Arrghhhhh

Sometimes I really really wish that I was 25 years old so that I can get married and get the whole damn thing over with. Peer pressure is really getting the best of me. Everyday I'm faced with stories by my friends telling me how sweet their boyfriends were to them or what their boyfriends gave them or how joyful it was to spend their weekend with their boyfriend or whatever. I am honestly sick of all those shits circulating in my brain for godknows how many days making me feel more and more miserable by the minute.

SO WHAT IF I DON'T HAVE A FRIGGIN BOYFRIEND?

Ok I know that as a friend I must be a good listener and listen to everything that my friends tell me. But c'mooonn. It's not like I'm a robot ok. I have feelings too. And don't you think by telling me all those sugar coated stories I wouldn't be influenced to want to have a boyfriend too? (Not that anybody would want to be my boyfriend but, you know) I'm trying as as best as I can right now to save up myself for my husband. I don't want to be intimate with any guys even as friends because I know I might end up being a lot more than friends. I want my husband to be the first lelaki ajnabi to hold my hand, to share a kiss with me. I want my husband to have the first everything.

I'm very much aware of the fact that my Iman isn't that strong and I'm not such a religious person myself. And I'm not saying this is a I'm-proud-that-I'm-not-religious tone but rather in a I-hope-I'll-be-a-lot-more-religious-in-the-fture tone. I don't know it's just that sometimes I feel that it's so hard being me. Being in my shoes. Feeling what I'm feeling. I know that there are a lot of people out there who are doing a lot more worse that I am but still, I'm getting really sick of all this.

I'm sick of not having a boyfriend like everyone else, I'm sick of not being attached to my phone like everyone else does, I'm sick of not having anyone to talk to when I feel like talking to someone who doesn't consider me as only a friend. Yes, I'll say it here out loud. There have been a lot of times in which I wish that I have a boyfriend too, just like everybody else. I know this may sound really stupid and insignificant to some people because there are other far more important issues to deal with out there but that's just how I really feel right now. It's so hard being me. I honestly think that I repel men. Nobody is attracted to me. You may say that I'm still young and it doesn't really matter if nobody is attracted to me but TO ME IT DOES OK. IT FRICKING DOES. It gives a boost to my self confidence in a sense that I know that I'm nice enough to have a guy like me. But nooooooooooooooooo, here I am in Loser Ville with nobody but myself. Alone. Without anybody in the same boat.

Sometimes I really wish that all my friends are single. That everyone is like me. Single and men-repelling. That's quite a nice thought. But of course that would be possible because most of my friends aren't single. And even if they are, they have scandals or whatever you call them. BUT ME? I DONT EVEN HAVE ONE FRICKIN SCANDAL!!

Not that I want to have a scandal but it would be nice lah to know that at least one human being is into you. Somehow.

And the fact that the people I like never like me back is really bugging me. I mean, I know I'm not the hotshit kind of attractive but like WTH NOT EVEN ONE GUY? Am I really that ugly?  T_T

Sigh. You should know though that I'm not promoting myself or looking for a boyfriend here or writing this hoping that my crush will suddenly reciprocate my feelings or something. It's just that I feel that it's so hard to deal with on a frickin daily basis. You hear the same shit all day long and you just kind of think ,"Awwww I wish somebody would do that to meeee." or "How come nobody says that to mee" or whatever. I don't want a boyfriend right now. Really, I don't. The next guy I'm getting serious with will be the one I'm marrying. So I'll prolly have to keep my sanity until my fourth year in university before I can find a husband for myself. So that means that I'll have to keep up with this shit for another FOUR YEARS WTF SO LONG LAH I'LL DIE A VIRGIN THENN.

 Okay 4 years isn't THAT long right? I mean, it'll just be like umm, 48 months. And 192 weeks. Which is also equal to 70080 DAYS WTTTTFFFFFFFFF SO FRIGGIN LOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNGGGGGG.

