Rrrrrrumah

Esok exam computer at 9 am dekat MPN Hall. Aku tak start belaja pun lagi. Harini takde mood betul nak belaja. Sebab hari jumaat kan. Tengok semue orang angkut beg kelua dorm, turun bawah tunggu teksi nak pegi KTM. Takpun mak bapak datang amek. Rasa macam nak raya dah(??)

Hhagahaghagahga padahal esok aku balik kan YES YES YESSSSSSSSSSS AKHIRNYA SETELAH NAK DEKAT TIGA MINGGU AKU TAK PULANG KE PANGKAL JALAN! Rindu gila dua-dua ahmad dekat rumah tu can't wait to see theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeemmmmmm :D

Lagi satu reason sebab sangat excited nak balik rumah ialah because I want to be there when Ayah is given his new phone!

Disebabkan handphone lama Ayah sudah tersangat parah iaitu bila orang call memang tak dengar etc etc, maka kami adik-beradik memutuskan (sebenanye Mak yang suruh hagahgaga) untuk membeli handphone baru kepada Ayah as a birthday gift! So haritu dapat msg dari Lin suruh masuk RM110 dalam account dia sebab phone tu RM660 so sorang kena bagi RM110 huu aku baru je dapat scholar time tu huu T_T

Tapi lepastu teringat akan Ayah yang sangat baik selalu masukkan duti bila aku dah takda duit tanpa berkira satu sen pun dan otometik aku mengeji diri sendiri sebab separa berkira nak sumbang RM110 untuk beli handphone dekat Ayah. Anak apa aku ni RM110 je pon nak kecohhh hish.

For you Ayah, I would spend my whole RM1000++ scholarship :D

Cehceh pegi spend smua duit scholarship kau untuk Ayah tengok sanggup ke taaak hahahahahgahagahga ok serious anak tak guna aku ni ._.

Tak sabar gila nak sampai rumah esok rindu rumah rindu bumbung rumah rindu pintu rumah rindu tangga rumah rindu meja makan kat rumah rindu jamban rumah tapi yang paling rindu sekali mestila orang-orang kat rumah tu :)

MAK ESOK MASAK NASIK KERABU DENGAN DAGING BAKAR DENGAN BUDU BOLEH THANKS EH MAK LOVE YOU MUAH XOXOXOXOXOXOXO.

I wanna go hooowwwwwmmmmm

Me: Salam Yah. I miss you :)

Ayah: We miss you already and we keep talking about you.

I ♥ my mum and dad.

Subsequently,

I like him.

No you don't.

Yes I do.

How do you know you like him?

I..don't know. I just do.

You can't just like someone like that. There has to be a reason.

Why must there be a reason for everything? Why can't I just like him?

Because everything happens for a reason. There is a reason for everything.

What if I say I don't know why I like him?

Then it means that you don't like him. He's just a normal crush.

No he's not. I wanna spend my whole life with him.

Yet you don't know why you like him?

I told you. I don't need a reason to like him. You can't explain love. It just happens.

No it doesn't. You love someone reasonably. For example, because he's good looking.

He is good looking I suppose.

So you're after him for his looks?

No I'm not.

So then what? His money?

No. I'm not that kind of girl. I don't go after people just because they're good looking and they have money.

Oh really?

Yes.

Why, then? why are you so into him? I can't see whats so inviting.

That's because you don't feel for him like I do.

So I have to like him first and then I'll know why you're so into him?

It doesn't work like that.

How does it work then?

I just..like him. End of story.

No it's not the end of the damn story. Why huh?

I DON'T KNOW OKAY? I DON'T KNOW.

How can you like someone without knowing why you like them?

Like I said, love happens.

You've never even met him.

So?

So it's impossible to like somebody without meeting them first.

Says who?

Everybody knows that.

No they don't. You know why? Because they've never experienced this kind of feeling. The kind of feeling that can make you just sit and think about him all day long. Even without a picture. Yes, especially without a picture.

What does a picture have to do with this?

Isn't it an acceptable social norm to look at your significant others photo whenever you miss them?

