sometimes,i do wish i have a special somebody who wud care for me,love me as i am,appreciate me n so on.as in the opposite sex.but when i strted considering returning to the dark side,i suddenly thnk of my parents n how they wud feel if they knew wht i was doing.thts the only reason im not openly craving for a guy anymore.i love my parents more than anythng.n id never do anythng to hurt them or make them dissappointed.but i already did,a lot of times really.when i got real bad marks fer my exam,it punctures my heart to see the way their faces look crushed.so thts when i decided im going to turn on a new leaf.be a better person.for me n my parents.n for my frens too.i love them n ill try n be a better person for their sake.my new year resolution is IM GONNA MAKE MY PARENTS PROUD OF ME.ive already strted.by getting elected to be a prefect.teehee.crazy isnt it?in aa i was like the worst behaved student but in kd10 im like the best behaved n best mannered or smethng.im NOT boasting okay.thts just reality.hahaha.
hmm.its unfair tht i constantly find myself thnking of him.n rmember those lustfull happy times when we were together.it pains me whenver i suddenly thnk of him.n hearing his voice saying ily.hmm.but i know thts all in the past.when darkness reigned in me.im a whole new person now.the person who doesnt think about guys at all.or have desires to be illegally loved n evrythng.im not the person i used to be anymore.n i really glad ive changed.thres NO WAY in the world im going back to the dark times.those times when i dissappointed my parents by getting bad marks because i was so crazy 'in love'.crap.now i totally regret to have gotten involved in these kind of thngs in the first place.but ill try n forget it.LOOK AHEAD.thres no use looking back n regretting all the stupid thngs uve done.its done,just leave it n vow to urself tht ud never repeat it again.thts wht i did n im gonna hold on to my words.ahh it feels good to pour my heart out here.i feel a little relieved now. :)
dearest mummy and daddy,
i promise ill be a good daughter n make no troubles for you at all.n ill get good grades n listen to evrythng u tell me.mummy,im sorry ive never listened to you.i feel so sinned n miserable now. :(
sorry mummy.i love you n i want u to be proud of me.i realized u wont be here beside me forever.someday u will 'leave' me to fend for myself.n when tht time comes i wanna be an independant n grown up woman.not a silly little girl anymore.n daddy,i promise i wont waste ur money for unused books again like i did last year.i bought a lot of revision books but i never finished them.i didnt even strt on my chemistry n physics book. :| aihh i feel so,umm,terribly miserable.thts WORSE than miserable.i love you daddy n i vowed to myself tht ill put a smile on u n on mummys face when i get my 10A1's.i promise you daddy.i promise you..