Thursday, September 2, 2010

Dear you,

I came across this one one blog that made me think about whether my future husband is going to accept me as a whole, or just love the parts of me that are easy to love. So dear you, I would like you to know that I would never change for you. Yes, I will honestly love you with all my heart if we ever get married but sorry I just cannot and would not change for you.

And by change, I mean to change myself as a whole. I will still wear my tudung bawal after I have married you and my style of dressing will doubtlessly still be my style of dressing. I'm sorry if you would've liked someone who wears a tudung bulat or tudung bawal yang besar tu as your wife. I know that it's a good thing to wear them, but I just cant. Ok I know that I probably can, but then it wouldn't be me. I like myself for who I am right now even though I've made a lot of mistakes because of who I am. But those are the things that will shape me up. The mistakes that I did will make me a better person than the person that I am today.

I will still be wacky and I will still be like how I am right now with my friends (I hope). If you want me to change into a sweet, gentle wife of your dreams I'm sorry I cant. If you can't accept me as I am then I think that it would be better for me if I find somebody else who will and for you to find the girl of your dreams. I'm sorry I can't be the perfect person you want. I could try, but I don't want to turn into someone I'm not. I don't want to be uncomfortable in my own shoes. I want to be me, in and out with the person who can accept me in and out. The person who would be comfortable with every aspect of my behavior no matter how nice or how nasty it might be.

I know that it's still one long hell of a way for us but I just thought that it would be better for me to say it out loud here. I like you, I really really really like you. But if I have to change myself just for the sake of being with you than I think I'll be better off without you because maybe I don't need a guy to come and tame me. Maybe I just need to find somebody just as wild to run alongside me.

Being with you would be a dream come true but if it means not being my own true self than sorry, but I guess I'll take the next bus.

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