Yeah, so?

So I'm saying that, that's not the kind of feeling that I have for him. I'm not chasing him for the looks. I just.. like him.

You're not making sense.

That's because people like you just don't get people like me. You and your unthinkable logic. Why is it that there has to be a reason for everything? Is it abnormal for things just to happen?

Like what?  Babies that 'just happened' to be delivered by their mothers?

That's not my point.

THEN WHAT IS?

What I'm saying is, that sometimes, you just kind of fall into things without meaning to do so. You didn't plan for it to happen. It just..did.

Like unplanned pregnancies?

NO YOU DUPE! LIKE LOVE! LOVE LOVE LOVE!

You're pathetic. All you think about is love.

So what if I do?

There is more to life than love. You're acting as if love is the only thing that makes the world go around. Love is just something minor that happen a few times in your life. It's nothing important.

So that's your view on love?

Well, not really. But-

No wonder you don't get the message that I've been trying to convey to you all this time. You perceive love as something invaluable. Something that comes and goes. Something that doesn't last. Something you do not see the worth of.

That's absurd.

No that's not. That's exactly how you look at love.

No it's not. I'm just trying to say tha-

What? What exactly are you trying to say?

Why are we talking about this anyway? As I can recall, we were talking about your so-called significant other before you starts garbling.

He is not my significant other?

Oh? I thought you liked him?

Liking him doesn't make him my significant other.

And how does it do that?

Well, umm..he..doesn't kno-

HE DOESN'T KNOW THAT YOU LIKE HIM?

You don't have to shout.

Holy cow! I though you two were an item already! The way you kept talking about all that liking people for no reason and all the other shits.

I don't want us to be an item.

Then WHAT do you want to be?

I..well, umm..

This is absurd.

NO IT'S NOT! I just don't wanna start it in a wrong way okay?!

What wrong way?

The 'being an item' way.

How is that wrong?

Oh don't give me that 'how is that wrong' shit. You KNOW it's wrong.

I do, but-

But what huh? But because all the other people are doing it you're automatically given the divine blessing to do the same thing too? You people are so screwed up. Love is not something cheap you lunge around to every boy you can find. Love is something sacred. Something that you give with all your heart to that person you love.

You think, like my grandmother. "Love is scared. yada yada yada." Boring shit. Who the hell cares whether love is sacred or not. The important thing is to have fun. You only live once after all.

You think like a 3 year old. No, make that a 3 MONTH old.

I don't get you. Why don't you just do what everybody is doing? Get together and have fun!

I happen to be the kind of person who sticks to her principles.

So? Rules are meant to be broken. That applies to principles too.

No it doesn't.

Yes it does.

If you don's have any life principles you'd be screwed.

Whatever.

I think I don't have any other things to say to you.

You still haven't told me why you like him.

Can you stop with that already?

I'll keep nagging you.

I don't care. I'm not telling you something I don't know. But I'll tell you this, Love is not something you can put into a list.

Yes you can.

How?

Like, you love him because he's tall, dark, sexy, handsome, macho, debonair, per-

AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!

Here's the catch,

I will tell you I like you only and ONLY IF somebody can guarantee that the feeling is mutual between us.

We clear?

~

I can be the sweet tooth, You can be the dentist.

Everybody knows firebomb

Taj jadi balik rumah minggu ni. Lupa pulak exam BTQ aku hari ahad. Sigh. On top of that, esaimen tak boleh nak banyak lagi. Tapi aku kan procrastinator hebat. Jadi tak tak buat lagi. Hahahahahaha. Ok lah grammar aku dah buat separuh. Esaimen grammar yang paling comel. Kene cari 10 words from articles ke buku ke ape yang korang tak tahu and then cari definition dalam dictionary and buat ayat sendiri daripada perkataan tu. Comel kan kan kaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaann.

Esaimen CCT plaing tak comel sebab kene buat sampai 10 pages. Nasib baik double spacing. Kalau tak mati kejang aku tengah jalan. Hahahahahahaha.

