Being bestfriend-less.

I hate the fact that you've changed a whole lot since we first started becoming friends.

I hate the fact that that i don't receive as many messages from you as i used to during high school.

and I really hate the fact that you're suddenly morphing into someone i don't even know a tick about in a really short period of time.

I hate it. I hate it all.

I used to think that we would keep on being the best of friends, the closets buddies, the inseparable pals forever. and i meant, FOR EVER.

but instead you had to go and ruin it all, by changing.

change change change.

have you never considered how i would feel when i was told that you had a boyfriend AFTER you broke up with him?

have you ever considered how i would feel knowing it from someone i have never met my entire life? a total stranger?

have you ever considered my feelings at all, for that matter?

i've been refusing to believe the fact that you would rather lie to me than face my disapproval of your relationship.

but now, i'm starting to get the grip of reality.

but im still infuriated that the only reason you didn't bloody tell me about your boyfriend was because you said i'd be mad at you.

i can't believe you simply lied to me. i just, cant.

i thought best friends were supposed to tell each other everything.

i thought we were supposed to share every single shit in our lives with each other.

i thought we were sisters.

but then i was proven wrong.

you couldn't have ever felt how hurt i was feeling at that time. i told you EVERY SINGLE SHIT that ever happened to me. i never hid anything from you.

you had a boyfriend. and i never knew about him. at least not from you anyway.

i knew that we had faced personal difficulties trying to keep up with each others life since we separated two years ago. we weren't in the same school anymore. we weren't in the same class anymore. we weren't sitting next to each other anymore.

when i knew you and i were going to the same college i was so very happy. needless to say, i was thrilled at the prospect of getting to see you everyday, spending breaks together, gossiping about guys as we did when we were in high school.

but i hadn't anticipated what would become of you and me.

now i know that school life and college life are two wholly different things. we wouldn't have time to hang around with one another because both of us would be really busy with our own workloads.

now i know.

i just wanted to tell you that you can't imagine how devastated i was when i knew that you hadn't shared with me the most basic things in our friendship.

now you see how little things are are usually taken for granted can probably be the cause of the end of our friendship.

i'm aware of the number of guys you have in your phonebook. but you told me they were all friends. and i believed you. like a stupid, trusting, curious less being i did what i've done.

i bloody bloody trusted you.

can you feel how betrayed i felt when i was told about it? can you? can you?

maybe you won't be reading this in the near future because i know that you rarely open my blog. but when you do, i want you to know that it'll be really hard to forgive you for the pain you've caused, the unconscious betrayal that you've succeeded in doing.

this isn't an immature post, this is my blog.