Post muslimah solehah wa cakap lu

I find this article very very interesting dan membuka minda. Petang tadi pun aku google cinta dalam Islam sebab aku nak tahu apa yang aku buat ni betul ke salah. Tapi kebanyakan artikel yang aku jumpa cakap tak salah menyimpan perasaan terhadap orang lain :) Yang jadi salah bila perasaan tu diluahkan padahal dua-dua belum ada ikatan lagi.  Hence leading to couple lah dating lah apa lah et cetera.

So dear awak whom I have been liking for about 7 months now, saya takkan cakap yang saya suka awak directly in your face because that would defeat the whole purpose of being in love from the Islamic perspective. I think I'll just wait until the right time (which is like another 4,5 years) before I send somebody to ask you if you're interested in me as much as I am interested in you. And while I know that there's a possibility that you would say no because you'll prolly have someone better by then whom you're a lot more interested in, I think it would mean absolutely no harm if I try my luck with you. After all, who knows that we could, perhaps, end up being together dalam ikatan yang halal :)

And I will tell you right here and right now. If you say no, then I would of course be heart broken because like DUUHH who wouldn't. But that doesn't mean that I'll keep blaming you for my miserable single life or stick huge pins in a voodoo doll version of you. Rather, I would want to thank you for an honest answer and I would probably wish you a happy life with whoever you would choose to be with. I think I have matured in a sense that I know eventhough I could like somebody very very much, it doesn't mean that I'll end up hapily married with that guy. Anything could happen and I won't be ignorant about that. It's better to embrace the reality and move on with your life rather than living in a time warp.

But THAT is what I would do, if you say no. But if you say yes, then it's a whole different story :)

Lelaki yang ikhlas dengan cintanya terhadap si perempuan akan terus datang jumpa mak bapak si perempuan ok. Gentleman sikit. Tak main lah lamar-lamar "Would you be my girlfriend" lah apa other craps lah. Tak proper la macamtu. I want my relationship with my future husband to be blesses with Allah from Day 1. From the day lelaki itu datang rumah untuk berjumpa dengan mak bapak. Oh and satu lagi, sepanjang tempoh pertunangan(?),  I do not want to go out with you, walaupun dibenarkan dengan kehadiran mahram. And unless pasal something important like membeli barang hantaran(?) or something like that. Kalau setakat nak keluar makan-makan jumpa-jumpa sembang-sembang taknak lah. Lepas kahwin nanti baru best boleh keluar jalan-jalan pegang tangan terussssss hikhikhik.

Oh and is it possible if I want the most minimal contact with my future husband? Like, message kalau penting etc etc etc. Aku takut betul kalau hubungan aku nanti tak dapat berkat dari awal. I don't want to end up in a crappy marriage just because mulakan hubungan dengan cara yang salah. I want to end up in an awesome marriage yang ada blessing Allah all the way :) Tapi sebelum tu kena senonohkan perangai dulu. Cakap je taknak buat benda-benda ni nanti sebab Iman tak kuat buat jugak -.-

Oh and one more thing, saya takkan kahwin dengan awak selagi saya tak sayang Allah lebih dari saya sayang awak :) (kena work betul-betul bab ni) Sebab cinta yang betul itu adalah cinta kerana Allah yang boleh membawa ke syurga yaw. Bukan cinta plastik murahan yang banyak bersepah ada zaman sekarang.

Harap-harap impian saya ni jadi kenyataan. Harap-harap sangat.

P/s: Segala yang ditulis dalam post ini adalah benar-benar belaka walaupun nampak macam tak betul sebab personaliti saya yang bukan seperti ini diluar. Saya ni nampak je macam ni. Tapi dalam saya awak mana tau :)

Just another average day

Mood Setan

• Tahun ni aku dapat puasa 18 hari je. Tension betul. Mau separuh mati nak kena ganti ni.