Dear God please help me get through all this all right. I want my husband to be my first everything please please pleaasssseeeeeeeeeee!

PEYIDEM

It's 0509am and I'm still awake. Well, it's obvious that I should be awake because of sahur. But this is the I-haven't-slept-all-friggin-night kind of awake. So I was up all night trying to finish up my critical thinking assigment which was comparing the barriers from the western and islamic perspective. We had to compare five barriers from each and we also had to write up until 10 pages. wtf rightttt. But then our lecturer said that the font was to be Times New Roman, 14 (YES, FOURTEEN) and DOUBLE SPACING LIKE WTFF THAT WAS LIKE TELLING US TO WRITE A FRIGGIN FIVE PAGE TERM PAPER YEAAAAAAAHH. Seriously, double spacing kot. 1.5 pon macam dah perghh perghhh bersyukur gila nihhh apetah lagi double spacing HOHOHOHOHOHO!

Eniwes, harini dah 12 Ramadhan dah. CEPAT GILA KE HAPA? LAGI 18 HARI RAYA YEYEYEYEYEYEYEYEYYEYEYEYE sekejap je lagi nak Syawal isk isk. Btw sekarang ni aku tengah bersahur makan biskut oat krunch yang sangat sodap tadi dah makan megi HAHAHA sangat mewah sahur harini sebab gua bangun awal aka tak tidur langsung tu yang banyak masa boleh rajen gi buat megi tu hagahgahga. Kalau tak memang aku bangun, kunyah dua keping biskut, minum air mineral sikit pastu sambung tidur memang tak kuasalah nak gi masak megi pulak kaaann.

Makan megi tadi pulak berpiuh-piuh haku cari sudu besar tak jumpa pulaaaaak. Aku tak suka makan megi pakai sudu kecikk. Tak dapat nak sauk kuah berajinomoto die tu banyak-banyak hegehgeheghegehgeheghehheg.

Lega gila la dah siap semua assignment. Calc dah, CCT dah, Drama punye term papar dah, grammar punye project dah. Memang rasa macam nak menari bogel tengah padang sebab sangat gembira HOHOHOHOHGAHGAHEGEHGAHDJFFFFEGRFKEJRGHEFRRMFG. Ok jakgi masuk subuh dah nak pegi solat di awal waktu boboi.

Lame gila aku ni

Tetiba aku rasa cam aku manusia paling lame dalam dunie sebab barang-barang aku smue lame.

Beg yang aku pakai pegi kelas kelas adalah bag  yang Mak dapat free beli barang-barang mekap. Kan kalau beli set-set adelaa die kasi free gift bag ke pouch ke ape kan? Ha beg macamtulah yang aku pakai gi kelas sekarang. Tak mampula aku nak beli Coach ke, LV ke Elle ke pakai gi kelas. Kapcai gile beg aku. Beg ni pun aku pakai sebab beg kelas aku yang lama dah koyak rabak sana sini. Aku kalau pakai barang memang aku pakai sampai rosak teruk habis buruk. Beg kelas yang tu pun aku beli kat KL Central je. RM35. Yang polkadot tuuu. Sumpah sayang gila ah aku kat beg tu. Tapi dah koyak-koyak. Nampak macam sedih sangat je pakai beg koyak-koyak gi kelas. Hu.

Pencil box aku pun dapat free beli barang-barang mekap jugak. Aku sayang gila pencilbox tu. Warna hotpink yaw. hahahahahahahaha. Tapi peduli la. Pencilbox tu cantik bagi aku. Hahahahah. Purse aku pun macam dah burok gaban gile. Dalamdie dah tekoyak-koyak. Yunie menyampah betul tengok purse tu sampai die cakap "Jangan sampai aku beli purse baru kat kau" HAHAHAHAHAHA. Sungguh menyampah Ayunie dengan purse aku sampai sanggup membelanjakan duitnya sendiri untuk beli purse baru(?)