Lagu ni dengan ni bes gila btw. Harini je dah dekat 56 kali aku dengar. Aku memang jenis kalau suka satu lagu tu kan, aku dengar 642818353 kali sampai dah muak gila lepastu aku tak dengar dah. Hohoho. Alah aku rasa memang most people macamtu pon kan. Kalau dah best tu memang nak dengar banyak-banyak kali bagi puas.

Dalam MP3 Saleemah banyak gile lagu bes yang tak klua radio lagi. Hairan aku mane die dapat lagu tu semue. Adakah saleemah secretly ade kawan di US yang kerja dekat Virgin Records ke ape? HAHAHA.

Berbalik kepada topik banyak esaimen, mari tengok kerja-kerja yang aku kena buat;

1. Esaimen Grammar yang comel.

2. Esaimen CCT yang tak berapa nak comel sebab kena compare barriers dalam buku Bassham dengan buku sapa eh? Err, Jamal Abdul kot nama orang tu.

3. Esaimen Drama aka Term Paper yang rasanya macam tak comel tapi taktahu sebab tak dapat full description lagi. Tapi yang ni rasenye kene compare jugak kot. Compare characters dalam The Brute and Death of A Salesman.


DEATH OF A SALESMAN TU PANJANG GILA NAK MAPUH KEGHAH BTW NAK DEKAT 60,70 MUKASURAT KE APE?

The Brute tak sampai sepuluh ok. Ke sampai tapi lebih satu. Eh.

4. Script writing untuk drama jugak. Jalan cerita semua dah ada tinggal nak tulis script je. Nasib baik presentation about 20 minutes je tak payah aku tulis sampai 50 pages. But still, how the hell do you write a script?

5.Ok dah lupa apa lagi yang aku kena buat.

6. Ade homework pape ke ah?

7. OH COMPUTER KENE BACEEE. Markah kuiz aku haritu harom gile :|

Ok taknak procrastinate dah tak elok buat kerja tu berlengah-lengah ni ciri-ciri orang munafik. Em, kan?

I shall end this post with a sentence(?)

"Don't spend too much time thinking about doing something. JUST DO THE DAMN THING ALREADY"

:)

I took this picture using Yunie's phone in Grammar class today. I don't know why (actually I do but it sounds more awesome if I say I don't know why I like certain things. But whatever.) I like these words. I think it's prolly because they just sound really cute and sweet . Don't you think so? :)

* * *

Semalam aku pergi ambek laundry dengan Yunie. And then suddenly die tanye, "Weh sape yang kuaja sangat cakap macamtu kat kau?" And obviously she was referring to my Keling post. So I was like, "Adelaaaah sorang budak tu." Lepastu Yunie sambung membebel-bebel and then she told me mase sekolah die pun pernah kena ejek hitam :| That's why sampai sekarang die ade masalah kalau kena bagi presentation. Masa Yunie cerita aku macam WHAT THE HELL TAK HITAM LANGSUNG KOT AYUNIE SAPE EJEK DIE MEMANG BUTE EJFGEJFGRFGFWEFGE3JFJRFRFGERFTYFHEGRF!!!

The only thing yang aku geram dengan orang-orang macamni is because of them, we suffer. Because of their petty teasing, we are the ones who are affected. Because of their inhumane nature, we end up feeling inferior to other people. Most of us had or worse, still have problems in daily communications. They took away our self-confidence. Our voice. The voice we were supposed to have, the confidence we were supposed to develop during our adolescent period. They took that away from us and for that, I find it hard to forgive them. I just couldn't help thinking that if it wasn't for them, I might be more confident than the not-so-confident person I am today. And yes, it's hard to not bear a grudge against them.

Imagine you were in my place. Imagine you were the one whose confidence were stripped away by cruel teasings all through your childhood. Imagine that. Imagine it and feel the pain that I've felt through those 10 years. Feel it, embrace the damn pain it. I only started to develop my self confidence when I was 17. Moving to a new school, being close friends with boys for the first time, helped me regain my confidence more than anything. I used to think that the day I talk face to face with a boy for more than 1 minute would be the end of the world. I was very conscious of myself. How I would look through his eyes. Would he be disgusted with me? Would he stopped talking to me halfway because I may perhaps appear too ugly to him?

