Monday, October 18, 2010

Book review : Aku Terima Nikahya

Mann, I have been obsessing about this book haven't I ._.

Well to start it off with, the content of the book differed from my early expectations of it. But in a very good way. It changed my perception on quite a few things things, not just the love part.

The book started with the Ustaz telling us how he met his wife and everything. It was really simple. He was of age and wanted to get married so he asked his married friend to find him a wife. And they did. And he agreed ._. I wish I could be like that you know. It's just like you're tawakkal-ing to Allah about who He has destined the love of your life to be. As long as she loves Allah as much as you do then you're all set to go. And the first time he saw his wife's face is during the bertunang ceremony. Wow.

So then it was decided that their engagement period was to be 2 years. And they went to Ireland (yeah both of them were studying in Ireland at that time or something) to continue with their own lives. His wife was studying to become a doctor and he was working as an Iman at a masjid I think. He's also really active in giving talks and stuffs. Although they were both in Ireland, but they weren't in the same place. To get from his place to hers would require him to embark on an 8 hour journey by train. Pheww.

What he wrote about this engagement part was very interesting. He made clear of how you should treat your fiancee and how you should communicate with her. Most people think that being engaged is like a ticket to do things that you're forbidden to do with your fiancee (or any ajnabi for that matter) like holding hands etc etc. because after all, you're only one teeny step way from marriage. But really, don't do that. Being engaged doesn't mean you can go berjoli with your fiance. You're still not married ok. Bear that in mind.

Oh but you are allowed to communicate with your fiancee. Like duhh, how else would you discuss marriage plans? Calls and messages are allowed. But do not go overboard. You know the limit. Stop when things start to feel funny. Ok I know she's gonna be your wife and everything BUT YOU'RE STILL NOT MARRIED TO HER YET. So jaga batas, ok. He even wrote about about some guy asking him, "Ustaz, berapa kali saya boleh call tunang saya?" LOOOOOOOOOOOOOL.

Ok sebenarnya aku pun tertanya-tanya jugak pasal benda ni ._. Hihi.

So the Ustaz laughed and said something like, "Do you really think ada hadith or ayat Quran yang mention how many times you can call your fiance?" Then he said about knowing your limit and when to end the call. You can call just to ask her how she's doing. I mean, she's your fiance right f course you would wanna know how she's doing. Or if you wanna talk about wedding preparations and such. Tapi toksahle begayot 4,5,6 jam tengah-tengah malam. Tu bukan berbincang namenye -_-

And then he wrote about how his wife got pregnant during her housemanship period and how her colleagues told her that she's crazy because she's pregnant and stuffs. And during this time, although they were already married but they weren't living in the same place. The ustaz had to work someplace else and his wife was doing housemanship in some other place. Kesian gila ._.

So then their first child was born and then the second shild and then the third child. And from this point onwards he discussed about how hard it is being parents. How you're always busy with your work. How you're not always there for your children when they need you the most. There was one topic where he wrote about how we can't separate children from cartoon. Like Barney. Barney is a big, huggable, warmth and loving dinosaur. And our children (our children wtf) loves Barney because he radiates love in all his actions. But most parents are always trying to separate their children from these kind of shows because they don't want their children to end up being delusional about Barney or something when Barney was really just a substitute for them when their parents were out working.

Barney radiates love. But what do their parents radiate? They don't spend enough time with their children until at one point their children have to depend on Barney for artificial love. And suddenly they come and take this artificial love away without giving any real love in return.

That part moved me deeply ._.

And the there was another topic about how we shouldn't raise our voice to our children (this is beginning to sound really weird). Children see their parents as their heros, their role models. So they would always want to copy what their parents do. Notice how abused children grow up being abusers, or worse, murderers? Yeah. He also said that we shouldn't scold our children because they'll grow and being pemarah. Now I know why Naqib always screams at us. Maybe we screamed at him too much while he was developing his character. Sigh.

You have to reason with children. Don;t just simply scold them and shove them away. You have to tell them nicely why they can't do this and that. Tell them. Children actually like to be treated like adults. So treat them like adults. Don;t patronize them too much. When they ask, you answer. Maybe by encouraging them to ask a lot of question while they were in pre-school would do a lot of good to them once they enter the real school.

Besides a big part on how to cope with children, he also wrote about men and women. If I was not mistaken, Al-Ghazali once said about how men have nine akal and one nafsu and how women have nine nafsu and one akal. There is actually an implicit meaning about that saying. It basically mean that men are more to logic and women are more to emotions. That's why men just don't get women. A woman would be all screaming if she found out that she has put on a couple of pounds because in her head, she might be thinking about what her friends would say when they see her, will she fit into the skinniest of her jeans and how dreadful it would be to give up muffins and ice cream so that she could diet. But men just don't think as much. When they see that they've put on a couple of pounds all they think about is, "Well, we'll all have pot bellies one day. So what the heck." Their minds are concentrated on logic, so there.

At least I think so because I'm not really a man so I don't really know how a man thinks ._.

And then there a part on how some people use their inability to hold on much longer without having sex as a reason to get married. Marriage is not all about sex. Yes, sorry I'm being to honest here but that's the reality. Some people just wanna get married so that they could have sex and it wouldn't be fornication because HEY, I'M MARRIED!

But really guys, if you couldn't even handle the pressure of having sex, how would you handle the bigger things that are yet to come once you get married? The challenges you'll face that makes you know that marriage isn't a big bed of roses. Even roses have their thorns. So what makes you think getting married is a good option?

The prophet said, kalau tak tahan dan tak mampu berkahwin, PUASA. Bukan pergi Chow Kit. Ish.

Then at the end of the book he emphasized about how difficult marriage actually is, but how easy it could be if the husband and wife is committed to their family as father and mother and to their selves as husband and wife. Every marriage will have it's own issues and stuff, you just gotta work it out as a family. Or so he said lol.

So yeah, it was a really good book. Not what I expected, but in a good way. But seriously, you should read it kalau gatal sangat nak kahwin, like me. Hihihi.

P/s: This isn't really a book review isn't it ._. it's more a combination of the content of the book and my opinion on the book. But whatever.


Ftn Fth said...

ftn pun dah terpikat sekali dgn buku ni. rasa macam patut baca ;D

Aika said...

memang patut! :D

ceLy. said...

dh ade aku terima nikahnya 2 kann ?