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Semalam aku pergi ambek laundry dengan Yunie. And then suddenly die tanye, "Weh sape yang kuaja sangat cakap macamtu kat kau?" And obviously she was referring to my Keling post. So I was like, "Adelaaaah sorang budak tu." Lepastu Yunie sambung membebel-bebel and then she told me mase sekolah die pun pernah kena ejek hitam :| That's why sampai sekarang die ade masalah kalau kena bagi presentation. Masa Yunie cerita aku macam WHAT THE HELL TAK HITAM LANGSUNG KOT AYUNIE SAPE EJEK DIE MEMANG BUTE EJFGEJFGRFGFWEFGE3JFJRFRFGERFTYFHEGRF!!!
The only thing yang aku geram dengan orang-orang macamni is because of them, we suffer. Because of their petty teasing, we are the ones who are affected. Because of their inhumane nature, we end up feeling inferior to other people. Most of us had or worse, still have problems in daily communications. They took away our self-confidence. Our voice. The voice we were supposed to have, the confidence we were supposed to develop during our adolescent period. They took that away from us and for that, I find it hard to forgive them. I just couldn't help thinking that if it wasn't for them, I might be more confident than the not-so-confident person I am today. And yes, it's hard to not bear a grudge against them.
Imagine you were in my place. Imagine you were the one whose confidence were stripped away by cruel teasings all through your childhood. Imagine that. Imagine it and feel the pain that I've felt through those 10 years. Feel it, embrace
the damn pain it. I only started to develop my self confidence when I was 17. Moving to a new school, being close friends with boys for the first time, helped me regain my confidence more than anything. I used to think that the day I talk face to face with a boy for more than 1 minute would be the end of the world. I was very conscious of myself. How I would look through his eyes. Would he be disgusted with me? Would he stopped talking to me halfway because I may perhaps appear too ugly to him?
Those kind of thoughts made me stay in my cocoon for a very long time. And please don't misunderstand what I'm trying to say. I'm not saying that it's a good thing to socialize and get it goin with boys or whatever thoughts you may be having. What I really mean is, sooner or later you will HAVE to communicate with boys. Like in group discussions or something. And it really helps to be prepared for this kind of thing or people might say you're too much of an introvert. It's nice to have guy friends, it really is. Tapi ingat batasla, tu je.
So you see why I hate them. Those teasers. I don't hate them because of the teasings. Ok lah aku mengaku aku memang buruk gila masa sekolah rendah dengan sekolah menengah dulu. Serious. I think they just couldn't help but to tease me. But whatever. I just hate them because of what their teasings did to me. Nothing else. Tapi takpelah kalau dendam elok-elok pun tak baik.
I hereby, forgive you
assholes people for all the things you said to me and for what it did. Saya maafkan anda semua, dan semoga hidup anda sentiasa dalam barakah Allah dan semoga sekarang semua dah matang tak macam budak kecik lagi perangai. Ok? :)