Those kind of thoughts made me stay in my cocoon for a very long time. And please don't misunderstand what I'm trying to say. I'm not saying that it's a good thing to socialize and get it goin with boys or whatever thoughts you may be having. What I really mean is, sooner or later you will HAVE to communicate with boys. Like in group discussions or something. And it really helps to be prepared for this kind of thing or people might say you're too much of an introvert. It's nice to have guy friends, it really is. Tapi ingat batasla, tu je. 

So you see why I hate them. Those teasers. I don't hate them because of the teasings. Ok lah aku mengaku aku memang buruk gila masa sekolah rendah dengan sekolah menengah dulu. Serious. I think they just couldn't help but to tease me. But whatever. I just hate them because of what their teasings did to me. Nothing else. Tapi takpelah kalau dendam elok-elok pun tak baik.

I hereby, forgive you assholes people for all the things you said to me and for what it did. Saya maafkan anda semua, dan semoga hidup anda sentiasa dalam barakah Allah dan semoga sekarang semua dah matang tak macam budak kecik lagi perangai. Ok? :)

Keling

Just now I went to the convenience store dekat Blok B sebab nak teman Aisyah beli cardboard untuk presentation die esok. And then masa Aisyah nak bayar dekat kaunter, masuklah 3 orang budak lelaki econs. Sorang tu schoolmate aku. Tapi die tunggu dekat luar je. Yang lagi dua orang masuk beli air.Lepastu diorang beratur belakang aku dengan Aisyah. Aku perasan jugak diorang macam pandang-pandang. Tapi peduli lah sebab one of them classmate aku masa sekolah rendah. Lepastu sebab Aisyah bayar lama sangat aku pun keluar la tunggu kat luar.

And then mase Aisyah dah habis bayar she came to me and said, "Awak tau tak diorang mengutok awak kat belakang tadi?" So I asked, "Ape diorang cakap?" But Aisyah seemed very reluctant to tell me. So I pestered her and she told me, "H (my classmate) cakap dekat kawan die lagi sorang, ni la Atikah M Gazzali." Lepastu kawan die tanye, "Sape?" and then die reply, "Yang keling tu"

Masa Aisyah cakap tu tersentak hati aku. Serious sampai dah umur 19 tahun ni pun kalau ada orang cakap keling depan aku although it's not directed to me pun serious aku terasa gila. Mana tak, dari darjah satu kot aku kene ejek keling, kicap, hitam etc etc. Semue bende yang menggambarkan hitam lah aku dah kena. Selalu jugak aku menangis masa sekolah rendah dulu. Nasib baik ade Tyah. She always has my back. She knows what kind of hardship I've been through. Sepanjang zaman sekolah aku kena ejek sampai masuk sekolah menengah. That's the main reason why aku ada critical self-esteem problem. Setiap kali kena buat presentation time sekolah mesti aku menggeletar macam orang nak mati. Takut.

Aku takut masa aku berdiri dekat depan nanti tiba-tiba ada orang jerit Keling. Takpon Parya ke. And all those other names they like calling me. Aku taknak kena public humiliation. Lama jugak aku lawan sorang-sorang dengan problem ni. Masa sekolah dulu kalau jalan depan budak lelaki pun aku jalan laju gila sebab taknak bagi diorang notice aku takut kene ejek. Lepastu diorang nampak aku jalan laju diorang ejek pulak aku jalan gelabah. Sigh. Susah betul nak puaskan hati semua orang. Impossible kan?

Aku ingat dah masuk Uiniversiti ni dah takde dah orang nak ejek-ejek aku. Tengok-tengok ade lagi. I thought everybody is already grown up. Takde dah name calling-name calling ni. Like c'mon la, macam budak sekolah rendah gile kot main ejek-ejek. Serious aku rasa nak menangis bile dengar Aisyah cerita tadi. Aku ni bukannya kuat sangat. Nampak je macam bodoh-bodoh tak betul dekat lua tapi aku memang cepat gila boleh breakdown sebab benda-benda macamni.

