of meaningful quotes and funny things and cute colorful cupcakes and ice creams and cakes and pancakes and damn I'm starting to get hungry.

So you see why I want a Tumblr? :)

But it looks kind of complicated. Or it's just that I'm too used to Blogger. Either way, I wanna do a blogger. I mean, a Tumblr. It's gonna be like blogging using pictures. And since a picture is worth a thousand words, I don't have to write 8254293765427887635477 worded posts to convey my messages across(?) I can just like, paste a picture of chocolate gelato and everyone would know that I'm hungry. I wouldn't have to write things like, "IM HONGGREEHHHHHHHHHH IM SO FOKIN HONGGREEEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHHHHH FEED ME MOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMEEEHHHHHHHHHHHH AYEM HONGGGRRRRRYYYYHHHHHHH"

Which can be quite not understandable to some people.

So yes, I WANT TO MAKE A TUMBLR ACCOUNT. I need someone to teach me how to properly use it though :|