Because it never really is as simple as that

Sometimes I wish that I can just get out of this life. Like take out all of my savings(?) and migrate to New Zealand and go work at some farm. I think taking care of baby cows would probably be a whole lot more easier taking care of other people. Cows do have feelings, but they don't really show it like people usually do. Cows aren't bitchy, or self-absorbed or hard to deal with emotionally. Frankly, I would rather deal with cows everyday rather than human being. Cows can be very good listeners too. And they won't talk back.

I would have loved to work with this particular cow.

*****

Sometimes I feel like I'm under appreciated. It keeps bugging me. Well, it really should because you know, when you go out of your way to do something for someone and they ended up being really shittily ungrateful like !@#$%^&*. I mean, who WOULDN'T be pissed right? It's like all that effort for nothing. All that time spent for nothing. Bukanlah nak berkira tapi C'MOOOONN. I'm not asking for something like, "OMG THANKYOU SO MUCH YOU'RE LIKE THE BEST FRIEND EVER I LOVE YOU XOXOXOXOXOXO" but you know, at least a small thanks with a cute little smiley can perhaps compensate all that effort.

*****

I know perseverance is the key to success or whatever. But have you ever got tired of persevering without having any outcomes at all? It's like waiting for a kitten to grow up into a duck or something. And it's not about being positive of the whole situation either. You know it'll end up being shit all over. But you still persevered! Or that's called being stupid. I dunno.

I mean, you won't really know FOR SURE that it'll end up being shit. But it's like all the things are pointing towards a shitty ending you know? So I don't really know whether I should forget about it and move on with my life or persevere(I'm starting to hate this word) and wait until it pays off. And if it doesn't come out the way I wanted it to after all that waiting and persevering I SWEAR I will bang my head on the sharpest corner of the table

I just really hope it wouldn't end up being shit all over. I hope it wouldn't. I really really hope it wouldn't. But that's all I could do really. Hope and hope and more endless hoping. I'm pathetic. I couldn't even control the situation. I am a pathetic, powerless, stupid, worthless piece of turd. Although I'm not entirely convinced that I am a worthless piece of turd, sometimes it really just feels like it. Make it most of the time. I even look like turd ftw.

Would someone please take me away from all this or at least put a half-smile on my dreary looking face? :(

Yeah, I though so.