Sunday, November 7, 2010

It's been 4 years and I thought I've gotten over it. But clearly I haven't. Please don't acknowledge me. Please don't remember me. Please don't say hi. Please.. just don't be aware of my existence. I'm begging you. Stop coming out of nowhere. Stop bringing back all the memories. Stop it. Please just stop all of it. It may not mean anything to you. But it hurts when the memories of yesterday comes rushing in once again, surrounding my head with what we used to have. It hurts when I start to hope again. It hurts when I have finally convinced myself that I am over you, just to have that confidence stripped away from me the moment you said hello.

 It's true when they say the first love is always the best love.

At least until you get a taste of something better than best. And you know what, I keep wondering if there is such thing as a love that is better from the best. But my wonders are often left unanswered. And I keep convincing myself again that yours was the best love I have ever had and probably the best I will ever get.

So please stop acknowledging me. I'm tired of getting hurt. As sick as I am being single, I don't want to go through the misery-filled days that I have once went through. 4 years is such a long time to get over somebody. I don't want to keep hoping and expecting that you'll come back. That you remembered what we used to be. That the feelings are still there for us to seize. I don't want all that anymore. I just want you to forget me. Forget that I ever existed. Forget that I was once, briefly, a part of your life. Forget everything. Is that too much to ask?

You see what mixed emotions can be triggered by just a 'Hi'? I'm a girl. This is what I do. I break. All the time. It may be because of you or because of something else. But I would honestly rather if it was because of something else. Please don't let it be you. I don't want you to be the reason anymore. You've had your time. You've made me miserable. You've reduced my feelings to shit. You've broken me. Now please don't do it all over again.

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