Selain itu juga, baju aku memang ada dua tiga helai je yang ada brand yang dikenali. Yang lain harom tak pernah dengar hahahaha. Aku suka shopping online ni pun dekat pre-loved punya blogshops. Maksudnya baju-baju 2nd hand. Kalu blogshop yang jual baju-baju baru tak mampulah aku. Harga mahal tak masuk akal. Aku ni pun bukannye kaye sangat boleh beli baju baru hari-hari. Sebab tu aku suka beli pre-loved punya baju. Cantik, murah pulak tu. Bab orang dah pernah pakai tu pedulilah. Kau baru dapat basuh dulu baru pakai. Dah jadi baju kau kan? Hahaha.

Kalau ada barang-barang aku yang agak branded tu pun bukan aku beli sendiri. Mesti parents aku beli. Takpun kakak aku. Kalau aku nak beli sendiri harom la. Lagipun aku bukannye dapat allowance macam orang lain. Sebulan sampai RM500. Aku bila perlu baru aku mintak duit dekat parents aku. Aku tak suka mintak banyak-banyak pun. Rasa bersalah pulak. hohoho. Padahal duit guna nak makan -_-

Most of my friends bila dah dapat scholarship pun parents still bagi duit lagi. Aku ni bila dah dapat memangla tak dapat duit langsung T_T Bila dah habis memangla diorang bagi duit balik tapi tapi tapi mestila macam rasa guilty nak habeskan cepat-cepat sebab nanti kena mintak duit lagi kan. Sigh. Sekarang ni pun scholar aku dah tinggal RM450. Seminggu kurang-kurang  pakai RM50. Nanti cuti kalau kawan ajak keluar takkan nak mintak duit dekat parents kot? Aku nak kerja takboleh, aku nak save duit scholar nanti tak makan pulak. Dilemma gila T_T

Hmm apa lagi nak cerita pasal diri aku yang sangat lame ni. Haa. Masa pergi PLKN dulu kan ade cuti 4 hari tu kan. Aku ikut Tasha balik Lahad Datu and dekat sana hari jumaat ADA BUNDLE HEAVEN! Diorang panggil bundle tu rombengan hoho. Tapi bundle diorang bukan cikai-cikai yaw. Aku tengok label die macam baju mahal-mahal je lepastu Tasha cakap bundle die dari overseas. Entahlah dari mana TAPI SERIOUS MEMANG MURAH GILA cardigan cantik-cantik RM1 WTF??!!?!!! Memangla aku beli banyak gila T-shirt cardigan etc etc tak sampai RM20 pun kot aku spend.

Nampak tak kenapa aku suka beli baju rombengan? :B

Alah lagipun bukan orang tau tu baju baru je baju lame ke. Bila dah beli tu kau basuh cuci-cuci and it's as good as new. Tapi bila orang tanya beli katmana tu nak jawab kena buat muka kambeng sikit ah sebab most people kan selalu pandang slack sikit dengan baju-baju bundle ni. Baju je pun, rilek la -.- Yelah bukan semua orang kaya macam kau every week boleh pergi beli baju kat F21 la, Zara la, Topshop la, MNG la apa la. Kau hidup senang memangla boleh. Cuba consider orang kurang senang macam aku ni? Ceit.

Bukanlah nak cakap aku ni macam cheapskate gile ke ape tapi when I have a cheaper alternative then why nak beli yang mahal dan branded yaw? Ok maybe orang cakap lebih kualiti blablablabla but seriously -_- Aku adalah manusia yang paling tak heran pasal brand. Tapi aku suka masuk kedai-kedai macamtu sebab aku suka try baju yang aku takboleh pakai in real life macam skinnies, PVC leggings, tight skimpy dresses etc etc. It makes me feel that my dream has come true :B Nak beli tu memang harom la kaan dahla mahal cam rehejrgfewfrfhvrjhrkv kalau pakai berdosa pulak tu HahagHAGgahGHAGAHghagHGAH.