Bile die cakap perkataan keling tu aku automatik teringat zaman sekolah aku. Dari darjah satu sampai form 4 aku endure benda tu weh. Nearly 10 years aku kena ejek. Aku tak pernah ejek balik. Aku diam je sebab aku tak suke cari pasal. Memang aku rasa aku buruk gila time tu. Memang rasa keling gila. Hitam gila. Aku ingat lagi masa aku naik form 2. Awal tahun lagi. Ada sorang classmate lelaki aku cakap daki kat badan aku gosok-gosok tak hilang sebab tu aku hitam sangat. And masa aku form 1 diorang main suluh-suluh torchlight kat belakang aku sebab diorang kata kat depan tu 'gelap sangat tak nampak'.

Cakap jelah apepun yang menggambarkan benda hitam semua aku dah kena aku rasa. Parya, afrika, keling, india. Memang aku dah lali dengan semua tu. Dah jadi benda biasa dalam hidup aku.

Tapi aku paling terasa dengan schoolmate aku tu. Haritu aku pergi arts department dengan Aisyah nak setelkan something. And then aku nampak die kat dalam office tu. Aku buat muke kat die sebab selalu kalau kitorang nampak pun tulah care kitorang nak acknowledge each other. Tapi haritu aku buat muka kat die, die buat bodoh je. Sebab time tu die dengan membe die lagi sorang daripade dalam kedai tadi tu. Aku dapat rase yang die malu kawan dengan aku. Sebab aku keling. Sebab kulit aku gelap. Sebab aku tak putih and cantik macam kawan-kawan die yang lain. Aku terase gile die buat macamtu. Aku kenal die dari sekolah rendah kot. Tapi manusie memang banyak ragam kan. Aku dah malas nak cakap banyak.

Sebab tu aku selalu terbayang-bayang bestnya kalau aku kulit putih. Mesti childhood aku tak traumatic like it was. Mesti semua orang nak kawan dengan aku. Mesti takda orang yang malu sebab kawan dengan aku. Tapi tu kalau lah aku kulit putih. Aku memang dah embrace the fact yang kulit aku gelap. Tapi bila jumpa dengan orang-orang macamni yang buat aku lemah balik. Aku dah tak larat nak lalu that phase lagi. I just can't go through it anymore. I still remember that stinging unbearable pain I always felt whenever people call me names. It hurts. It just hurts too much.

And I don't want to feel it anymore.

This is a dead blog

My mid semester exams are coming so I can't really update as much as I used to :| HAHA macam kalau bukan exam hari-hari je aku update kan. Birthday Nazif punya pictures haritu pun aku tak tunjuk lagi. Sigh banyak betul ekrja tertangguh(?) Takpe takpe this week habis subjek-subjek yang agak crucial so weekend ni balik rumah boleh catchup dengan blog updates. Or whatever. Hmm macam cakap dengan diri sendiri pula.

Btw awak, ya AWAK YANG SAYA SUKA TU. Awak tahu tak kat Nilai ni ada sorang junior muka SEBIJIK SEJIBUN macam awak? MEMANG SAMA 1098265435278% GILA WEH MUKA KORAAANGGG! Ok exaggerate hahaaghaghaghaga. Takdelah sama macam twins separatedat birth ke ape tapi kalau nak cakap adik beradik tu memang pas la wehh. Tahap keirasan adalah dalam 75% macamtu. Tapi opkoslah awak lagi hangsum kan ♥

Yang junior ni pulak ade awek so setap kali saye nampak die dating dengan awek die kat kedai makan or library or nampak diorang jalan berdua saya macam nampak awak yang tengah berdating lalu rasa macam nak ketuk kepala si awek tu dengan buku literature hard cover sampai pecah. HA HA HA. Dahlah semalam masa saya nak hantar baju laundry (aku malas gila basuh baju minggu ni taktahu kenapa. Tapi lepas kawen mesti rajin EHEHEHEHEHEHEHHEHEHE) nampak pulak klon awak dan aweknya jalan kat depan dua-dua pakai baju ungu uweyftewkrfhjweg3fyefgirguyrgjer. PAYUNG PUN NAK UNGU WTF?

