Thursday, October 28, 2010

They should've just stopped at 1

I just finished watching the Titanic II. I don't know if it's out in the cinemas yet or is already out (I don't go to the cinema that often lol) but let me tell you something about this movie. IT SUCKS. Every crappy angle, every crappy scene, every crappy actors SUCK.

Let me give you a brief review of what this movie was all about.

It started off with this weird surfer guy paddling his way to the middle of the ocean in the south pole or something. Yes, there were ice bergs all around him and do you know what he was doing all along with his surfing board in the middle of the freezing ocean? HE WAS WAITING FOR THE ICE BERGS TO FALL DOWN OR WHATEVER AND CREATE A BIG MOFOING WAVE SO THAT HE CAN SURF! WTF WTF WTF WTF WTF.

Whatever happened to surfing in Hawaii? Iceberg surfing? Reall? Blergh.

So then while he was waiting for the second iceberg to fall he noticed that something was amiss because I   I didn't want to remember why because the movie was so lame forgot what and suddenly a lot of ice berg (or were they called glacier? I don't know I got B for my Geography ._.)  starts falling at the same time and he was freaked out because there was this gigantic huge tsunami wave coming at him so he started to paddle back but he drowned I think. Not that it matters because he wasn't hot anyway. Hahaha.

The next scene showed that someone had alerted the US coast guard who's really just this old guy and he went on a helicopter to see the glacier stuff with another guy called Snide. Or something. And when he arrived, there was a researcher (I didn't really remembered the characters name BECAUSE THE MOVIE WAS SO NOT WORTH REMEMBERING) who is a young women and the woman told him something about the thinning of the glacier and how it's gonna collapse in no time LIKE WTF IF THE GLACIER IS GONNA COLLAPSE THEN WHY ARE YOU STILL FREAKING STANDING ON IT? I don't get this movie. Seriously. So then the most predictable thing happened which is the glacier starts to crack here and there and they were both running to the helicopter and the women slipped and the old guy helped her back up yada yada yada and then they were saved TADAAA. Meh.

Meanwhile, there was this ship called the Titanic II which is about to make it's first sail or something. It looks like the sunk Titanic I think and people were waving at each other and here comes the heroin! She's a nurse on board with her friend. And then before going on that ship her father (the old man) called her and told her how he doesn't want her to go that ship because of safety concerns or whatever. But OF COURSE she said everything is gonna be ok and he shouldn't be worrying. After that she boarded the ship and on the way she met her ex who is apparently the one who made the ship (he's some multimillionaire I think) and they exchanged awkward hi's and I din't remember what happened after that.

You know the really annoying part is that whenever the camera shows the ship as a whole, I mean from a fling bird's angle or something the ship LOOKED SO FAKE. IT'S TEXTURE, IT'S MOVEMENT, THE OCEAN AND EVEN THE MOON! Everything looked like it was like cartoonized which is really unprofessional. Take it from me, comparing this movie to the original Titanic would be like comparing Twilight to Harry Potter. It's impossible because one is just so friggin awesome and the other is completely and utterly rubbish.

So then the old guy has the HQ of the coast guard alert every single ship there is on the atlantic ocean about the upcoming mega tsunami thing and naturally the people in the Titanic II would freak out and tell everybody to go to the lower deck so that they can board the life boat. The only thing awesome about this movie is it's life boat. It looks like a frickin submarine! Cool, I know. And the way it was released will make you go like, "Woah cool."

But that's it. Even the splashing of the water when the boat is released looks fake -_-

IS THERE ANYTHING REAL IN THIS MOVIE? URRRGGHHHH.

So because the captain of the shop made an announcement and told everybody to get a life jacket and this is not a drill, everybody started freaking out (like REALLY REALLY freaking out wtf. Ok I know it's natural to freak out but just run la. What the hell are you screaming your lungs out for?) and they started running and bumping into each other and every three seconds the camera would focus on people tripping and falling for no reason -_-  Ok they WERE going up the stairs but there weren't many people on that stairs ok it's impossible to trip down just like that! And their tripping looks fake, as everything else is in this movie. Bleh.