Tapi setak beli-tak beli baju branded pun aku rasa sense of fashion aku takdalah lorat sangat. Takpalah tak dapat berfashion hebat-hebat pun asalkan tutup aurat kan :)

This post contains a lot of ugly pictures. Be warned

Ok serious lambat gila post ni baru nak tunjuk gambar. But I did say I'll post the pictures and since I'm really free right now after having completed my outline for persuasive speech and my handout for BTQ and the grammar exercise. I AM SO FREE I'M GONNA DIEEEEEE

Ok so pictures.

Abang bebi yang ketegaq nak mampoih.

The fat birthday boy, sleeping.

Fat birthday boy with Grandpa.

Random picture of ugly brother setting up barbeque table(?)

FFFFFFFFFFOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

Plain agar-agar for the cocktail.

Ugly brother acting like he's gonna jam in the nails with his bare hands -.-

Ugly brother resulted to using a hammer instead wtf.

For teh koktel.

18sx. Hahahaha.

Cikinn.

Lopeh!

Prawns!

Obvious captions wtf.

Table with yummy food on it.

Lopeh summore.

Seriousshit malas gila nak tarok caption -_-

I look like an abused person. And my nose looks humongous ._.

Things to barbeque.

Ugly people produce ugly pictures :| Seriously I look like a transvestite here wtf

Semua muka takmandi lagi/

Takboleh loading lagi ._.

Gedebabs.

Cousins. Mugay poyo gila taknak orang amek gamba die malam tu -_-

GOTCHA MUGAY!

adakah tangan aku tengah mengipas barbeku dari jauh ._.

K.fizah's side of the family. Totally random.

BTW TENGOK MUKA AYAH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA

All these pictures of food are making me hungry :B

Coleslaw! :D

Quarterly(?) eaten cake.

Sworn enemies lol look at Ainaa's expression.

This kid definitely has my genes.

This is so candid.

MUGAY WE CAUGHT YOU ON CAMERA AGAIN!

I am trying to make a strong point I think. Mugay muka mintak kaki hahahahahaha.

Kuzin and ugly sister. I look pretty normal eh :)

K.Fizah looks so fat lolwtf.

MUAZ PALM FACING HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. I mean Mugay.

This is a very rare scene, trust me.

The I'll-make-a-good-wife-see-I'm-wiping-the-table-clean look.

TYAH LOOKS SO RETARDED I JUST HAVE TO PUT THIS ONE UP HAHAHAAAGAHGAHGAGAGHA. I look so obedient wtf.

AINAA'S EXPRESSION IS PRICELESS. Lin looks equally retarded ._.

He kept doing that whenever I tried to snap his picture it's so annoying I swear -.-

And that guy beside Muaz is Sakif. He's a family friend. He and his siblings are very nice. Friendly and everything. I don't feel awkward at all around them eventhough most of them are boys. Good company :)

Wtf right -_- GET OVER IT MUGAY YOU'RE NOT A FRICKIN CELEBRITY AND IT'S NOT LIKE I'M GONNA SELL YOUR PICTURE OR WHATEVER.

There's the rest. The girl in purple is Elisya, the one in specs in Nabil and the small one(?) is Qayum. They were obsessing about the lame games on Lin's iPhone -.-

AINAA IS PICKING HER NOSE BTW HAHAHAHAHAHAHHA.

And here Ainaa, is a close up picture of you because I love you so much HAHAHAHAGAHGAAGHAGAHGAHGAHAGAHG

What..?

Belon face.

Another photo of them ogling at the iPhone.

And I shall end this long pictured post with a picture of the birthday boy.

Happy 1st birthday Nazif! Auntie Kah loves you very much yaw ♥

Pasal budak-budak dan makbapak

Aku rasa jaga sekandang, no make that tiga kandang lembu gila pun lagi senang dari jaga si Naqib ni. ANNOYING GILA TAHAP ANNOYING DIA BOLEH BUAT KAU MAMPUSSSSS. He won't listen to what I say, he won't respond until I've called him like thirty thousand times AND HE KEEPS DOING THINGS THAT YOU FRIGGIN TOLD HIM NOT TO DO!!