•  Aku teringin nak pakai wedges. Serious teringin gila. Tapi aku tak suka sebab nanti aku nampak freakishly tall. Kawa-kawan aku suka marah bila aku menyuarakan hasrat hati untuk memiliki sepasang wedges. "KAU DAH TINGGI APAHAL NAK PAKAI WEDGES?!" Begitulah kata-kata mereka. Tapi aku nak beli jugak one pair. Cantik ok wedges pakai dengan baju kurung untuk hari raya. 2 inches pun ok lah. Tinggi-tiggi sangat pun buat ape kan.

• Aku benci bila period. Mood aku yang memang macam celaka akan automatik jadi bertambah celaka. Perut pulak macam mintak nak kena robek dengan butcher knife. Jangan sampai aku buat betul. Kalau aku tengah period dengan mood setan and ada orang cari pasal dengan aku atau buat aku sakit hati memang aku rasa nak siat orang tu hidup-hidup dengan pisau lipat yang berkarat dan bergerigi. Padan muka.

• Tadi aku pergi Giant dengan Lin sebab teringin nak makan frozen yogurt dengan crushed almonds dekat J.Co. Lepastu ade lipas tempang dekat bawah seat kitorang watapan. Walaupun lipas tu LKU (Lipas Kurang Upaya) aku still rasa nak tenyeh dengan slipa aku. Aku benci lipas macam aku benci manusia yang berperangai khinzir. Sangat, sangat benci. Terutama lipas terbang BUBBY BETOL APAHAL KAU BOLEH TERBANG KAU NAK MIGRATE KE APA?!

• Esok Mak ajak pergi shopping raya dekat OU. Aku rasa macam takde bende pon nak beli. Baju yang ade dalam almari pun tak terpakai nak beli baju baru pulak. Aku nak mintak kasut jelah. And a new pair of pants. And maybe a new maxi dress too. Aku tak sukala maxi dress ada lengan. Nampak macam baju orang pregnant. Sebab tu dua maxi dress dalam almari tu aku tak pakai-pakai lagi. Sigh. Oh lepastu nak beli tudung untuk nak match dengan baju raya. Tak sempat pergi Jalan TAR nampaknya tahun ni. Terpaksalah aku cari pashmina dekat Jusco. Isk isk isk.

•  Aku tak suka buat ketupat. Ya famili aku jenis buat ketupat setiap kali raya. Tapi bukan ketupat empat segi yang susah haram jadah nak buat tu. Kitorang buat ketupat daun palas je. Yang tiga segi. Aku tak suka sebab kene koyak daun die and the bukak and then gunting and then lipat jadi ketupat tiag segi (aku selalu lipat jadi ketupat jantan) lepastu rendam dalam baldi semalaman. Esoknye bangun kerje aku mengelap daun palas la dari pagi sampai petang. Aku tak reti masukkan pulut kat dalam ketupat so lap daun jela kerje aku. Letih tau tak.

• Aku selalu rasa diri aku macam kucing kurap tepi jalan. Taktau kenapa.

• Aku takut nak masuk Gombak. Aku bace Kiko punye blog macam banyak gile je assignments kat main campus nanti. Sem ni pun macam dah nak pecah kepale otak aku. Haih. Aku sebenarnye taktau ape yang aku nak. Walaupun nampak macam aku dah ade plan untuk future aku tapi tak. Aku tak tau nak buat apa. Serious. Tapi takpela. Still awal lagi. Nanti lepas grad nanti baru aku nak fikir.

• Aku nak kahwin lambat sikit la. 26 ke, 27 ke. Aku nak kumpul duit pergi jalan-jalan satu dunia dengan kawan-kawan aku dulu. Lepastu baru kumpul duit kawen. Duduk terus overseas pun macam best. Baru independent sikit. Sampai bila nak duduk bawak ketiak Mak Ayah. Aku nak cube diri atas kaki sendiri jugak. Kalau takde rezeki aku nak pergi belaja overseas pergi melancong lepas dah habis belajar nanti pun ok lah. Dapat jugak pergi kan.

• Aku tak suka rambut aku. Kadang-kadang rasa macam nak botak. Senang sikit tak payah heran pasal rambut. Aku jeles dekat orang yang botak licin. Kurang satu masalah dalam hidup die.