So then everybody got on the lifeboat and then the nurse wanted to go and get her friend who's in the infirmary because she MAY BE injured! Oh, how surprising -___- And then came her ex (the owner of the stupid boat) and he told her to get on the safety boat but she said she wanted to look for her friend and OF COURSE he went to look with her and when they found her she was injured and trapped under some big machine and they taped a credit card to her neck to put pressure on the wound. WHAT THE HELL. So then the three of them tried to find their way out and because the door to the stairs are locked(?) they had to take the elevator(??). Ok this has crossed the line. How can doors to STAIRS be locked in an emergency and EVERYBODY knows you shouldn't go on elevators if there's a blast ok. It's fricking common sense people.

Oh and remember in Titanic 1 when the captain of the ship stayed back and drowned or something? That really looked noble because.. I don't know, everything just looks right in the original movie ok. So anyways the director decided that the captain in this movie must die a noble death too, hence the big blast that killed him. So not noble -_-

Back to the storyline, so then the three of them took the elevator and when that blast happened they were stuck. But then the guy took the axe from the emergency box on the elevator and hacked the upper part of the elevator and the three of them went out and climbed some stairs. CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT THE GUY SLIPPED THE AXE ON HIS BACK LIKE IT WAS A SAMURAI SWORD OR SOMETHING? I mean, talking about safety precautions. What if he slipped and fell flat on his back? Wouldn't he be really injured with a FRIGGIN AXE on his back? God, the people who made this movie had zero common sense I tell ya.

So then the came across this door but it was like half jammed or something so the guy tried to open it with his axe but it's really hard to do and he told the nurse to quickly try and get through it and the nurse was stuck halfway because there wasn't that much space and she couldn't fully go through the door and the axe is like breaking into two and the the nurse's friend HAD TO ACCIDENTALLY launch herself between the doors so she died when the axe broke into two an the guy was able to get through the door because her body was like stuck between the closing door or whatever. So cliche right THEY HAD TO KILL THE WOUNDED ONE bleh.

And then the movie got so boring that I wasn't even bothered to remember what happened. Yada yada yada and they reached the diving facility room and then they opened the locker and GUESS WHAT? THERE WAS ONLY ONE DIVING EQUIPMENT OHMYGOD THIS IS A BIG TURN OF EVENTS! WHAT IS THE HERO GONNA DO? WILL HE DROWN HEROICALLY?

BLEH BLEH BLEH BLEH BLEEEERRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHH.

So being the hero he gave the girl the diving equipment because the boat is sinking and they'll be submerged in water. And then the water started rising and the FINALLY DROWNED! But it's kind of sad that the girl had to watch the guy drown. Sobs. But whatever.

Meanwhile, the old guy didn;t realize he was an OLD GUY so he put on diving equipments and jumped into the ocean to look for his daughter, the nurse because he was the one who told her to go to the diving equipment room and stuff and not into the safety boats because he said they were some sort of death trap? Beats me. And then he MIRACULOUSLY FOUND HER putting aside the fact the the ship was so damn big. HOW AWESOME! And then he got his daughter out of the locker and they swam to the surface, bringing dead rich guy with them. So on a safety raft the nurse tried to revive dead guy but DUUHH he was dead. During this scene I swore that if they dead guy comes back to life I AM GONNA THROW MY LAPTOP OUT OF THE FRICKIN WINDOW!

And The End.

Wtf right. Seriously, don't watch this movie -_- Titanic was WAYYYYYYYYYYYYYY more awesome than this piece of trash. And it's not like I have very high standards. Bleh/

4 comments:

Syafiq said...

OMG pnjg gila ko buat review :: ahahhaa

Aika said...

HAHAHAHAHA! Macam dah cerita satu movie ni :P

fee.daa.oh said...

OMG, u noe wat, im freaking-hell-laughng , whn read dis,, COOLL
gonna watch dis movie sometimesss ROFL!. nice reviewww babe (:

Aika said...

Hahaha! tengok movie tu nanti lagi u gelak sebab tak logic sangat.