Tapi saya masih rasional dan saya tahu yang berdating tu bukan awak jadi saya takdalah pergi baling plastik baju busuk saya yang padat tu kat kepala diorang. Saya tahu awak tak maen ah dating-dating ni. AWESOME GILA WEH AWAK NI MAKIN LAMA MAKIN SUKA SAYA AAAWWWWW(?)

Tiba-tiba rasa macam dah lama pulak tak cakap dengan awak melalui blog ni. Hai awak. Pekaba? Awak tengah exam kan sekarang? Macamana semua boleh buat? :)

Creepynya saya ni. Saya rasa kalau saya jadi awak pun saya seram dengan diri saya sendiri. Okeh taksabarnakkahwindenganawak bai.

Ketahian apakah ini?

I like those three words. I really do. It's kind of like wtf in malay. I think.

Well anyways I fasted today. And with every passing second I was almost convinced that my stomach is gonna excrete 8486774.0 MOL hidroklorik asid or whatever it's called and it'll burn a big hole in my stomach. Aku jengkel betul bila puasa dan perut tetiba jadi pedih. Hari tak puasa kau taknak pedih plak? (?)

So bukak puasa tadi aku ingat nak makan Ayam Penyet Ria yang sangat sodap sampai boleh dfyuwhghgffvgfhej sebab sedap sangat SERIOUSSSS MEMANG SEDAAAAPPP. Tambah-tambah aku tengah puasa kan memangla mengidam mengalahkan orang yang mengandung. Aku pun pesanlah kat Aisyah sebab die pegi Giant dan kedai Ayam Penyet yang sangat sedap hanye ade di Giant huu sungguh hiba kenapa tak bukak satu sebelah kedai makcik ni ha T_T

But then pejadah masalah pulak kedai tu ada so tutup PAHAM TAK FRUSTASI AKU NAK MAKAN AYAM PENYET TAK DAPAT PAHAM TAK PAHAM TAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKKKKKKKKKKKK???!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And I ended up having soto.

Oh and aku sangat terganggu dengan perut aku yang menjadi buncit seperti orang mengandung lepas buka puasa. Serious macam orang mengandung err, 5 bulan kot. Buncit die bukan macam buncit lemak ok. Ni memang buncit mengandung. Lepastu dah nampak macam orang mengandung kan aku pon ape lagi bergaye ah depan cermin konon-konon mengandung HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA. Habes motherly ah muka aku buat depan cermin tu sambil mengusap-ngusap anak tahi di dalam perut.

Tak salaah kaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan berangan-angan ehegehgehegheheheegehegheghegehgehegheg. Kalau mengikut perancangan lagi 7,8 tahun insyaAllah mengandunglah aku(??) so apa salahnya practice membawa anak dari sekarang CEH CEH HAHAHAHAHAHA GELI GILA HAKUUU.

Kadang-kadang aku sumbat blackie (bantal bulat warna hitam yang Nody bagi untuk birthday aku dua tahun lepas) dalam baju dan pura-pura berjalan macam aku mengandung HOHOHOHOHOHO KENAPAKAH AKU CERITA BENDA-BENDA MEMALUKAN YANG AKU BUAT NI?

Alah macam korang tak pernah buat pulak aaaaaaaaaaaaaannnn HAHAGHAGAGA. Yang lelaki tu lain crite la freaky gile kalau korang pun buat wtf.

Bes kot pura-pura mengandung dahlah kalau sumbat blackie dalam baju memang macam mengandung dah 9 bulan ah sebab blackie agak besar untuk menjadi bayi(?) Lepastu jalan-jalan depan cermin dengan muka konon-konon letih sebab bawak bebi berat kan HAHAHAHGAHAGHAGHAGHGA.

Macamanela kalau mengandung betul-betul nanti eh?