Sapa nak kurus meh datang rumah aku jaga Naqib. Konpem seminggu turun berat badan korang. Dengan nak kejar lari sane sininye, dengan liat nak mandinye dengan degilnye YA KARRRIIIIMMMMMMM. Salah satu benda yang konfem die akan buat adalah lari bogel selepas mandi. LEPASTU KAU KENE KEJA PULAK DENGAN TUALA KAT BELAKANG SAMBIL JERIT "HOIII JANGAN LARILAAAHHH LICIN TU JATOH NANTI WOOOOIIIIIIIIIIIIII" and sometimes, when he does fall and cry his heart out kena pujuk pulaaakkk HAKU DAH CAKAP JANGAN LARI KAU DEGIIIIILLLLLLLLLL !$%^&^$#@^&^%$#@#$%^!!!!!!

Serious, stress gila jaga budak-budak ni. Mak aku macam rilek je jaga aku taktaula kenapa. Maybe umur aku ni bukan umur sesuai menjaga budak? Haehgeheghegegegeghegehgehgegeheg. Tapi jaga Nazif macam senang sikit la. Sebab still tak boleh jalan, lari, lompat lagi kan. Tapi merangkaka die tu laju jugak, kene keja jugak -.- Sekarang hobi die merangkak naik tangga. So mak aku taruk bulu ayam kat tangga sebab die geli dengan bulu ayam so die tak naik hegehgehaghagahgehgahgahg. Tapi makin lama macam makin tak geli je ._.

Kalau dah lama tak jumpa budak dua orang ni memang rindu gila sebab tak ada orang annoying dalam rumah. Taaaaappppppppppppppppppiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii bila dah jumpa sure rasa nak balik Nilai taknak balik rumah dah. Ni la orang kata jauh bau bunga dekat bau taik. Betul la tu -_-  Ni Naqib tengah atas katil haku chanting "Sulanan sulanan sulanan" tiga ribu kali godknows what that means.

Jaga dua orang ni buat aku terfikir macamana kalau aku dah ada anak nanti. Harap harap sejuta kali harap sangat tak degil macam naqib. KALAU DEGIL MEMANG HAKU BELI SATU STORE PENUH BULU AYAM DENGAN ROTAN HAAHGAHGAHAGHAGAHGAHGAHGA. Aku nak besarkan anak aku macamana mak bapak aku besarkan aku. Nak manja boleh, tapi manja-manja sangat rosakla kau nanti. Dah besar tak hormat makbapak, tengking makbapak, melawan, kurang ajar. Tula jadi kalau manjakan sangat anak. Tapi janganla pulak sampai jadi macam nazi dengan anak kau. Sekali sekala takpala. Do it in moderation bebeh.

Bukanlah nak bangga tapi adik beradik aku serious semua respek habis dekat makbapak kitorang. Kalau aku buat pape mesti aku fikir makbapak aku. Kalau diorang tau ape perasaan diorang. Tu je yang aku fikir. Kalau result aku klua pun. Time aku study pun. Makbapak makbapak makbapak ♥

Sampai satu malam ni, masatu world cup lagi. Lin ajak aku dengan Tyah pegi isi minyak kereta tapi die nak tengok satu match ni dulu. Match tu pulak habis pukul 1130 ke 1230 am tah. Tapi macam lambat laa. Kitorang pulak memang bukan jenis klua malam kalau kat rumah. Lepas match tu habis kitorang pun siap-siap la nak pegi isi minyak. Aku ikut sebab nak slurpee Tyah ikut sebab nak udara malam yang segar wtf aku ingat lagi hahagahaghagahgahgahag. Lepastu dah siap la ni, turun bawah dah amek kunci dah pun tetibe kitorang cam, "Eh betul ke nak pegi ni." "Tapi tak bagitau Ayah." "Ala isi minyak je" "Kalau start kreta nanti Ayah dengaq macamane?" So last-last kitorang tak jadi pergi sebab rasa tak comfortable klua tak bagitahu makbapak hehegeeghegehgehgeheghege.

