Rants

Hi. I'm at my brother's house in Shah Alam. I've been here since yesterday because saja want to teman my kakak ipar because my brother will be in Sabah for two weeks starting last week because of work.

Wah banyaknya because.

So anyways there's not really anything much one can do around here. It's just like being home. Seriously. Putting aside the fact that mum and dad are not here and I can wake up at any time I want HAHAHAHA, it's just like being home. And Naqib's being really annoying. He would punch me and kick me randomly whenever he walks past me AND IT HURTS OK. I'm stick thin and he's chubby for a four year old. I think the bruises that randomly appear on my body once in a while is because of his punches. And maybe Nazif's constant tripping with me as the safety landing mat. Blergh, nephews.

So anyways that day I was having a conversation with Naqib about people being pissed and yelling at him. I told him people yelled because they love him (which is half-true. HAHAHAHA. Other times I just yell because I feel like yelling. Keji, I know) and then he asked, "Habis yang Aunty Kah selalu pegang Naqib kuat-kuat tu kenape?" and then I jokingly answered, "Oh tu sebab Aunty Kah nak tunjuk yang Aunty Kah sayang Naqib HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA." But his question actually strucked me deep in the heart.

See, I was frequently beaten by my mother when I was growing up. Mostly because of my really bad behavior. I've mentioned this before. So it's not possible that I take after my mother in this department. Naqib selalu tersentak bila aku menjerit. But then again he was being annoying or poking his big nose in places where he shouldn't be in the first place so I'm just doing my job as an aunt really. Hahaha. My patience with him is also ice-thin and I juts can't stand it when he's being an attention seeker. It's just so annoying. And it's not like I'm very good with fighting the urges to yell at him anyway. I think that's why he kind of hates me and is always randomly punching me. But whatever.

When I'm with Naqib my anger management really sucks. It's like I can't control my rage at all. Most of the time I just yell at him but when he does something that REALLY REALLY pisses me I would pinch him and sometimes squeeze his arms until he cries. Like what my mother used to do to me. But my mother was a lot more hard core of course. She used broomsticks and hangers and bulu ayams and her hand and her feet. Well, basically everything that's in sight. People would've called it child abuse. But it's just my mother's way of bringing us up and disciplining us. And I started to understand that when I got older.

I used to think that my mother doesn't love me whenever she beats me. I would always think that I was adopted and unwanted and my existence was just plainly uncalled for. And I would convince myself that I'm a worthless piece of shit. And the teasings I got at school doesn't help either. But as I grew older, I started to really understand the meaning of 'Mak pukul sebab mak sayang'. I used to always think that I was just an anger-venting tool to my mother. Nothing more. But then I got older and I started to think about what would happen if my mother hadn't do what she had done. What kind of human being would I be? What kinf of characteristics would I have? Would I still be me? Would I respect my parents just as much as I respect them now?

Regardless of how my mother had kind of treated me like a rag doll when I was younger, I had started to understand the purpose of that method of upbringing and I love her for what she has done.

So anyways, like they say ; Kalau sayang anak tangan-tangankan and kalau sayang kekasih tinggal-tinggalkan or something.

Seriously parents these day pamper their children like crazy I tell you. Kalau cikgu rotan siap pergi sekolah nak saman cikgu. Tu untuk the wellbeing of your children jugak. Kalau anak kau tak buat salah, cikgu takkan pukul punye. Takpayah nak manjakan sangat anak-anak kau tu. Nanti besar-besara tak reti nak be independent. Kau suka anak kau bergantung hidup kat kau sampai bila-bila? Unable to stand on their own two feet? Tapi takpayahlah sampai extreme sangat pegi dera anak kau hari-hari -_-

I think the escalation of the social problems these days is because some parents just couldn't be bothered. They don't care. They don't give a damn about what their children do under their own supervision. They've blinded themselves with what they want to see, not with whats is really happening in front of them. You have to realize the seriousness of the problems around you before you can take action. If you keep living in your own cocoon, how are you going to turn the wrongs into rights?

Raise your children right or they might just put you into a caretaking center for old people. And then you'll be regretting their upbringing but seriously, there wouldn't be anything you can do about it when the time comes. So yeah.