Aku rase kau kurang ajar gile. Tapi aku taknak cakap lebih-lebih la an. Aku tak suke gadoh-gadoh macam kau. Stupid pathetic bully. God knows how much I despise you.

I feel sofa king miserable right now

Aku dah malas nak pike pasal kawen-kawen ni. Mampos la aku kawen ke tak kawen sampai tue ke. Mampos la smue tu. Kalau ade jodoh aku kawen kalau takde peduli ape aku. Aku dah malas paham tak dah malas?

Haih.

Kadang-kadang aku rase macam nak dudok sorang-sorang tengah hutan dengan binatang-binatang kat situ. Aku dah tak kuase nak dudok dengan orang. Aku dah tak tahan dengan ragam manusie. The first thing I'm going to do bila aku dah mampu nanti is buy a house and bela kucing banyak-banyak. Aku rasa kalau aku duduk dengan 30 kucing lagi senang dari dudok dengan seorang manusia. Tak banyak songeh. Bahagia hidop aku. Kawan-kawan aku smue dah kawen and aku tak kawen pon aku tak nak amek peduli. Kau nak kawen, kawenlah. Aku tak rasa aku nak kawen sekarang ni.

Tapi tu aku rasa at this exact moment. Taktaula lagi 2,3 hari berubah balik ke ape kan perasaan aku ni. Tapi sekrang ni serious aku memang nak bele kucing je. Memangla sunah nabi kan kawen. Tapi entahlah, nafsu aku sekarang ni memang nak bela kucing je. Nafsu kawen aku memang dah hilang 100%. Letih dahlah aku nak pike. Hari-hari cakap pasal kawen tengok-tengok nanti dah umo 40 pon tak kawen-kawen lagi. Tapi peduli ah kan. Lagi suka aku jaga kucing-kucing aku nanti.

Sebab kadang-kadang aku lagi suka deal dengan haiwan dari deal dengan orang. Kenapa orang kene complicated sangat? Kenape kenape kenape? Mampos kau la.

Dahlah sukehati kaulah nak buat ape. Aku taknak amek tau aku dah malas nak amek tau aku dah tak larat nak jage kate-kate aku nak jage tingkah laku and all those other shits. Aku tak amek tau pasal kau, kau takyah amek taulah pasal aku. Aku dah tak heran dengan kau, kau takyahlah heran dengan aku. Aku nak heran dengan kucing-kucing aku je. Bia la orang cakap aku miserable ke loser ke. Aku tak heran.

Asalkan aku happy dengan kucing-kucing aku.

Because sometimes, you just don't have to understand.

I wanna be single for the rest of my fucking life.Period.

Never believe me when I say I'll be on a hiatus

I've been listening to too many rock kapak jiwang songs. I don't think it's doing any good to me, given my situation right now. Miserable. And I know that it's doing any good to me. But I still keep on listening to it. Is this stupid? Am I stubborn? I hate knowing things are bad for me but I still keep on doing them anyways. It FEELS stupid. But whatever.

God this is going to be such a pointless post. I know it. So I'm gonna stop. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHHAHAHA.

Anyways, Nazif's birthday is going to be next week! My little kubi is going to be one :D He just looks so adorable these few weeks. With his 6 growing teeth and all. When he smiles rase macam nak tumbok je sebab comel sangat. HUH. And he's become a lot more playful too. Kalau dulu kerje die merangkak sane sini sane sini je sekarang dah pandai cak-cak orang and kalau die geram he makes the cutest gesture he'll be like genggam satu tangan and lagi satu die bukak luas-luas and then he'll like vibrate(?) a bit.

COMEL GILE WEI SUMPAH.

And I'm not just saying this because he's my nephew and I'm being conceited or whatever. I'm saying it BECAUSE HE IS CUTTTTTTTEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. If he was a random baby I saw o the streets I would totally go crazy over him. Really, I would.

Can't wait to go back home next week alreadehh. Walaupun belum balik Nilai lagi. Ho Ho Ho. Free-free dapat balik rumah dua minggu bertulut-tulut.

P/s: No words could describe how much I miss seeing you online.