•  Aku tengah rasa nak tumbok muka orang sekarang. Serious.

• Aku benci artis yang salahgunaka perkataan InsyaAllah. Contoh, "InsyaAllah nanti kami berdua akan berduet untuk lagu dangdut itu" Bodoh betul. Kau nak buat benda tak elok kau pergi cakap dengan izin Allah buat ape bangang? Huh. Dumblonde betul. Cube pike dulu sebelum cakap. Orang lain tengok menyampah tau tak.

• Aku rasa post ni bunyi macam bengang sebab aku tak puas hati dapat puasa 18 hari je. Rasa cam nak mencarut. Tapi nanti takde orang nak kawen dengan aku. Mampos ah. Ade jodoh ade, kalau takde aku nak jage anak kucing mate kelabu dengan Lee. End of story.

The little words that can change you

Saya tak pernah mintak untuk simpan perasaan dekat awak. Minta maaf kalau menyusahkan.

Drama Rehearsal

So here are some pictures taken from today's drama rehearsal which is also the last rehearsal. Enjoy!

Oh and the pictures are taken by Yunie's phone so takdalah macam hi-def gila ke ape.

Adalah elok jika dimulakan dengan gambar camwhoring iras rebit. PAHAL MUKE AYUNIE TAK IRAS REBIT.

Bersemangat sungguh diorang cakap yaw. Mee semangat sangat sampai berdiri apahal. Hahahahaghag. Yang bakul kat tengah tu konon-konon chest lah hikhik.

Mee semangat sekali menyentuh chest! I wonder what scene was this.

Our very very cute bread seller, Ezman! KIUT KAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNN

Very cute bread seller still struggling with his lines -________-

Mee and Uma, acting. Siti, texting -.- Yunie, fart-smiling :D

Siti, taking a break from texting -__-

Aaaaawwwwwwwwwww Una dengan Wafiy pakai baju kale matching :D

The only two guys in our group.

Alah bergurau-gurau manja pulak dua orang neeeyyy.

Siti, sambung texting -_________________-

Stage director with Ali :D

Mee tengah nak start begadoh dengan Wafiy.

Mee memaki Wafiy.

Mee tetiba bergelak ketawa dengan Wafiy ._.

Mee appearing very happy while trying to memorize the script(?)

Bread Seller megheluh. Hahahgahgahagahgahgahga.

Ezman looks so bored hahahahahhahahahahahahhaha. Ok dah sikit-sikit gamba Ezman nanti ade orang marah :P

Sesi menghafal skrip untuk cubaan berlakon tanpa merujuk skrip.

Cubaan stage director untuk menimbulkan double chin. BERJAYA! So that is how I would look if I was fat? Creepy ._.

'Ali' buying bread from the bread seller.

I like this one! :D

Arguing about THE CCCCCCHHHHHHHEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSTTTTTTTTTTTTTT.

Perempuan-perempuan props.

Alaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah comelnye share-share kertas pulaaaaaaaaaaaaaaakkk :P

And this hilarious picture of Una wraps up this post!

Farewell for now.

The Play

Aku rasa air dekat Nilai ni kotor sebab muka aku tiba-tiba naik jerawat. Dekat dagu je ade 543528 ketul. Dekat dahi takpayah cakapla dah macam pusat menternak jerawat dah ni. Kat tepi hidung pun ada. TAPI HAKU PANTANG BETUL KALAU ADA JERAWAT KAT DALAM LUBANG IDUNG WATAPAAAAAAAAAAAANNN HAKU NAK KOREK HIDUNG PUN SUSAH. Time-time raya pulak tu tetiba nak tumbuh berjemaah. Tension aku. Kalau picit nanti ade tande. Jadi makin buruk pulak time beraye nanti isk.

