Wednesday, July 21, 2010

:)

I took this picture using Yunie's phone in Grammar class today. I don't know why (actually I do but it sounds more awesome if I say I don't know why I like certain things. But whatever.) I like these words. I think it's prolly because they just sound really cute and sweet . Don't you think so? :)

* * *
Semalam aku pergi ambek laundry dengan Yunie. And then suddenly die tanye, "Weh sape yang kuaja sangat cakap macamtu kat kau?" And obviously she was referring to my Keling post. So I was like, "Adelaaaah sorang budak tu." Lepastu Yunie sambung membebel-bebel and then she told me mase sekolah die pun pernah kena ejek hitam :| That's why sampai sekarang die ade masalah kalau kena bagi presentation. Masa Yunie cerita aku macam WHAT THE HELL TAK HITAM LANGSUNG KOT AYUNIE SAPE EJEK DIE MEMANG BUTE EJFGEJFGRFGFWEFGE3JFJRFRFGERFTYFHEGRF!!!

The only thing yang aku geram dengan orang-orang macamni is because of them, we suffer. Because of their petty teasing, we are the ones who are affected. Because of their inhumane nature, we end up feeling inferior to other people. Most of us had or worse, still have problems in daily communications. They took away our self-confidence. Our voice. The voice we were supposed to have, the confidence we were supposed to develop during our adolescent period. They took that away from us and for that, I find it hard to forgive them. I just couldn't help thinking that if it wasn't for them, I might be more confident than the not-so-confident person I am today. And yes, it's hard to not bear a grudge against them.

Imagine you were in my place. Imagine you were the one whose confidence were stripped away by cruel teasings all through your childhood. Imagine that. Imagine it and feel the pain that I've felt through those 10 years. Feel it, embrace the damn pain it. I only started to develop my self confidence when I was 17. Moving to a new school, being close friends with boys for the first time, helped me regain my confidence more than anything. I used to think that the day I talk face to face with a boy for more than 1 minute would be the end of the world. I was very conscious of myself. How I would look through his eyes. Would he be disgusted with me? Would he stopped talking to me halfway because I may perhaps appear too ugly to him?

Those kind of thoughts made me stay in my cocoon for a very long time. And please don't misunderstand what I'm trying to say. I'm not saying that it's a good thing to socialize and get it goin with boys or whatever thoughts you may be having. What I really mean is, sooner or later you will HAVE to communicate with boys. Like in group discussions or something. And it really helps to be prepared for this kind of thing or people might say you're too much of an introvert. It's nice to have guy friends, it really is. Tapi ingat batasla, tu je. 

So you see why I hate them. Those teasers. I don't hate them because of the teasings. Ok lah aku mengaku aku memang buruk gila masa sekolah rendah dengan sekolah menengah dulu. Serious. I think they just couldn't help but to tease me. But whatever. I just hate them because of what their teasings did to me. Nothing else. Tapi takpelah kalau dendam elok-elok pun tak baik.

I hereby, forgive you assholes people for all the things you said to me and for what it did. Saya maafkan anda semua, dan semoga hidup anda sentiasa dalam barakah Allah dan semoga sekarang semua dah matang tak macam budak kecik lagi perangai. Ok? :)

6 comments:

Perempuan beremosi tinggi. said...

The only reason as to why I did not take this post seriously and write a post about this in my blog is because to be fucking honest (and I meant the f-word), I have always been jealous of you because you're so, much, way, prettier, than me. I can have the fairest skin in the whole school, but I still can never beat your arabic features I can never get. And the way you can fucking pull off the eyeliner look and the jersey-material tudung or selendang. No matter how hard I tried (and believe me, I fucking tried), I can never get as pretty as (at least) your facebook profile picture (minus Nazif wtf).

I am always self-concious about my nose and the way it crooks a little bit in pictures so I hate all the fugly pictures of me. And my boobs. You know the thing about my boobs.

Sincerely,
your fucking fair-faced friend who doesn't take your post seriously.

Aika said...

dear fucking fair faced friend who doesn't take my post seriously,

i could not care less about how you look because you are my most awesome friend. and i fucking mean this, fyi. you are the first person to know who i am crushing on because you are the one person i trust with my whole life and i know i could tell you anything however big or small they may be.

i gave you my facebook password for the same reason.

like i said, there are things that i have and you dont and vice versa. if you envy me for my looks then i would fucking kill for your brain, bitch. i always feel miserable thinking that you're going to the states next year and i would be stuck here in a rut meeting the same people and doing the same thing.

to be honest with you, id rather have the brains. i don't like being the average person i am. when i tell my friends about you and where you're studying i always get the same reaction. "WTF KTJ PANDAI GILA SIAL KAWAN KAAAUUUUUUUU!!" and here i am in uia taking some lame-ass course that nobody really wants.

you, my fucking fair faced friend, are the most awesome friend and i love you for what and who you are.

yours truly,
your half-brained friend who lives in a fucking rut.

Aika said...

and one more thing, your nose does not look crooked and i dont have a boyfriend. so you dont need to feel so miserable.

Perempuan beremosi tinggi. said...

<3

Perempuan beremosi tinggi. said...

Penis.

ceLy. said...

hahaha.
beleive me aika, i experienced the same thing. -_-"
tp biarkan je.
what a douchebag.