Aku serious tak paham macamana orang boleh sneak out dari rumah pepagi buta. Kalau makbapak korang tau tak kene belasah ke? Erk. Aku pun pernah je kluar tak bagitahu makbapak. Tapi tu kat Nilai la. Kalau pergi Giant pun pejadah nak bagitau kan -.- Tapi kat rumah tak pernah la. Takut siot. Hehehehe.

Eh tetiba jadi panjang pulak. Dahlah tu aku nak gi sambung buat outline persuasive speech ni. Harom jadah betul. Naqib dah berdengkur atas katil btw. Hahahhahagahga.

I wrote a letter for you! :)

www.letterstocrushes.com

I hope you'll read it and freak out lol

Sup Yaw

Tak nyenyak betol aku tido malam tadi. Dahlah aku tido tengah. Sasa dengan Qlah tido senget pulak APAHAAAAAAAAAAAAALL memang ah aku rase sempit gile setiap 3.635427 saat terjage kan. Lepastu sebab kitorang macam gabong due katil and tido melentang, so katil belah bawah tu macam tend to tetibe londeh(?) so bile tebangon tetengah malam ade jarak aa pulak antare dua katel tu kan. aku gerak nak suruh angkat kaki sebab aku nak tarik balik degil due orang tu. Tido macam ape ke -.-

On a bitter note, aku puasa lagi harini. And kalau aku puase mood aku jadi buruk gile cam harom sebab aku LAPAR DAN PENAT DAN SAKIT KEPALA DAN PERUT RASA CAM TERBAKAR SAMPAI AKU RASA NAK ROBEK-ROBEK DENGAN PISAU PEROT AKU TU KASI MASUK ANGIN SEJUK SKET. Parah gila. Kemuncak mood buruk aku adalah bila lapar, penat dan sakit kepala. Kalau kau cari pasal dengan aku time tu memang aku kasi free kick. Serious, cubela. Tapi kalau bulan Ramadhan aku puase takdela bad mood pon. Maybe sebab orang lain puasa sama? Entahla.

Ahad ni aku pergi Maimunah kawen omg awal gile die kawen harut aku cakap dengan parents aku "Mak, nanti nak pegi kawan Tkah kawen boleh?" And my mum was like "Kawan hang brapa taon?" So I told her "Smilan bleh" PASTU MENGUCAP MAK AKU HAHAHAGAHGAGAHAGHAGAHAHAGHAGAHGA! Lepastu mak aku cakap lagi, "Awat awai sangat die kawen? Masak kemeh rumah semue tau ke tu?" Pastu tetibe Lin menyampuk, "Entah-entah kawan die smue dah reti masak gulai dah pon Ma. Tkah tu je yang tekiai-kiai"

KUAJA BETOL LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

Siap korang aku masak kari ikan suatu hari nanti jangan terkejut pulak. HUH!

Oh lupa nak cakap kat bakal suami (tetibe gile wth) awak kena tau makan kari ok. Kalau lagi best, jadikan kari ikan tu fevret awak sebab saya memang takleh hidop tanpa kari ikan ye and kemungkinan besar bende pertame yang akan saye blaja masak adalah kari ikan(??) hikhik hikhik. Oh awak jugak kene suke rasem, dalca, nasi briyani, katrika karwade (iaitu kari ikan masin YANG NI SUMPAH FEVRETTT) dan lain-lain lagi masakan mamak because I can't live without theemmm padahalu asek nak mengharapkan Mak yang masak huh gi lah blaja masak sendiri nate mu.

P/s: awak menghilang ke mana yaw?