So anyways today will be the day that we all have been waiting for! Our drama performance yaw. Aku tengok orang lain berlatih gerun gila sebab sangat kerap dan sangat serious. Group aku baru tadi start berlatih serious padahal esok nak perform nii. Group kitorang yang first sekali perform pukul 9 pagi gulp. Tadi pun berlatih dua jam je sebab aku rasa scene kitorang ada dua je and props kitorang sumpah sikit gile. Cakap je banyak. Tu yang aku rase satu group rileks je tu -.-

Props yang abru habis buat pun pokok je. Eh tu pon tak habis betul lagi. SHIITTTT LUPA NAK CARI DAUN-DAUN BERGUGURAN NAK TAMPAL ATAS POKOK! *palm-facing* Okeh lepas ni kena turun dengan Yunie pegi cari daun-daun nak tampal. Pokok tu pun sebenarnye payung kitorang tampal tisu kale hijau kat atas HAHAGAHGAHGA. Pastu nanti nak tampal daun-daun kering and nak dirikan pakai batang penyapu and my vuvuzela!And then nak sprinkle glitter kalau hijau OMG KIUT KAN POKOK AKU KIUT KAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNN.

Lepastu untuk treasure chest kitorang nak balut bakul picnik Una dengan brown paper and then sprinkle gold glitter on top supaye nampak shining-shining and then treasure die bawah tu kitorang gumpal newspaper banyak-banyak and then on the surface taruk chocolate gold coins and pinjam Nulul punya accessories tabur kat atas!

And for the bread selling equipments we're gonna cut up the breads in different shapes or something and put all knives we can find beside the breads and Ezman is gonna sell them!

AND THE BEST PART WILL BE MAKING THEM UP! We're going to put a mustache on Una and Mee because they'll be called Ahmad and Ali in the play duh and Ahmad and Ali has to have mustaches! Oh and prolly cute little goatees too! And then we're gonna draw a beard (I really don't know how this will end up looking like) on Ezman's face and maybe put a mustache too for a good measure so that he'll look, uh, more like a bread saller? How do bread sellers look really? o_O And then for Wafiy we'd prolly just draw a mustache and a goatee too to make him look more grown up.And a turban on his head OMG IT'S GONNA BE SO AWESOMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! I just really love drawing on other people's face, I really do.

I think that's just about everything on the play. I really hope they can memorize most of their lyrics by tonight. Mee, Yunie, Una, Siti, Ezman and Wafiy. Let's kick some drama ass tomorrow! Wish us luck guys :)

Dear you,

I came across this one one blog that made me think about whether my future husband is going to accept me as a whole, or just love the parts of me that are easy to love. So dear you, I would like you to know that I would never change for you. Yes, I will honestly love you with all my heart if we ever get married but sorry I just cannot and would not change for you.

And by change, I mean to change myself as a whole. I will still wear my tudung bawal after I have married you and my style of dressing will doubtlessly still be my style of dressing. I'm sorry if you would've liked someone who wears a tudung bulat or tudung bawal yang besar tu as your wife. I know that it's a good thing to wear them, but I just cant. Ok I know that I probably can, but then it wouldn't be me. I like myself for who I am right now even though I've made a lot of mistakes because of who I am. But those are the things that will shape me up. The mistakes that I did will make me a better person than the person that I am today.

I will still be wacky and I will still be like how I am right now with my friends (I hope). If you want me to change into a sweet, gentle wife of your dreams I'm sorry I cant. If you can't accept me as I am then I think that it would be better for me if I find somebody else who will and for you to find the girl of your dreams. I'm sorry I can't be the perfect person you want. I could try, but I don't want to turn into someone I'm not. I don't want to be uncomfortable in my own shoes. I want to be me, in and out with the person who can accept me in and out. The person who would be comfortable with every aspect of my behavior no matter how nice or how nasty it might be.

I know that it's still one long hell of a way for us but I just thought that it would be better for me to say it out loud here. I like you, I really really really like you. But if I have to change myself just for the sake of being with you than I think I'll be better off without you because maybe I don't need a guy to come and tame me. Maybe I just need to find somebody just as wild to run alongside me.

Being with you would be a dream come true but if it means not being my own true self than sorry, but I guess I'll take the next bus.